Wonder

    Why?  I wonder, I don't know, but I'm thinking about it. We rethink the past, seek answers to today's questions, and ponder what will happen in the future.  Our curiosity helps us find meaning.  We try to find reasons, sometimes doubt, desire more information, and consider choices.  We wonder.
    Wow!  I wonder, I am amazed, and in awe.   We marvel at nature, admire outstanding talents, fortitude, and kindness, and are thankful for our physical and mental capabilities.  Sometimes the less we understand the workings of nature, the more we may see it all as miraculous.  We feel wonder.
     When you wonder about the wonders of the universe, keep questioning and don't assume it is a miracle.  Realize we are a product of an amazing evolution.  Our survival depends on how we take care of ourselves, each other, and the world.
      Question and marvel about everything.  Discover the why and feel the wow.

Evergreen

      Some trees never seem to change, forever green, never baring their branches, always providing shade and refuge.  Other trees show a colorful display, then leaves fall and decay.

    When we focus on sustaining our outer beauty, we need to remember that autumn fades to winter.  When we concentrate on maintaining our inner beauty, our usefulness will last through all the seasons of life.

     Nature does not worry about sustaining spring because fruit must form in the summer for the next generation.  When autumn arrives, every living thing follows its own survival plan.  See the natural beauty in all forms of life in every season.  

Reflections

     Light enables us to see.  Ideas enable us to think.
     The Times/Picayune newspaper has a section called Reflections where editorials and opinions are published.  Readers may submit letters to-the-editor in reply or on original topics.  Professionals and amateurs can share their thoughts.
     Our mirror creates reflections where we can analyze our appearance, fix our hair, and apply health and beauty products.  Sometimes we see imperfections and signs of aging in face and body.  Other times we realize we are OK and good enough as is.
     We should look beyond the mirror and reflect on what we think.  We can listen to and read other viewpoints which will help our own thinking.  We can voice our opinions and write about our thoughts.  Our behavior can be a reflection of our values and morals when we practice what we preach.  Sometimes, however, we say one thing and do another.  Actions often speak louder than words.
     After reflection, we can expand and alter our thinking, but at times, we may believe we are OK and good enough as is.

Now's Not the Time

     Some say timing is everything.  The results we wish to achieve will be lessened or ineffective if we say or do something at the wrong time, in the wrong circumstances, or with people who are not ready to listen.
     Sometimes, we must plan a conversation and do whatever it takes to get the person ready to listen.  We may be ready now, but we have to remember our goal and plan accordingly.  We also must anticipate resistance to change especially if the person is happy the way things are now.
     Good comedians develop their timing to build up, pause, and wait for the laugh.  People making  speeches have to get their points across in the right amount of time with good style and delivery.  Parents realize they have to have a continuing communication with their children instead of trying to reason when the child is upset and out of control.
     We can time our conversation to get the greatest effect, but procrastination may produce too much delay.  Our time may be limited; our opportunities may be few.  The perfect time may not come.  We don't want to run out of time to get our message across.
     If now is not the time, then when?

Brainwashing

     When your thinking, emotions, and behavior seem to be controlled by other people or outside influences, your independent thought is inhibited.  Brainwashing usually is pictured as happening in war prisons, totalitarian governments, or religious cults where isolation, propaganda, repeated messages, and emotional pressures are used to control minds.  Many forms of brainwashing, however, happen all around us.
      Often, we are indoctrinated supposedly for our own good.  Parents and other well-meaning adults teach us values and opinions to help us develop into responsible adults.  They may not encourage us to think independently or form other opinions.  Religions also indoctrinate people to what they believe is true and necessary to lead good lives. Cults aren't the only ones who insist that their philosophy is the only way.
     Brainwashing is also used for the benefit of someone else.  Political parties use every tactic to control your thoughts and get your support.  Promoters of products and services use advertising to influence your spending habits.  Repetition of emotional appeals seem to block our independent thought.  We do need good leaders, products, and services, but we need to realize when we are being manipulated.
     Perhaps we need to give our own brains a good washing to examine how we think, feel, and  behave, then clean out the debris.   Recognize who or what influenced you in the past and increase the use of independent thought now and in the future.
       

Predictions

     Can we know today what will happen tomorrow, next week, or even into the distant future?  If so, how do we know?
     We base predictions on our analysis of the past and on the probability that tomorrow will be similar to today with planned and unplanned variations.  We have a basic understanding of the laws of nature, the way our body works, and the patterns of human behavior.  Some people make predictions based on prophesies and promises stated in holy scriptures.  They believe that if they study and accept these religious ideas, they will have an unending future.
     Our predictions may be accurate, partially true, or just wishful thinking.  Surprises happen both good and bad: pleasant weather or earthquakes, fires, and storms; continued good health or disease, injury, and aging; satisfying relationships or arguments, divorce, and estrangements.  Of course, we all hope for the best but must be prepared for less than the best.  Focus on the future can help or hinder dealing with the present.  Some people find comfort in realistic optimism; some have faith in religious beliefs.
     Predictions after all are informed guesses or opinions.  We can strive to make more sound predictions but at the same time improve our ability to handle the unknown.  Like Annie, we need to have a certain amount of optimism that the sun will come out tomorrow.

Grace

     Grace is the love and mercy we receive and give, a gift not necessarily earned or deserved.  Grace usually brings delight, joy, and happiness or at least, improves the life of another.  Those that show grace are kind, generous, virtuous, and forgiving.
     Some believe that grace comes from God.  Humans cannot earn or deserve this gift.   Whether we believe in a spiritual source or not, we can show human grace to others.  Difficulty comes when we expect others to earn our generosity or deserve our kindness and forgiveness.  Sometimes the grace we show others isn't noticed or appreciated; it may be taken for granted.  In some relationships, one person seems to do more of the giving.  Sometimes this is unavoidable when the other person is incapacitated or just insensitive.   Sometimes, we need to help them understand our perspective so they aren't so oblivious.
     To make things easier, we need to remember that virtue can be its own reward.  When we know we are doing the right thing, we should feel a sense of accomplishment.  We should also show grace toward ourselves to be sure our needs are met.  We should not feel guilty when we grow tired and feel life is unfair.  Show love and mercy to yourself and to others.      

Family Conversations

     Conversations between grandparents and teens can be fun and beneficial when certain guidelines are kept in mind.  As we discuss the past, present, and future, each generation should be part of the talking and the listening.
     Grandparents can pass on their family history and describe what life was like as they grew up.  A teenager's past is more limited but they still have many stories to share.  Comparisons can show the advantages and disadvantages of each time.  Remember two valid viewpoints need to be honored.
     Sometimes, the easier conversation is about the present to get an understanding of the activities of everyday life and the opinions of each generation.  Be sure there is a balance of listening and talking.  Don't have an agenda to persuade agreement on your own opinions and turn a nice talk into a lecture.
     Discussing the future may be more difficult because teenagers are naturally more interested in today plus just a few days ahead.  The older generation often wants to give advice about planning for the future.  Be sure not to add undue worry to a teenager who may already be stressed out about surviving their next exam, developing their social life, and facing adult responsibilities while trying to fit in a little fun.  Let teenagers know that you have faith in their own decision making.
     The biggest mistake grandparents can make is assuming that they know better because of their longer time on earth.  They want to influence their grandchildren toward making good decisions but shouldn't state opinions as facts or pass on prejudices.   Respect differences of opinion.  Being a good role model, living our own lives well, is the best lesson.  In addition, have some fun during those family conversations.

