You're OK

     If you were a fan of Saturday Night Live a few years back, you may remember a character named Stuart Smalley (aka Al Franken.)  He would look in a mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."  Perhaps we would benefit from this attitude when we begin to look back on our lives.
    Realize that what you see, how you look, and how you have lived your life is good enough.  Your personality, your talents, and your helpful ways have made people like you.  Don't compare yourself to others or to some ideal.  Find contentment being yourself.
     Some people feel they should analyze their shortcomings and make resolutions to change.  Maybe appreciating the unique person you have become is better.  Continue on the path you have designed.  You may decide to change or remain the same.  As Stuart would say, "And that's OK."
   

One and Only

     When we are young, we may hope to meet and marry our one and only true love.  For some, this dream comes true.  For others, circumstances may cause them to lose their first love. They may meet a second person to love or may be satisfied to continue life on their own.  We all have been on our own for at least part of our lives.  We depend on the person who knows us best, who has been with us from our first breath to our last.  That person is yourself.  
     When we are young, most of us believe according to what are parents believed and where in the world we were born.  Some believers hold fast to that one and only religion for their entire lives.  For others, circumstances may cause them to leave their first religion and adopt another or not practice any religion at all.
     We may want a soul mate to share our lives or choose to live by ourselves.  We may believe that our soul needs to connect with a spiritual world through religion or choose to live without any religion.  We just need to live our one and only life the best we can.

We Are The World

     We are sisters and brothers sharing the same home.  We are alike: need sufficient clothing, shelter, food, and clean water, want to be healthy, free of disease and pain, and hope for peace without war and strife.  We are different: varieties of religions and philosophies, opinions and perspectives, talents, interests and lifestyles.
     With this in mind, we should plan how to spend our time, energy, and money.  We can do much personally within our families and close associates.  In order to help those beyond our own acquaintances,  we can contribute to churches and charities and through taxes to our government.  So often, we easily give to our own, our children, grandchildren, and other relatives and friends. Our sympathy is easier to extend to people who are like us.  We find it harder to give freely to those who are different.
     As we do what we can to help others survive, we need to do what we can to help them improve their lives.  As we solve our own problems, we can help others solve theirs.  Everyone needs to be educated to the point that they are able to contribute to the economy.  Parenthood should be postponed until parents can support their children.  We need to take care of our bodies, stay as healthy as possible, and make sure everyone has access to health care.  We need to take care of our home and our environment and be good stewards of our natural resources.  Governments need to focus on diplomacy and peace instead of military force.
     Mother Earth provides all the resources necessary for survival, but circumstances may make it very difficult for many of her children to have a satisfying lifestyle.  Our concern should not be with just our corner of the world, our dot on the map.  We are not just members of our own family or residents of our own neighborhood. We are the world.        
   





       

Artificial Sweeteners

     We all need a little sugar in our lives: smiles, hugs, encouragement, appreciation, compliments, and thank-yous.  Our minds and bodies need the energy and stamina to accomplish the necessary tasks of life.  Some people, however, go to the extremes of abusing food, alcohol, tobacco, and drugs to temporarily lift their spirits.  Beware when using these artificial  sweeteners to distort reality.
     Many people use religion to deal with the bitter side of life: loneliness, disappointment, illness, and death.  They believe God is by their side guiding them toward eternal life.  Other people try to appreciate the sweetness of nature and their place in it, to be thankful for the bounty and accept the rhythms of life and death.
     Our objective should be to add our sweetness to the world, to develop our abilities to help each  other have a better life.  We all may need a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, but we should not sugarcoat reality.  Artificial sweeteners do not replace the real thing.

Who am I to judge?

     Judge yourself, your own behavior, opinions, and beliefs.  Try to form your own basis for judgment instead of automatically adopting the standards of your religion, your parents, or any previous "expert."  Have confidence in your own common sense and logic instead of echoing the rhetoric of previously set ideas.  Remain curious, question everything, consider your sources of information, and look at the total picture.
     When you have a sound basis for judgment, focus evaluating and improving yourself and your side of relationships.  Try to see others without clouding the picture by judging them.  You will broaden your perspective and better understand human behavior.  Open up your heart and let the sunshine in.
     Recently, the Pope asked the question, "Who am I to judge?"  Supposedly an expert on God's will, he should have a pretty good basis to judge.  Catholics, non-Catholics, and non-believers can see the wisdom behind his question.  We need to open our hearts and minds to accept others as they are instead of judging them on the basis of our own standards.

