HOMETOWN

 Spending your life in your hometown has many advantages.  Your parents and grandparents probably live nearby, plus siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins; you can be part of their everyday lives and see each other as often as you like instead of just once or twice a year.  You are able to help each other.  You can keep in contact with childhood and high school friends.  You can raise your children in similar surroundings where you were raised.  If they stay in their hometown, the more the merrier. 

You can use your talents, develop a career, and benefit your lifelong home. You know the lay of the land and can easily get to where you want to go.  Everything is familiar.  You can witness gradual changes and improvements over the years and become a link in history of a place you call home.

Moving away from home may feel like an adventure or perhaps something you think is necessary for financial security.  Your unique talents may require another place.  You may move to other cities, states, or countries.  But is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence?

  

WARTS AND ALL

True love for friends, relatives, and lovers means you accept each other as is.  Imperfections occur in everyone.  Outer beauty fades, or at least our culture thinks so.  Youth seems to be the ideal.  When we notice signs of aging in ourselves and others, we often feel less than.  Instead of appreciating nature in its many forms, both young and old, some people want to keep their former younger appearance. Our culture often judges by stereotypes and practices age discrimination thinking the older generation is less capable.  Older but wiser should be the slogan.

Some imperfections in thinking and behavior can affect inner beauty.  Personality quirks may become evident.  Forgiveness may be necessary to sustain our loving feelings for others and ourselves.  

Warts and other physical imperfections may be evident at first glance.  Other imperfections may be noticed with time.  Say "I love you" to those you love, and just as important, love yourself just the way you are.  

HELPFUL CONVERSATIONS

Giving and receiving help can begin with conversation.  Sharing your problems is good for physical and mental health.  Perhaps something in the past is still casting a shadow on the present.  Maybe something going on in the present is upsetting.  Or worrying about the future is causing stress.

A trusted friend can help you understand and express emotions involved.  Just telling another person can bring some relief.  Just listening to a friend can help.  If the troubling situation is in the past and the people involved are gone, you may feel guilt and have to forgive yourself.  If you resent the way you have been treated, you may have to forgive others.  If the people involved are still alive, what better time to have a conversation with them.  If the troubling situation is happening in the present, a trusted friend may help you sort it out.  The same goes for anticipating the future.

You can help a friend; a friend can help you. 

   

HARD CONVERSATIONS

Friendships may not always improve after hard conversations, but the two people have the opportunity to better understand each other.  We need to have in mind what our purpose or goal is when we begin a hard conversation.  Sometimes people even try to avoid certain topics when they already know they have differences.

Some obvious difficult topics are politics and religion.  Some people believe in freedom over governmental restrictions or religious law.  Some people have opinions they don't want to change and get emotional over certain topics.  Some people have trouble understanding other points-of-view, and the conversation may turn into an argument.

Nevertheless, hard conversations have benefits.  We clarify our own beliefs and learn to respectfully listen to other opinions.  Hopefully, we can better understand other ideas from acquaintances and the many people around the world.

 

CONVERSATIONS

Going beyond small talk, two people can get to know each other even better through good conversation.  Each person should have the desire to learn about the other person and not be self-absorbed, more interested in talking about themselves.  We can find out about life stories, what happened and how they feel about the events.  We can see how these events led up to their points-of-view, their unique perspective, values, and opinions.  Of course, the conversation will go back and forth as we learn about each other.

Conversations can begin with good questions, and as we listen to answers, we can expand the topic by asking about the details and feelings involved, and about lessons learned.  Don't be too anxious to shift the attention to yourself.  

The person should feel that you want to understand their perspective.  You may find you have much in common.  Sometimes you will agree with their opinions; sometimes not.  If you both remain respectful, the conversation will succeed.  This is how friendships are formed.    

SMALL TALK

 After we form our first impression of a person's physical appearance, small talk may begin as we get to know each other.  Our first talks may occur as we participate in various activities: having a drink or a meal, playing games, sports and other fun activities.  We learn about families and common interests.

Making friends often includes just being there for each other in happy fun times and in hard times needing compassion.  Hugs included.  Sometimes actions speak louder than words.   

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Often noticed first: size, shape, gender, age, clothes, face, hair, eye contact, body language.  In seconds, we form opinions which can be clouded by preconceived ideas, stereotyping and prejudice.  After we determine how the person looks to us, we listen to their speech: local or different accent, confident or shy, chatty or quiet.  We may begin to unconsciously compare the person to ourself.  

Then what they say adds to our first impression.  At the same time, that other person is getting their first impression of us. 

HOW MUCH PINK?

 

Pink often means feminine for baby girl or females of any age.  Mother love may also seem pink.  As women go through the various stages of life including mother to a baby or to an adult daughter or son, we often wonder about how much attention can be too much.  Often, we base our thinking on what our daughters or sons seem to need or want.  We determine what a young child needs, but as the child becomes an adult and has children of their own, they seem to be more in charge of our relationship. 

How much pink do they want in their lives, how much communication, how much together time: these thoughts come to mind.  The older we both get, mother and child, the more complex the relationship.  We remember the relationship with our own mom, but in many ways times have changed.  Many people don't even live in the same state.  Few people still live under the same roof.  Long-distance phone calls and snail mail are mostly things of the past.  We use smart phones and quick texts are more the norm.

We mothers and grandmothers have to adjust.    

   

 

RIZZ

Oxford 2023 Word of the Year, short for charisma.  We all would like some rizz, the ability to attract another person through style, charm, or attractiveness.  This asset can help us get attention, make friends, influence people, and even get votes. Internet sources give ways to get or improve our rizz.

Have good hygiene, be clean, well-groomed and physically fit.  Dress for success in your goals.  Have a positive attitude, be self-confident yet humble.  In conversation, be a good listener, make eye contact, be genuine and sincere, show your interest in others, their needs, feelings, and opinions. Think about what impresses you in other people.  

Some of our rizz may come naturally, but we all can improve.  

      

     

 

DECADES OF CHRISTMAS

The older you are the more sweet memories you have of the past which usually include family gatherings of mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa.  Next, memories may include a spouse, children, and grandchildren.  We appreciate having many years spent with family and look forward to the future; however, when grandpa, grandma, dad, and mom are no longer with us, when children marry and move away, when our spouse dies, Christmas can become full of those we miss.  We look toward to our children and grandchildren to help us make new memories.

My generation remembers when many of the holiday songs were played on the radio and record player.  So when we hear them now, we can't help but picture ourselves living in our childhood home with an intact family. When romantic holiday songs are heard, we can't help but think of our spouse.  Nostalgia can be both pleasant and sad.  When we no longer live in a family home, songs like "There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays" produce a longing for the past that can never be revisited.

Each decade seems to expand Christmas to last more than a month, more time to decorate, shop, and spend.   The old-fashioned, more innocent Christmas is a thing of the past.     

Many people enjoy all the trappings of the season, but consider how others may feel.  Even though we are thankful for the many Christmases we have had, we remember what we have lost.  The younger you are the harder it may be to understand the older generation.   You may only understand when you have lived through many decades of Christmas.