Develop Independence

     Even though dependence is necessary at times, independence enables adults to develop and attain their greatest potential.  We need to have confidence in our abilities to live independent lives.
     Some philosophies and religions, however, encourage dependence.  We are taught that we need a higher power to provide, protect, and guide us.  Without this power, we would be selfish, make bad decisions, and disregard our responsibilities to others.  Some believe that original sin is part of the human condition and we need to be saved and forgiven.  Some think that a plan has been formed for us to follow, a sort of predestination we should fulfill.  They believe that God is in control and people need to rely on Him.  Dependence is part of  the relationship.
     Most denominations encourage church membership, attendance at worship services, scripture study, financial support, and bringing others into the fold.  They think we should depend on the organization for instruction, reinforcement, and guidance.  Left to our own devices, we may misinterpret the will of God or stray away from the faith.
     In other aspects of our lives, we are encouraged to be independent, develop intellectually, think logically, evaluate guidance from various sources, discover and use our skills, provide for ourselves, and be responsible for our behavior.  We also need to forgive ourselves and others for mistakes of commission and omission.
     In many facets of life, dependence is necessary, unavoidable, and beneficial.  No man is an island.  Very few of us are completely self-sufficient.  We all do our part and depend on each other in order to have a satisfying life; however, too much dependence may limit our potential.  Whether we are religious or not, we should value our freedom and develop independence.   
          

Thinking for Others

     When you have a young child who hasn't yet developed adult mental abilities, when you have students who need to progress, when you have a friend whose reasoning is temporarily distorted, when you have a loved one whose mental capabilities have begun to diminish, you may have to think for others.  Even though we should honor and encourage every person's ability to think for themselves, at some point in their lives they may need our assistance.
     Caution needs to be taken when we believe that our thinking is better than that of other healthy, mature adults.  If we focus too much on our own capabilities, we may become overconfident and lose the ability to understand and appreciate other points of view.  We may begin to judge other thinking as inferior or faulty.
      Helping someone improve or retain their own independent thought is a gift.  Don't take over too soon or too often.  We all will benefit by giving and receiving help when needed.  Appreciation goes out to parents, teachers, friends, and caregivers who out of necessity must think for others.

Sharing

     Sharing is  a basic component of human interaction and is responsible for strengthening social ties and ensuring a person's well-being.  This definition is from Wikipedia, and I agree.
     When we share our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, other people can benefit.  Sharing our personal health issues may inform our children about possible inherited problems.  Explaining our personal issues and how we handle them help others with situations they may be facing or may face in the future.  Telling about your everyday life, especially to adult children who live far away, help them to understand your life, your generation, and your phase of life.  All of this promotes communication and interaction.
     As you share your life, consider it a gift to others and to yourself.  Relieve some of the stress of trying to carry the load alone.  Allow yourself to receive understanding, empathy, and advice.  Realize that keeping secrets may not be the best practice unless someone wishes you to keep a confidence.  Giving yourself to others enables you to share your insights, talents, and other positive information.  All of this can strengthen relationships and your well-being.
     We also need to decide when not to share, when we should keep some info to ourselves.  Even when we get the benefit from sharing, we need to consider the effect it will have on other people.   Causing unnecessary worry or making others feel they may be partially responsible for solving your problems - not a good idea.  Decide how much of your drama is TMI (too much information.)

Rewards

     Training a dog usually involves providing a reward when the dog conforms to the master's wishes.  Likewise, training children often includes a reward for conforming to their parent's or teacher's wishes.  These rewards can include expressions of affection, words of thanks, or compliments on good behavior and a good job.  Rewards can also include treats or special privileges.  On the other hand, withholding a reward may also provide incentive not to do the wrong thing.
    As children mature, they can be weaned away from external rewards and guided toward internal rewards of self-respect, self-satisfaction, and pride in doing the right thing.  Many of the things we do may not be recognized or fully appreciated by others.  Our reward must come from within.  Although adults will be influenced by family and society, we can accept, alter, or reject what others define as proper behavior.  We should realize that making good decisions in living a good life is it's own reward.
     Religion often offers rewards as incentive to conforming to it's definition of proper behavior.  The promise of eternal life must be the greatest of rewards for having faith.  Church services are designed to reinforce this faith.  Members of the congregation reinforce each other that their religion holds the truth and provides the correct guide to behavior.  Although focusing on heaven may provide incentive, good behavior throughout our life should be it's own reward.

Trapped?

     The movie "Birdman" uses a cinematography technique which gives the effect of being shot in one continuous take so that the audience lives through the main character and his mind.  This movie illustrates as the director stated, "We are trapped in our own reality."
     We use all our own senses to inform our brain about ourselves, other people, and our environment.  Our experiences and psychological make-up create memories, analyze the present, and form our opinions.  This guides our thinking, actions, and reactions.  We want to have our needs met, yet don't want to appear too self-centered.  We have a need to be loved and learn the advantages of loving others.  We want to be understood and try to understand others.  Our own self interests, however, are naturally uppermost in our mind.  We cannot escape; we all are trapped in our own reality.
     We can consciously try to aim our focus away from ourselves and toward other people.  By broadening our perspective, we may come to realize that each individual is just one person among billions who are living, dead, or yet to be born.  We are trapped in our own body, our own generation, and our own circumstances.  In soap opera lingo, as the world turns, we have one life to live and need to search for tomorrow.  We can leave our own reality temporarily through books, movies, TV shows and observing the people around us.  We need to realize, however, we can only live our own life and should make our trap as meaningful as possible.     

Indoctrination

     A religious or political doctrine may be beneficial for teaching beliefs.  Perhaps first spoken then written down, perhaps many centuries old or a more recent set of evolving beliefs, perhaps carved in stone, penned by our founding fathers, or formed by political parties, these doctrines provide a basis for our beliefs.  We need to be aware of how these doctrines came into being and who thought them up and wrote them down.  We also need to be aware of the methods of teaching and promoting these beliefs.
     This is where indoctrination comes in.  When we have strong beliefs, we desire to pass them on to our children and our fellow citizens.  First, we need to be aware of what we accept as true and how we came to believe what we do.  Next, we need to be aware when teaching turns into indoctrination which encourages us to accept beliefs without critical examination.  Often we cling to beliefs because we respect the teacher, the parent, the church, or the political party.  We may be encouraged to accept one point of view, discouraged to consider another.
      Let's make sure we are not being indoctrinated like soldiers who are taught to always be loyal to superiors and country and to follow orders without question.  This may be necessary in the military to win the war but not the best model for the rest of us.  We should teach how to think rather than what to think or else we will continue to use and be used by indoctrination.
    