Tyranny of Tradition

     We accept traditions from the past often without thinking or questioning their function and value.  Traditions work when elders elevate their desires and opinions and convince the younger generation to accept the ways of the past.  Those in power may be trying to  perpetuate a religion, a value system, or a way of life, to hold on to their authority to decide what others should do.
     Many traditions may be worthy of including in our lives, and we may begin new traditions of our own with hopes that our children will adopt and continue them.  We must, however, take time to consider which traditions really serve to improve our lives and which traditions need to be changed or eliminated.  We shouldn't value the past to the point that it inhibits the development of our present and future.
     During the holidays, many people get comfort in repeating religious and family traditions.  They hear the same stories, sing the same songs, and even eat the same foods.  This often brings nostalgia and the warm and fuzzies.  We think of our childhood when our parents were alive, then when we raised our own children.  We hope that our grandchildren will always remember us and family times together.  Traditions reinforce religious beliefs and bring up memories of the past.
     We need to think about how much we encourage our children to do their own thing rather than expect them to feel obligated or guilty if they don't accept our beliefs and traditions.  Our opinions are just that, ours. We may agree with our elders and may encourage the next generation to agree with us, but we need to honor each generation to have the freedom to design their own lives.  Tyranny occurs when those in authority use their power to pressure others to do their will.  

EDD

     Some people are unable to step outside themselves and tune in to what other people experience, feel, think, and believe. They are locked in to a self-centered world and are labeled as having empathy deficit disorder.  With counseling, many of them learn strategies to live with and to try to overcome this disorder.  They first need to identify their own feelings, then get cues about the feelings of others.  Most difficult with anyone is developing empathy with people who think and believe differently from themselves.
     The ability to empathize  can be seen in young children.  As people expand this ability, they can understand others, even those who are very different from themselves.  Some experts believe that certain people never develop empathy which enables them to abuse, harm, and even kill without remorse or regret.
     We all have varying abilities to empathize.  Consider the advantages of a couple who truly has empathy for each other.  Image the improvement in getting along with friends and strangers.  What a better world we would have if we could empathize with people of different religions, opinions, and political beliefs.  Get beyond your self-centered world and stretch your understanding to the poor, the immigrant, and even your enemy.
     Don't let an empathy deficit become a handicap which limits you and your relationships with others. Try to walk in someone else's shoes.  Practice empathy.

Gifting

     Is Santa in control?  Both adults and children seem to enjoy this idea.  Adults like to give anonymously and experience the joy an innocent child gets from anticipating and receiving special toys from the magical character.
     Are retailers pushing the buttons?  Buyers are stirred up by advertising and special sales for weeks in advance of the holidays.  They add to the idea that acquiring things can bring happiness.
     Is tradition the biggest influence?  We continue past behaviors because we want to duplicate the happy memories.  We may feel obligated to our family and find it difficult to make changes.
     Is religion the guide?  Christians may be honoring God who gave the gift of his son.  The wise men brought gifts to the babe.  Believers may get into the spirit of giving.
     When do we take control?  Of course, hardly anyone wants to take Santa from children.  A balance can be made between "what I want" and "what can I give."  The gift can be time and simple homemade items.  This type of giving should go on all year instead of just for holidays.  Resisting pressure from retailers is difficult, but we must rely on common sense.  We can  rethink our traditions and plan what works best for us.
      December may be a time for religious observance and family tradition.  Just ask yourself who or what is influencing your decisions.  Gifting can be done all year long.  

Evil

     Some say that evil begins by going against God's will, that He is the source of good and has revealed His standards for human behavior.  Going against these standards is sinful.  Some also believe that Satanic forces are a source of evil.
     Non-religious explanations begin with the idea that nature is neither good or bad.  Individuals and societies down through history have tried to determine better ways to behave so we all can survive and have satisfying lives.  Many moral standards are agreed upon to enhance life.  When we are too selfish and neglect or harm others, our behavior can lead to immorality.  Individuals and society suffer.
     Often, it is easier to see evil in others, but we need to recognize if and when it begins to creep into our lives.  Perhaps it is a coincidence, but by reversing evil, we discover life as it should be.

Familiarity

     Knowing more about a person or a group can cause a variety of reactions.  As you discover what you have in common and appreciate the good qualities, familiarity can breed understanding and sympathy. When you begin to focus on differences, you can either appreciate the unique qualities or judge them as faults.   Familiarity can then breed contempt.  When you enjoy family, old friends, places, and traditions, familiarity can breed contentment.  When you are only content within your comfort zone or refuse to consider new ideas, familiarity can breed complacency.

     On the flip side, how can people get to know you better?  Your family and old friends will be the most familiar with you because they have had the time to understand your personality and have witnessed many facets of your life.  You also know them, their good points and their faults. You have sympathy for each other.  Try to extend  these feelings to others who cross your path and get to know them and let them know you.

     The majority of people in the world you will never meet or get to know and vise versa.  Try to extend your understanding and sympathy towards them and don't let their differences out shadow what you may have in common.  As you do meet new people, keep an open heart and mind.  As you expand your circle of friends, have sympathy for all types of people and consider many viewpoints, familiarity will breed the best of reactions.

    

Should/Shouldn't

     Many people believe that a list of shalls and shall nots come from God.  They were carved in stone and written in the Bible.  Stories were recorded about how people should behave.  Many religions have similar guidelines.  Our parents instilled in us additional dos and don'ts.  Our government has decided which behaviors are legal or illegal.  Punishments then fit the crimes.  We also have modes of manners to help people get along more pleasantly.  Everyone has the freedom to devise their own opinions of what we should and shouldn't do.  In these many ways, we judge our own behavior.
     Problems arise, however, when people feel they have the right to judge others.  Keep in mind that in a democracy, we can make our own rules as long as we aren't doing something illegal.  We will learn from experience what works best for us.  Conflicts arise when we try to impose our own personal should and should nots onto others.
     We need to think about why we are judging others and why we feel the need to be so critical.  Perhaps we have so much confidence, even overconfidence, in our own opinions.  We may get a feeling of superiority when we observe others with opinions and behaviors that don't match with ours.  We can get a sense that we are right and they are wrong.  Be careful before you decide what someone else should or shouldn't do.

The Edge

     Many of us enjoy a suspenseful movie which keeps us on the edge of our seat, anxiously awaiting what is going to happen next.  A few people like to live on the edge, often involved in exciting and dangerous activities.  Some people are involved on the cutting edge of science, technology, or fashion, discovering or creating the latest or most advanced developments.
     Being on the edge of your seat can be entertaining.  Living on the edge can be fun for some but nerve-wracking for others.  Being on the cutting edge as an innovator can be a rewarding occupation or hobby.
     The edge is where we are at the threshold of the unknown.  With courage, we can leave our comfort zone, take a risk, and enjoy an exciting experience.  Just like the pioneers, we can discover something new by going to the edge and beyond.  

The Poor

    Those of us who have enough food, clothing, shelter, and health care are not poor.  Most of us have had a family that cared for and supported us.  As adults, we have been able to care for and support ourselves and our children.  We often take pride in our ability to work and pay our own bills without help from government programs.
     This pride can lead us to blame the poor for causing their own financial woes.  We feel they have shirked their responsibility to work and provide the basic needs for themselves and their families.  We may feel that continuing to give to the poor only perpetuates their dependence on government assistance.
     Many factors have combined to keep us independent:
1.  Born into a household whose income provided the basic necessities
2.  Raised respecting the values of hard work, responsibility, and independence
3.  Receiving an education to equip us for employment
4.  Getting and keeping a job
5.  Receiving sufficient preventative health care and medical attention so we can remain healthy and continue working and caring for our family.
     The absence of just one of these factors may place us in the company of the poor.  We can not take all the credit for our financial situation, nor should we blame others who don't have what they need.  Our pride may tell us that we need to withhold help in order to teach the poor a lesson.  We are the ones who need to learn a lesson, to try to understand and help each other.    