Too Much of a Good Thing

     In the book/movie "Divergent," young citizens are analyzed to discover their dominant personality trait, their strongest virtue, then go to live with like-minded groups: the selfless to Abnegation, the brave to Dauntless, the intelligent to Erudite, the honest to Candor, and the peaceful to Amity.  Those citizens who show strengths in a variety of virtues are considered divergent.  Those who continue their lives developing one particular virtue may do so at the expense of not being well-rounded.  They may have too much of a good thing.
     The selfless who forget themselves for the sake of others may lose their individuality and ignore their own needs.  The brave who protect from threats within and without  may become insensitive and fearless thrill-seekers.  The intelligent who pursue knowledge and wisdom may become arrogant and use manipulation to have dominion over others.  The honest who see things in black and white and give candid opinions may not see the gray areas and become too frank, tactless, and rude.  The peaceful who are kind and forgiving may overvalue staying calm and inhibit their ability to fight for what's right.  Of course, these virtues are just five of many in our real world.
    Some personality traits may be inborn; some virtues and lifestyles may be emphasized by our family.  Many people desire to develop all of the human virtues but need to take care that we don't overdevelop some at the expense of the others.  Being divergent, developing in a variety of directions, can be to our benefit.  Being different and even rebellious can help form our own unique personality.        
     
     

Stumbles

     As we make our way along life's path, we can lose our footing and take a fall.  The path may have an impediment, an unexpected spot, a slippery surface, or our unpreparedness or inattention may cause us to trip.  Perhaps the stumble could have been prevented; perhaps, not.
     What we do afterward is more important.  Becoming more familiar with what lies ahead, plus being prepared and alert may lower our chances for another fall.  Some people will seek out an easier path, but that may not provide the challenges to develop our skills.  When we learn to navigate the more complex path, we become stronger.  We can also use our experience to help others move forward.

Audacity

     Depending on the circumstances and the people involved, audacity can show confidence or arrogance, daring or brashness, and may be helpful or even necessary.
     Author Bill O'Reilly labels George Patton as the most audacious general.  Patton had so much confidence in his abilities and daring in his activities and was very outspoken in his opinions.  His audacity produced great success.
     We need to realize how audacity can help us succeed.  Sometimes we need to have nerve and spunk to accomplish our goals.  Hesitation, allowing shyness to get in the way, not having confidence to try our best, fearing the judgment of others - all of these behaviors are the opposite of audacity.
     If your actions can improve the circumstances you face, you can make things happen.   Be bold, dare to be different, be audacious.

Extractions

A tooth comes out that leaves a gap,
A part of you since you were twelve.

Hair recedes and thins and grays,
Taken for granted in earlier days.

Our pace slows and loses grace,
Lines increase upon our face.

A hip, a knee that once worked fine,
To be replaced by artifice.

Eyes and ears need special aides,
To see and hear as in our youth.

Body functions diminishing,
Needing meds or a scalpel's slice.

Memory fades, questions repeated,
Confusion replacing clearer thought.

Extractions from our former selves,
The original forever gone.

We mourn the loss, adjust to change,
Being thankful for what remains.

Reunion

     We are joined together by family ties, marriage vows, and membership in a variety of groups.  Classmates form a bond, sharing memories of school days and growing up together.
     Time, distance, and other circumstances often cause separation.  Family and marital relationships may suffer stress and get to a breaking point.  Classmates no longer see each other every day, and some move away from their hometown.  Whatever the reasons, we often yearn for reunion, to return to a time when we shared something special.
     Reunions take a lot of work, effort, and planning from those who desire to bring couples, families, and classmates back together.  Those efforts create an occasion to remember former days, to renew relationships, and to look forward to the future.  A big thank you to all who join together and make reunions happen.

Cheer

Dark, cold, prickly, screeching, drowning, trapped
Light, warm, soft, soothing, breathing, free

     Describe your ideal nest, a physical place where you live and a psychological place where you feel.  Make a comfortable home and an emotional haven.  Attach to the rhythm of nature.  Have dark when asleep and light when awake, soothing temperature, pleasant nutrition, comforting bed, stimulating times balanced with calm, physical and mental activity balanced with relaxation, social interaction and sole pursuits, reach inward and outward, take care of yourself and help others.
     Depression takes some people, even children, on a hopeless, downhill path with no vision of escape.  Suicide seems the only way out.  Everyone experiences depression at times and needs to find a way to begin the uphill  path out.  But how to help yourself or someone else to leave the darkness and strive for the light, that is the problem.
     Some find a solution through religion, some through social contacts with optimistic friends, while some need professional help.  Theses efforts may be difficult.  Soothe yourself, focus on the positive, make a joyful noise, and cheer yourself onward.

Blast

    

   

      Language is continually changing, new words added and new ways to use established terms.  Often the younger generation develops slang to identify with their peer group.  The older generation may pick it up to be part of the communication.
     Face-to-face, in public, and on social media, people are being put on blast, being the object of angry and abusive criticism.  The reasons behind these comments may be to reprimand, shame, or punish the individual.
     We often see professional speakers and writers blasting away at politicians, political parties, and controversial topics.  Often prejudice fuels anger and fear in those who agree.  Those who don't agree see this type of criticism as unfair, illogical, and abusive.
     You may have received a blast yourself.  Just consider the source, figure out what is behind it, and calmly respond or ignore.  You may be tempted to blast, but remember anything said to or about someone or anything posted on the internet may be difficult to reverse or delete.  Diffuse your anger to avoid an ineffective explosion.  Consider your purpose and choose your words wisely.  Don't just blast away.

Examples of Immorality

     Basic universal morality is held by most people around the world.  Unfortunately, some extremists are participating in what almost everyone views as immorality.  Other types of behavior do not as easily fall into one category or the other.  My personal list of immoral behaviors includes:
     Limiting freedom and human rights of women, homosexuals, immigrants, and other groups based on out-dated thinking.  Our bodies and private lives should not be infringed upon.
     Giving priority to any group who wants their beliefs to be supported and fostered in government, in public schools, and in public places.  Religious and non-religious citizens should feel a part of laws that are passed, public meetings that are held, and displays in public areas.
     Limiting health care to only those who can pay for it.  Public health and public education are essential for a thriving society.
     Abandoning public school systems and funneling government vouchers to private and religious education.  Where problems exist in the public system, find a way to fix them.
     Trying to be big brother or the police in foreign countries.  Our imposition often creates animosity.  The UN or NATO should give aid when they deem it necessary.
     Using war as a solution to problems except for self defense.  Protect citizens at home and encourage them not to go in harms way abroad where they aren't under our protection.
     These are just a few examples of immorality.  As you consider my list, agree or disagree.  What other behaviors would be on your list of immoral behavior?  

Immorality

     Going against a standard of behavior or a set of moral laws creates immorality.  These standards or laws may have been set by religion, parents, or the society into which you were born.  A person can stray away from the standards or break the laws by acts of commission or omission.  A person may do what is considered wrong or not do what is considered right.  One is active; the other is passive.  Both are immoral.
     Governments use morality to decide which behaviors are legal and which are illegal.  Citizens need to be protected against the bad and enabled to have a safe, healthy life.  Many behaviors, however, are not covered by civil law.  The individual is given the freedom and responsibility to decide what is right and what is wrong in these cases.  Morality cannot be legislated.  Even when we uphold the laws, we still can have immoral behaviors.
     Everyone must get beyond selfishness, develop a conscience, and do the right things for themselves and others.  A moral code needs to develop in each of us.  We need to think before we act and be aware of the possible consequences of our behavior.  We should try to lead a  moral life and guard against immorality.      
        

Morality

     Many people believe that God is the author of morality and guides humanity toward good and away from sin.  His moral laws, the shall and shall nots, are proclaimed in the Bible which also records the lives of the righteous.  Believers in spiritual guidance feel that without God, humanity would lead sinful and selfish lives with no true regard for each other.  Debauchery, chaos, and calamity would result.
     Some people believe that morality can exist without God.  As human beings became civilized, they agreed upon acceptable and unacceptable behaviors that would ensure the survival of the individual and the tribe.  Logic guided their lawmaking.
     Neither religious nor non-religious philosophies guarantee moral behavior.   Even with the promise of rewards and the threat of punishments, people will sometimes choose immorality over morality.  New laws can be added and old ones can be redesigned; however, some areas of behavior should be left up to the individual.  Conscience and self control will increase morality. 
     Deciding on the laws in a democracy is difficult because a variety of opinions are considered.  Cooperation and compromise are beneficial.  Conflicts can arise when people believe that law must be based on their religion.  Governments need to make and enforce laws while guaranteeing freedom and human rights.  Individuals need to abide by the laws and take on the responsibility of making decisions that will benefit themselves as well as the group.  These are the steps toward morality.

Filter and Ignore

     I have always tried to read and listen to all sides of issues, but recently, I've decided to ignore certain topics.
     I rarely watch the local newscasts because they begin with the latest murders and end with sports and YouTube videos.  I refuse to listen to the same stories repeated and prolonged by the media.  I stop watching shows and movies that depict rape.  I find it difficult to view old movies that feature unliberated female characters, so I stop watching.  I also mute commercials.
     I no longer read posts about creationism, anti-evolution, homosexuality and abortion as sin, anti-choice and anti-gay rights.   I refuse to listen to Obama bashing and other prejudicial opinions including FOX News.
     One way to reduce stress is to filter what comes into your mind.  Don't close your mind completely, but don't waste your time on what you consider nonsense.  You wouldn't let people dump rubbish in your living room.  Even when you try your best to present your opinions in a logical manner, some people will have closed minds.  If they don't try to understand your point of view, ignore theirs. 

Can't go back.

     The ability to remember, analyze, and even make amends for the past can help in the present and future, but we can't go back.  Forward is the only direction we must follow.
     Often the landscape changes and our vehicle shows signs of wear.  An occasional tune-up may give a temporary fix, old tires can be replaced with new, and paint can hide the dents and scratches.  The best mechanics can diagnose problems but only do so much.  We all know that we only have one body to navigate our journey.
     As we age, as our loved ones grow older, we realize that even with the best maintenance, permanent damage occurs.  To survive, we must go forward, accept limitations, and adjust our activities.  As long as the old engine starts, we can chug down the road to get where we're going.  We can appreciate the rest of the trip, but there is no reverse; we can't go back.

Leave "R" out of it

     As we think about the conflicts around the world and here at home, perhaps we could think more clearly and logically by leaving religion out of it.   This would be very hard to do because most people are raised that their particular religion holds the truth and should be the guide to behavior and government.  If only we could remove our ingrained judgments long enough to realize that everyone is basically the same with the same needs.  When these needs are met through cooperation, we could have peace on earth.
     After physical needs are met (food, shelter, health care, education, safety) then we need to consider the need for freedom to think and have our own opinions while realizing others have the same need.   No matter what religion we ascribe to, we should not profess that we are right and others are wrong.  We should not mix religion and government.
     Many wars of the past and in the present show religions pitted against each other.  Basic needs of citizens are put aside as soldiers try to impose their beliefs on others thinking that God is on their side.  Even in times of peace, many people insist that their religion holds the truth and must prevail.  They wish to impose their version of holy scripture and base laws on their interpretations.  Some truly believe that they should try to save the souls of others, but some just don't want to lose their chance of an afterlife.
     As we try to resolve conflicts, we need to be  more concerned about cooperation and less concerned about promoting our own agenda.  Our goal should be to insure that everyone is safe, healthy, and free to have their own beliefs and opinions.  Leave religion out of it and strive for peace on earth.       

Prescription

     Written down before beginning a plan of care including medication, an anticipated remedy may improve our health.  We learn the common uses of the meds, why we need them, and  how and when to use them.  We are also warned about interactions causing the drug to be less effective or dangerous and cautioned about stopping too soon or adding other elements.  Side effects are listed which may create unpleasant or dangerous complications.  Sometimes, a medication that is good for one part of the body may be dangerous for another.
     When we have other issues in life, we may need to write a plan before beginning a  remedy.   Obviously, we feel we have a need for action but should be careful of how we go about it and when.  The change may be a temporary or a life-long adjustment.  Our actions may cause unanticipated side effects which may be pleasant or not.  The plan may need to be improved to get the results we want.
     We usually follow the advice of our doctors when it comes to helping our body function as it should.  We need to be sure our own prescriptions keep our everyday lives functioning well and our relationships healthy while we continue toward our goals.    
      

Patience

     

     Everyone assumes  that patience is a virtue, and the more we have, the better.  Having too much patience, however, can be detrimental to emotional and physical health, to personal relationships, and to group dynamics.  Patience can turn into passivity and procrastination while we avoid conflict and problem solving.  Some even believe that patience should be our goal and that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.  When holding our tongue to avoid hurting other people's feelings, we may even get a sense of accomplishment and pride in being self sacrificial.
     Not having enough patience can also cause problems.  When a situation is beyond our control, we  must face reality and adjust our emotions accordingly.   When a situation can be improved by increasing our patience, we get extra time to analyze the problem and plan the best solution.
     Some people seem to have an easier time being patient, perhaps being born with that disposition, or modeling themselves after others who showed patience, or being taught that impatience was not a desirable characteristic.   Other people may have a harder time controlling emotions and impulses and have more difficulty adjusting to frustration and change.
     As we face the difficulties of aging and our bodies and minds are not functioning the way they used to, we need to adjust to new situations.  We also need to adjust as our spouse or other family members begin to age, sometimes facing physical and mental challenges.  We can't see, hear, or move the way we used to.  Sometimes we can't remember or think the way we did in younger years.  Now more than ever, we need to be patient with our loved ones and ourselves.
    

Preach or Practice

     Many of us are so ready to spread our opinions to others, to preach our sermons, to show the world our wisdom; however, at times, we need to step away from promoting our ideas, to tone down our rhetoric.  Any noise can get people's attention and temporarily block other thoughts but soon can become irritating and cause listeners to cover their ears. 
     I remember when it was  considered impolite to discuss religion or politics at the dinner table.  The obvious reason was that these subjects could start conflict and arguments which would destroy the pleasant atmosphere of a social gathering.  Now, I realize one other reason we should, at times, avoid these subjects.  Our beliefs can prevent us from interacting and discovering more important facets about each other, seeing what we have in common as human beings, and practicing empathy and kindness no matter how different we are.
     Perhaps, we should be more concerned about ideas that go beyond religion and politics.  No matter how strong our convictions, we should be more concerned about loving our neighbor and our enemy, about making sure the world survives chaos, hunger, and disease, about how we can practice instead of preach.
    