Square

     In math, a shape with equal sides and equal angles or multiplying a number by itself.  In construction, being precisely aligned.  In business, a fair deal or paying the  bill.  In personality or behavior, a square can be seen as negative or positive.
     A few decades back, labeling someone as a square was an insult.  Either the person was unaware of what it took to be "cool" or chose not to identify with "passing fancies" in dress or behavior.  To them, the old fashioned ways were fine or even superior to more modern ways of doing things.
     Some people define themselves and take pride in being a square, conventional and conservative.  Their behavior is based on past wisdom which they feel is tried and true.  They may not have confidence in newer unproven ways.
     We all need to value those conventions of the past which still work well today and tomorrow.  We also need to be open to new ideas and solutions. The old and the new may be as equal in value as the sides and angles of a square.
     

Our Circle

     We give our attention, love, time, and understanding to an ever-expanding circle.  Out  of necessity, we need to give to ourselves in order to survive and develop.  We give to the family we were born into and to the new family we create which is an extension of ourselves.  We give to those close to us who reciprocate in friendship.   As we broaden our circle, we often give to those who are like us and have the same lifestyle, religion, and political philosophy.  We may find it more difficult to give to those who are different than we are.  And most difficult would be to give to our enemies.
     Each person is the center of their own circle.  As the person matures, the circle can become bigger.  As we become less self-centered, we can broaden our circle of concern, love, and understanding to include everyone.      

Who talks to you?

Who talks to you when you're alone?
Who whispers in your ear
Providing all the best advice
And takes away your fear?

A voice from the spirit world
Or a human combination
Of experience and wisdom
Plus your imagination

Some will say you always need
Messages from above.
Others say just trust yourself
And always act with love.

     We all need to be open to advice wherever we can get it.  Our family, friends, and experts can help us form an opinion or a decision.  Some people rely on various political voices to tell us what's what.  Many also believe that we can connect to the spirit world through prayer, by reading the Bible, and by listening to pastors.  We need to analyze the various sources of advice and make sure the messages we hear and read are authentic and contain the truth.
       








 

On The Fence

     When you find yourself sitting on the fence, you are still considering both sides of an issue.  You have time to remain neutral and delay a decision.  In some cases, you don't ever have to commit to just one way of thinking.
     Pressure may come from others to make a decision.  They may want you to agree with their way of thinking.  Once you choose one side or another, left or right, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, you may find comfort with your own group.  You may begin to stray from the middle, the moderate, or the independent.
     Don't let others pressure you to leave the fence, to make unnecessary decisions, to reduce your options.  Take your time and realize you may never have enough information or confidence in one side or the other. The longer you stay on the fence, the better position you will have to understand the advantages and disadvantages of both sides.

Religious Messages

     In most cases, our parents have guided us into a particular religion.  As we had faith in our parents, we believe what they believed.  They also taught us what not to believe, how other religions were mistaken on many issues, and how agnostics and atheists were completely wrong.  Many of us are prejudiced in favor of our own faith and against other faiths.
     Most religions convey the same basic messages:
1.  A higher spiritual power created the universe.
2.  Human beings can depend on this higher power to provide love, protection, and help.
3.  Our scriptures are true, accurate, and provide a guide to values and behavior.
4.  An afterlife awaits the faithful.
     Many religions are sending the wrong messages:
1.  All people are born heterosexual; homosexuality is a sin.
2.  Abortions are always wrong.
3.  What happens is supposed to happen, part of  God's plan, a reason for everything.
4.  Expect miracles, happenings beyond the laws of nature.
     In our democracy, all religions and lack of religion must coexist.  We wish this acceptance would apply around the world.  Overconfidence in any one particular religion can create dislike, hate, fear, and even war.  Religious messages should promote love and peace.
   