On the Surface

     Adult, child, female, male; tall, short, fat, fit; light, dark, ethnic, race; hair, bald, eyes, mouth; smile, frown, friendly, dangerous; wrinkles, spots, piercings, tattoos; make-up, jewelry, clothes, phone; disabilities, canes, wheelchair, bandages; perfume, cologne, sweat, breath; foreign language, foreign accent, drawl, tone.
     Within a few seconds, we observe what's on the surface, make judgments, and draw conclusions that may not be correct.  Our value systems and prejudices can distort the picture. What we feel about first impressions tells us more about ourselves than about the people we observe.  Quickly judging others and comparing ourselves to them may cause us to feel superior or inferior.  By being more accepting of what we observe on the surface, we can relax and use our energies for more important issues.   We can discover so much more by going beyond skin deep, beyond what we can see, smell, and hear.      

The Missing Link

     Gaps in the evolutionary record provide a type of proof to some people that humans are a completely separate species.  Even though similarities to other species outnumber the few differences, evolution is not accepted by creationists.
     Putting the topic of evolution aside, we all need to discover how our thinking can have a missing link because we skip a step in logic.  Often, mistakes are made when we consider cause and effect.  We see a problem, evaluate the evidence, come to a conclusion, determine the cause, and imagine a solution.  Any  misstep in this process can lead to faulty thinking.  Having a prejudice can make the process more difficult.
     Listening to only one side of a story causes conclusions to be biased.   Blame or credit may be given to the wrong person.  The solution may then be to get rid of the person "causing" the problem and replacing him with someone else.  Some may wish to get rid of B and group D in favor of group T.
     Sometimes, I think the missing link is here, alive and well.
     The body may be human, but the brain is Neanderthal.
     (Apologies to N)    

The Other Guy

Why is it so difficult to understand the other guy?  Perhaps these are some of the reasons:

1)  Your backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives may be very different.  2)  Your own opinions seem beyond question.  You believe your sources of information present the truth: religious texts, scientific discoveries, family beliefs, the majority opinion of your acquaintances.  3)  Your desire to stay secure, comfortable, and loyal; you don't want to rock your boat, to upset your friends and family, or to distance yourself from social or religious groups.  4)  Your fear of losing the benefits of your beliefs.  For example, losing the presence of the Perfect Parent teaching, guiding, and protecting you and providing life after death.  Or losing hope that medical science will extend your life or that your political party can improve government.  5)  Your self confidence inhibits you from imagining you might be wrong.  6)  Your prejudice against the other guy and other opinions reinforces the idea that he is wrong and you are right.   Only believing those who agree with you adds to your bias.  7)  Your focus on perpetuating your own beliefs reduces or eliminates the time and energy you could spend on understanding others.  8)  Your dislike of compromise, agreeing to disagree, or acknowledging grey areas.  9)  Your self satisfaction in believing you are right and others are wrong.

The other guy may have the same reasons to not understand you.  When you can get beyond the obstacles to understanding each other, empathy can develop.   Maybe you will change your opinions; maybe you won't.  You will improve the definition of your own opinions by including what you believe and what you don't.  Understanding the other guy will help you understand yourself. 

Healing

     The physical body's ability to heal enables us to have a long and healthy life.  With the help of medical science, our bodies can repair and restore after illness, injuries, surgeries, and the bumps and bruises of life.  Most of the time, our bodies function and heal without our even being aware of what's going on.
     Equally amazing is our brain's ability to heal from past events, stress, worry, and unhealthy thinking.  Sometimes, psychologists and therapists can help improve our mental health.  Most of the time, we just need to be aware, sustain our healthy thoughts, and repair and heal the unhealthy.
     Our need for physical healing is often more obvious than our need to improve our emotional and mental health.  Evaluate what works to achieve goals, improve behavior, and  have satisfying relationships.  Forgive others and yourself to heal past wounds.  Develop strategies to cope with stress and reduce worries,  Eliminate  prejudices and long-held opinions that no longer seem true.   Be  open to new ideas and perspectives.  Improving the way we think and feel can lead to a better life. 
     Healing occurs in body and mind in order to restore and maintain health. Some healing will be automatic, some will need the help of professionals, and some can happen with our own efforts.
    

Misfit

     A square peg trying to fit into a round hole either has to find a more compatible hole or change it's shape.  People either have to find a better social environment or change themselves, their attitude, perspective, behavior, or goals.
     Sometimes we try to change what we can about ourselves in order to fit in.  While being loyal to ourselves and our most important values, we can still improve, become more flexible, and compromise.  When we have done what we can and are satisfied with our adjustments, we may have to change our social environment to associate with different people.  When searching for companions and mates, both parties must fit comfortably into the relationship.  When becoming a member of a group, we want to be accepted and appreciated as we are.
     Sometimes we have to change a little; sometimes our sharp corners need to be smoothed and rounded.  Other times we must change our environment, our situation, or the people around us so we can comfortably fit in.  As we define and redefine ourselves, our shape will change somewhat.  As we place ourselves into more compatible friendships and social groups, we will not feel like a misfit.

Cultural Agenda

     We all have a vision of  how we would like our world to behave.   We even can form a cultural agenda that we feel may make improvements to our society.  Forming and describing our vision, persuading others to agree, and taking steps toward implementing change can help society get closer to our own vision.
     Some say the left has an agenda of promoting government support of marriage and reproductive rights based on individual freedom.    Some say the right has an agenda of defining and limiting choices based in part on religious beliefs.  When describing a vision, we need to explain the advantages and reasons behind our opinions before we attack the opposite viewpoint.  We need to find ways to persuade the general population to agree with us instead of degrading those who disagree.  We won't get very far if we only speak to those who already agree with us.  We need to carefully listen to and respect those who disagree in order to change their minds.
     Most citizens would agree that we have the best form of government even though we may not agree with the way our government is behaving at the present time.  Democracy thrives when all points of view are considered while individual rights are protected.  When you have a cultural agenda, you need to present your viewpoint, find ways to sustain what you think is right, and implement any changes you think are necessary.

Tribes

     When we read the word tribes, we often picture Native Americans or other groups in the jungles of Africa and South America or in the outback of Australia.  They usually are non-white with native traditions and styles of dress.  They band together to survive, to share with their members, and to continue their traditional ways.  We sometimes do not realize that we are also members of tribes.
     Your extended family is a type of tribe with relatives helping each other and passing on value systems and long-held traditions.  Your church is another type of tribe organized to benefit all it's members and passing on religious beliefs.  Political parties are tribes who help each other get elected and retain power while furthering a particular agenda.  Other organizations seek loyal members who agree on purpose and objectives.
    Most tribes have a loyalty to their own members and believe that their survival depends on protecting their own.  When cooperation with other tribes is difficult, battles may ensue.  When more "civilized" tribes don't cooperate, the battle of words can begin.  Discussions and debates can be healthy until the overpowering objective is to win the battle. 
     In primitive tribes, survival depends on loyalty.  In our more complex world, survival depends on cooperation.   
         

The Fourth Estate

      In Jolly Old England and Europe, three estates existed: the clergy, the aristocrats, and the commoners.  In America, everyone is equal with the same rights and privileges.  We still, however, place people into categories: the clergy, the rich and powerful, the middle class, and the poor.  Our government has three branches: the executive, the legislative, and the judicial which enable a method of checks and balances.
     The fourth estate is the public press or news media and their journalists.  The best of them investigate, research, and publish their stories without bias or prejudice.  They question everything and come up with the truth.  This keeps a check on everyone.  
     Perhaps our brains have four estates: religious beliefs, knowledge and education, common sense, and the desire to discover the truth.  The combination of these areas of thought can keep us balanced. 

Selfie

     An instant to create and share, a selfie records your outward appearance during a single activity.  Presenting a snapshot of your inner thoughts and opinions takes a little more time.  We can also aim the camera away from ourselves to view other people and their behavior.  We need to take the time to understand the way they think.  The camera can also help us see into the distance far away from ourselves.  Understanding the bigger picture can help us mature beyond our selfie interests.
     Some people seem satisfied with their self-portraits, content with their outward image and their inner self.  Frequently, they find it easier to judge others than to focus on their own need for improvement.  Perhaps, they truly care about other people who seem to be harming themselves, risking their souls, and causing the downfall of society.  Perhaps, they just want to design the world according to their own opinions and beliefs.
     Taking and sharing a selfie presents our image to the world.  We send and receive these self-portraits which capture a moment in time.  Sharing our thoughts and opinions can reveal what is important to us.  Seeing beyond our own little world, respecting others, and looking at a variety of views can help us understand the big picture.

Pragmatic

     Most of us have heard Dr. Phil ask, "How's that working for you?" usually after someone has described their behavior in a problem situation.  The person then admits that their actions are not producing the results they want.  Part of the solution then is to change or improve their behavior to produce better results.  This is an example of being pragmatic, predicting the consequences, solving the problem, and taking action.
     Some say this is the way to judge behavior: do what works to create the outcome.  Others say what you do must first comply with standards set by what you believe is good and right established by your religion or other philosophy.  Based on religion, some behaviors are considered always wrong for everyone.  Pragmatists are more inclined to give each individual the right to choose their own behavior based on their situation as long as it is legal.
     We may wish, hope, and pray for certain consequences, but some results are out of our control.  No matter what we do, we may not be able to create the desired outcome; however, we may have more power to control the future than we  realize.  We have to analyze the variety of choices, consider the short and long term effects, then do whatever works.
     Although we may value the opinions of others, we may need to take a fresh look at our lives  and have confidence in our own opinions about what to do.  We also need to allow others to form their own opinions and do what works for them.  Be pragmatic.   

Guides

     Many Christians use the Bible as a guide to behavior.  They believe that this text is inspired by God and applies to the people of Bible times as well as to us today.  Certain passages are used to define appropriate behavior and sinful behavior.  Many people put their faith in the Bible first and foremost.  Whatever conflicts with their interpretation of the scriptures is then perceived as wrong.
     Often science is seen as faulty about the formation of the universe and the evolution of the species.  Homosexuality is viewed as deviant and sinful.  Some even see birth control as against God's will. They view the fertilized egg as a human being with a soul which must be  preserved at all costs and  believe that women should continue all pregnancies until a baby is born.  Many also believe that our government should make the laws and grant human rights based on the Bible.
     Conflicts come when any religious philosophy is used as a primary source of opinion without considering other sources of information.  Our society today has a greater understanding  of science, human behavior, and the right to privacy.  Our democracy allows freedom of religion but does not favor one philosophy over another.  We allow citizens to guide themselves toward their own truth as long as their behavior has been deemed legal.

Calling

     Some people believe they have a calling from God, usually referring to a religious vocation or a profession that is aligned with God's will.  Some feel called by patriotism to serve their country in the military or in politics. Others have faith in their own inner voice that leads them to choose an occupation or a position within society.
     Many people never hear a call from above or from anywhere else.  They do their best to find a way to develop their talents and skills in order to support themselves and their families.  Most people would like to enjoy what they do and get a sense of fulfillment from their efforts.  Unfortunately,  many people find themselves just working to make ends meet at low paying jobs, or worse yet, are unemployed.
     Young people need to discover their talents and strengths, their likes and dislikes, before they take on the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood.  They should get a good idea of what occupations are in demand so that when they finish their education and training, they will be able to find employment.
     We all need to listen to our call to contribute our talents and labors and find a satisfying way to support ourselves.  We may feel a calling that leads us toward our destiny, or we may just have to listen closely to our own voice and follow our dreams.

Flower or Fruit

     A flower is a reproductive system often attracting animals, birds, and insects to help with pollination.  The beauty of a blossom also attracts humans who are in awe of color, shape, and scent.  After pollination, fruit forms which can give sustenance to other creatures.
     Much of our life can be spent as a flower.  We want to sustain our outer beauty to be attractive to others especially the opposite sex.  Much time is spent on reproduction making sure our species continues through future generations.  We then focus on children and grandchildren helping them blossom.
     Perhaps we should spend more time being a fruit, developing our talents to create products and services that will benefit others beyond our own families.  Everyone should take responsibility to sustain and improve the environment and to improve the lives of those nearby and around the world.
     A flower's main objective is to be attractive and reproduce itself.  It's lifetime is important yet short.  The fruit takes much longer to develop and produces seeds for the next generation.  When fully developed, the fruit provides food for other creatures.  We all spend part of our lives being flowers, but at maturity, we need to become fruit.     
    

Domino Effect

     Dominoes, countries, and ideas may have something in common.  When the first one falls, the others may begin falling.  A properly aligned row of dominoes may all begin falling one after another.  Surrounding countries may be in danger when the first country falls to communism.  When an idea is questioned and seems false, many associated ideas may fall into question.
     Many people fear questioning their opinions and beliefs because of the domino effect; however,  one idea may be false without impacting the truth of associated ideas.  We should not be afraid of questioning our beliefs or the beliefs of others.  No person, opinion, or religion should be exempt from questioning.  Many religions, however, prefer us to relinquish our rights to question or disagree and instead wish us to accept the authority of church leaders and scriptures.  They want people to accept already established traditional doctrine based on faith.
     Some people don't want to ask the big questions because they feel secure and comfortable with predetermined truths.  Questioning almost seems sacrilegious and dangerous to them.  Doubt can be very uncomfortable. They certainly don't want to give up the perks of their religion including the Perfect Parent and eternal life.  When something is true, questioning should lead to enlightenment.
     Watching dominoes fall in a perfectly aligned design is entertaining.  Witnessing countries being in danger of encroaching communism is scary for the whole world.  Questioning our long-held opinions and beliefs can also be scary but may be a necessary step toward wisdom.
    

Triggers

     When a gun explodes, we know that someone has pulled the trigger.  When people have an emotional explosion of anxiety, depression, or anger,  they may blame someone else for pulling their trigger.  Unpleasant events or feelings of the past can resurface and exaggerate their thinking.  We need to be aware of and control our triggers, to be accountable for our reactions instead of blaming other  people and events for causing our behavior.
     Trigger warning labels often placed on movies (sexual content, violence, etc.) are now being considered appropriate for written works.  If the viewer or reader thinks that certain content will trigger unpleasant or traumatic memories, they will be warned.  These warnings are also useful to determine what will be appropriate for younger people or for those who find certain subjects objectionable.
     Sometimes, a trigger can cause positive reactions; something stimulates the imagination or stops procrastination so we can get moving toward a goal.  We need to develop ways to trigger ourselves toward beneficial behavior and control ourselves instead of blaming others for triggering negative behavior.  We also need to minimize triggering others who may not be able to control their reactions. 

Self-talk

     In the sports world, positive self-talk can be a powerful motivator when it comes to endurance.  The mind-over-fatigue concept using motivational phrases reduces the perception of effort and leads to optimum performance.  Positive self-talk in the face of defeat can cause an athlete to come from behind and win.
     Acting as your own cheerleader, you can tell yourself: "Drive forward." "Push through this." and "You're doing well."  Make up your own phrases or mantras.  You  have reserves of strength you may not be aware of.  This technique has been proven to work with athletes, and perhaps it can also work in the longest endurance feat ever - living a long, healthy life.
     We all can benefit when others act as our cheerleaders, but we must continually give ourselves positive, motivating messages.  When physical or mental fatigue creeps in, when we feel exhaustion of body and mind, when we feel defeated or ready to give up, we need to continue to work toward our goals.  Sometimes, we will alter our goals and take necessary steps to rest and recuperate.  We need to keep giving ourselves positive messages especially when those close to us may not be cheering us on.  Our finish line, the end of our game will come soon enough.  In the meantime, keep talking. 

Motivated Reasoning

     Thinking logically and sensibly, judging information, and justifying beliefs are all parts of reasoning, a mental process that leads us to see cause and effect and to distinguish between truth and falsehood.  We try to understand ourselves and our world.
     From birth on, we are persuaded to think a certain way.  Our parents and even generations of ancestors have presented us with both truth and opinions voiced as truth.  We tend to associate with like-minded friends and groups who reinforce our thinking.  Often our head is influenced by our heart; our reason is swayed by emotion which can color how "facts" are perceived.
     Sometimes, we are motivated toward reasoning that may be biased or false.  Our faulty reasoning may satisfy personal goals or contain some reward.  Instead of considering many points of view, people often seek out only information that confirms what they already believe.  They may have a strong emotional stake in conclusions already reached or may find it difficult to contradict family and friends. Self-delusion can feel good and at times motivate people to defend falsehoods.
     We need to analyze why people including ourselves are motivated to think the way they do.  Much of the reasoning may be true and the motivations may be pure.  In some cases, however, motivation may be influenced by emotion, bias, or self-serving goals.
     We also need to think about how we react to reasoning different than our own.  A good first step is to listen to the opposition, try to see if they have logical reasons for their beliefs, and detect their motivation.  After that, explain and defend your own reasoning.
     Effective reasoning uses logic and sound judgment without emotional interference.  Try to be aware of motivated reasoning in yourself and others.    

Inerrancy

     Many Christians believe in Biblical inerrancy, that men were inspired by God to write the Bible which contains no errors.  Some believe in the literal translation.  Two examples are that God created the universe in six days and created Eve from Adam's rib.  Other Christians believe that some parts of the Bible are not to be taken literally but are metaphors or legends.  Other religions believe in God but have their own holy scriptures other than or in addition to the Bible.   Still others believe the idea of God is an error in thinking.  They obviously believe that down through time, men have recorded history and invented the spiritual element.
     Conservative Christians believe they have the real truth and that others are in error.  More liberal Christians are inclined to accept scientific explanations which could not be understood by the writers of the Bible.  Liberals think the literalists are in error.  Agnostics believe proof doesn't exist in any case.  Atheists believe the whole concept of God and spiritual texts are inventions of human beings.
     Three types of faith exist: faith in God, faith in inspired scriptures, and faith in your own ability to know the truth.  Those who believe in Biblical inerrancy are confident they have the true story.  The rest of the population leaves room for the possibility of human error.

Massage

     Massage does a body good.  Through touch, pressure, push, pull, and stretching, a therapist or chiropractor can reduce stress, tension, and pain plus provide relaxation, flexibility, healing, and a sense of well-being.  As the body improves, so does the mind.  The reverse is also true: as we improve our mental and emotional state, our body will benefit.
     We need to learn how to massage our mind, get in touch with our thoughts and emotions.  Check how much pressure we place on ourselves and others.  Some pressure is beneficial to accomplish the necessary tasks of life, but excessive pressures need to be reduced or eliminated.  Sometimes we need to push ourselves to get what we want out of life.  Sometimes we need to pull back from overdoing and overextending ourselves.  Stretching our thinking, widening our perspective, and becoming more flexible will strengthen our mind.  Our emotional health should also improve as we relax, take life in stride, calm our reactions, and reduce frustration, worry, and anger.
     Research has shown that infant massage can relax and calm babies plus help relieve pain.  This touch can help all ages toward better health.  Getting in touch with our thoughts and emotions can have similar results.  Massage is good for both body and mind.
       

Critics

     Professional critics are experts who analyze and judge merits and faults of theater, movies, books, and even legislation.  The most effective critics keep an open mind and recognize what is good along with what needs improvement.  Criticism is frequently thought of as finding fault, but the goals of a good critic are to educate the public and help improve what is being judged.
     When hearing or reading someone else's opinions, consider the critic's qualifications and objectives.  The critic may have a hidden agenda to promote or to tear down something or someone.  Prejudice in favor or against can cause a critic to be less trustworthy.  Try to recognize a fair criticism when you hear or read one.  Be careful if you begin to prefer only opinions that align with your own preconceived ideas.
     When we wish to be critics, we should remember what good critics do.  Learn as much as possible about the topic, put aside prejudices, analyze the pros and cons, and present our opinions in order to inform and be helpful.  When we receive criticism, we should decide on it's validity and use suggestions we deem helpful. 

5 Ws + 1 H

     Journalists use this formula to get the complete story, so maybe we should do the same to get our own story.  Answer these questions: Who am I, what do I do, where, when, why, and how?
     Once we get beyond describing our vital statistics, history, relationship IDs (mother, brother, etc.) and occupation, we can begin to describe our personality, values, and opinions.  We can analyze what we do, where and when.  Next we need to think about why and how.  Understand who you are today.
     Next, think about who you want to be in the future, what you want to do, where, when, why, and how.  Plan your future. 
     This autobiography can help you understand yourself and your world.  Take the time to ask yourself these questions and take as much time as necessary to form the answers.  Write down your story, add to it when advisable, and keep it private or share with others.    
        

Foibles

     Idiosyncrasies, quirks, strange or silly habits, most of us have foibles that are sometimes annoying but not usually harmful.  Often people don't see their own foibles until someone makes a joke or otherwise points them out.  If someone judges our behavior as odd, we often discount their opinion.  We think our  behavior is normal and even necessary to accomplish our goals. We  might be wiser to at least consider opinions other than our own.
     Normal includes a wide range of behaviors, and unique personality traits can be quite interesting.  We may like our own style, but others may see how some of our habits may actually be reducing our overall effectiveness.  When we are too secure in our own logic and opinions, we often prevent the benefits of helpful advice.  Sometimes we need to see ourselves through the eyes of others, so we don't become slaves to our foibles.

Decline

     Sudden or gradual, temporary or permanent, a decline in physical and mental abilities takes a great deal of adjustment.  You may experience a decline in yourself or in your loved ones and have to face serious and often sad consequences.
     Strokes, accidents, and other sudden onset health problems are shocking and often require immediate adjustments.  More gradually developing problems allow time to prepare for what is to come.  Some problems may be temporary and can even be improved or overcome.  Unfortunately, other situations may be permanent and can even worsen.  We may become more dependent on a spouse, children, or professional caretakers.  Or a loved one may become more dependent on us.
     We do what we can to escape or postpone decline, but most of us who live to a ripe old age will have moments of feeling we are going downhill.  We may grieve the loss of youth.  Let's hope the wisdom of age will help us cope.  Now we can better understand our grandparents, parents, and other loved ones who have faced health problems.  We can develop compassion for those going through hard times.  Many people even get actively involved in finding cures for devastating diseases.
     As age creeps into our bones and all the other body parts, we need to focus on what we can do instead of what we can't.  As everyone knows, life has many ups and downs, and we have to adjust.  Better to appreciate what we have and accept the natural process of decline.

"Everybody's Doin' It Now"

     In the early 1900's, Irving Berlin wrote this song which caused everyone to get up and dance.  Ragtime music was very popular.  Each generation produces music that creates the desire to dance.  We are influenced by everybody doing it now.
     We may choose to follow everyone else or do our own thing.  Our parents, peers, religion, and culture have influenced us by an early age.   We model ourselves on our parents, their values, and religion.  We become part of a peer group and culture.  We follow a calendar of events and adopt annual traditions with ceremonies, gifts, food, and family gatherings.  Everyone is doing it, so there must be some merit and enjoyment involved.  If those people and things that influence us truly benefit us, well and good.  If these influences stop us from considering other ideas or prevent us from standing up to family and peer pressures, then not so good.  We need to decide if we want to do what our family and friends expect or not.
     We also need to understand how our culture is influencing us.  We observe the world in person and through the media that seems to show certain behaviors are becoming more prevalent: violence, promiscuity, drugs, one-sided propaganda, and intolerance.  From colored hair and mani-pedis to tattoos and body piercings, the natural look seems out.  People tend to idolize youth, outer beauty, fame, and wealth.  Short term goals get the most consideration without thinking about the consequences.  Just because the pop culture seems to condone certain behaviors doesn't mean you have to agree or go along with it.
     Think about what you're doing and why you're doing it.  Design your own life. You may do what everybody's doing or do your own thing.  You don't have to dance to someone else's tune.   
      

Supernatural

      Beliefs may be based on natural laws, supernatural power, or a combination of both.
     The amazing laws of nature enable the universe and all within it, including us, to exist and thrive.  Even though most of us are not scientists, we trust the scientific methods that reveal what has gone on for billions of years and how things work today.
     Many people put their faith in the supernatural that goes beyond the laws of nature.  They believe that God came first, created the universe, communicates with humans, inspired holy scriptures, enables miracles, and provides heaven for life after death.
     Conflicts can arise when we try to incorporate both beliefs into our thinking.  Those who believe that religious faith supersedes natural laws may take the scriptures literally and believe in creationism rather than evolution.  Others realize that scriptures were written for people living at that time who could not understand modern science.  Some believe that stories of the bible are fact; some believe many of the stories are fables.  Some feel that their religious beliefs should help form the laws that apply to all US citizens.
     Those who do not have strong religious beliefs may have less trust in the authenticity of scriptures and may not believe in events outside the laws of nature like miracles.  Some believe that humans created the idea of God to provide a parent figure who loves and protects, teaches how to behave, provides comfort, and eases fears.  
     You may put your trust in the natural or the supernatural or try to blend both.  Appreciate our freedom to choose our beliefs and celebrate life.     
        

Fidelity

     Loyalty, faithfulness, and promises kept enable fidelity.  Promises or vows made to each other can begin and sustain marriage.
     When we make a promise, we usually do it wholeheartedly with the best intentions.  We may keep those vows for a lifetime.  In some cases, however, vows are broken. 
     Some promises shouldn't be made in the first place.  Other  promises are made without realizing how complicated they will be to keep.  In some instances, promises need to be evaluated, redesigned, or completely changed.  When two people vow fidelity to each other and one breaks the promise, the other may choose to negate the union.  Sometimes, the injured party shows forgiveness, and the union can mend and continue.
     Fidelity goes beyond sexual monogamy.  To be loyal to your spouse includes love, understanding, and doing what it takes to have a successful life together.  We all need to remember how we felt and what we promised on our wedding day.
     I remember over 50 years ago, when my husband and I were planning our vows.  I made it clear that I would not promise to obey my husband.  Patriarchy was outdated even then; women and men realized the benefits of partnership.  We said our vows and have been able to keep them all these years.  Make sure that any promise you make is something you truly believe in and are determined to keep.  With deepening love and continued loyalty, fidelity will be your reward.      

Mistakes

     If you have time to plan, mistakes can be reduced.  Without that time, take action - just do it.  Hesitation or inaction may rob you of the opportunity.
     Some people resist action out of shyness or fear of judgment.  They allow the opinions of others to supersede their own.  Other people will think all sorts of things based on their perspectives, prejudices, and ignorance, but what you think about yourself is most important.  Wasted time considering possible repercussions can limit communication and active participation.
     Caution may be necessary in some situations, but don't make that an excuse.  Be brave, take chances, and don't fear making mistakes.  You can learn from them, ask for forgiveness when necessary, and try again.  It has been said that not making a decision is a decision.
     When you don't have the luxury of time, when you feel the need to act or react, let your experience and instincts spur you forward.  The risk of making a mistake may be smaller than you expect.  Be willing to take that risk so you can make the most of your opportunities.   

Underwhelmed

     Unimpressed, disappointed, bored, being underwhelmed can have two causes.  (1) People or events may fail to impress as intended or (2) your expectations are too high or unrealistic.
     Let's face it, some people or events can be boring even to the majority of  us.  Misleading advertising or hype may be involved.  Old routines may have outlasted their usefulness.  In other circumstances,  we may expect too much out of certain people or events, more than they can realistically deliver.  We may be too quick to judge instead of trying to understand.  We may feel disappointed when behavior is not according to our value system or when outside sources don't cater to our wishes or give us satisfaction.
     The world does not conform to our wishes.  We need to adapt, change our attitude, or improve our lives.  Everyone has to withstand some times that are mundane and boring, but we can also use our imagination and expand our mind to appreciate the ordinary and unexciting.  We can also try new things and meet new people.
      Underwhelmed is a relatively new term, coined a few years ago, but we all know what it means.  Hopefully, we only feel this way from time to time.  When we begin to be bored or disappointed with a big portion of our lives, we need to do something, to appreciate the way things are or make changes.    

Overwhelmed

     Too much, too soon, too unpleasant, being overwhelmed happens to everyone now and then.  If you are breathing, you are surviving.  If you are getting nourishment, rest, and sleep, you will make it through.
     Change your perspective of time: think about today, tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.  This too shall pass.  Change your perspective of location: have a change of scene, take a walk, breathe in some fresh air and observe nature and everything around you.  Do something you enjoy; have some fun.
     Make a plan, get organized, take one step at a time, one day at a time.  Erase the unimportant from your to-do list.  Do only what is absolutely necessary.  Share your stress, tell somebody, ask for and accept help.
     Reduce negativity.  Be grateful and accentuate the positive.  Write down your thoughts, worries, and plans.  Build up your strength and have confidence that you can do whatever it takes to overcome your problems and get past feeling overwhelmed.