Cheer Up

     Often, we may be faced with the challenge of trying to help a sad person cheer up.  If  we are together face to face, the first step is to give hugs and love.  If we are communicating  from a distance, we can still give words of love.
     Next, get them talking.   Listen and empathize.  Ask questions to get a better understanding of their situation and feelings.  Ask about their physical health and discover if they are eating well, taking their meds,etc.  Have them suggest possible solutions.
     Remind them of the good they are doing with their life.  Encourage them to feel hope that they can cope.  Ask what you can do to help.
     Don't be judgmental.  Don't be too fast to try to solve the problem or offer opinions and suggestions.  Don't get off the subject or start talking about your own problems.
     At times, we may be the sad one trying to cheer ourselves up.  We need to follow some of the same steps.  Talk to someone.  Try to understand the causes of our sadness and think of possible solutions.  Make sure we are taking care of our physical health.  Ask for help.
     Sadness comes to us all.  Hopefully any depression is temporary.  How do you help a sad person cheer up?

Childish Ways

     A child is immature, not yet an adult.  The brain needs to develop to be able to think clearly and reason well.  The emotions need to stay in control and be expressed effectively.  Selfishness needs to lessen as empathy and compassion for others increase.  Self-sufficiency needs to replace dependence.  When we grow up, we need to put away childish ways.
     We still need to keep some childlike ways.  Remain curious and adventurous.  Delight in learning something new.  Ask questions and search for answers.  Be creative.  Enjoy the simple pleasures.  Play and have fun.
     A child needs to learn a lot from adults.  Adults need to learn a lot from children.  Each stage of development has its pluses and minuses.  As we interact with our children and grandchildren, we can remind ourselves how to be young at heart.
   

Separation

Birth: Your first separation, no longer physically connected to mother.
School:  You leave the nest where parents have given the basic, general information and go to teachers who give additional, more complex info.
Adolescence: You spend less time with parents and more with peers.
Relocate: You go to college or career as an adult.
Marriage: You leave childhood family to form a new partnership and family.
Birth: Your baby no longer physically connected to mother.
School: Your child leaves to continue education.
Adolescence: Your child spends less time with you and more with peers.
Home alone: Your child is now an independent adult.
Live alone: Your spouse leaves or dies.
Death: Your last separation, no longer physically connected to the world.

     Separation (permanent or temporary) is natural, necessary, sometimes painful.  Where we were once connected, we now have a space between ourselves and others.  An emotional connection may remain which should also be natural, necessary, and healthy.  We need to go from pain to acceptance and enjoy and develop ourselves as separate.  Everyday we are forced to separate from the past and welcome the future.  Some separations are temporary and we can say, "See you later."  Other separations are permanent and we must say, "Good-by."

Heroes

     As a nation, we honor the courageous men and women in the armed forces, police forces, and fire departments who risk their lives to save ours.  On a local level, we recognize other professionals in health care, education, and other fields who have our welfare as their goal.  We cheer our favorite athletes as they struggle against their opposition and win the game, the trophy, or the medal.  In books and movies, we witness the hero conquering the enemy and saving the day.  We also see the quiet heroes surviving obstacles and inspiring us toward a better life.
     Often our first image of a hero is the brave man rescuing the damsel in distress or the superhero fighting evil and saving the world.   We need to recognize the true heroes who come to our aid everyday, who have our best interests at heart, and sacrifice part of their lives so that we may survive, develop, and succeed.
     A hero is not just a strong, brave man who protects and defends those in need.  A hero  can be a friend or family member who helps you when you really need it.  A father is a hero to his children when he gives them love, support, and fun.  A mother is a hero when she gives her own body for nine months so we can become human beings, then loves and cares for us until we can care for ourselves.  Parents are brave and courageous as they sacrifice many years of their lives so we can have good lives.  A helpful friend can also become a hero to us.
     A hero is not only just someone who risks their life in dangerous situations, but a hero may also be someone who helps others however and whenever they can.  Appreciate the heroes in your life and find ways to be a hero.  

Unique

     No one is, has been, or ever will be exactly like you.  No one has had your same life experiences or has your same perspective.  Carefully forming your opinions and sharing them is a gift to others and yourself.
     Some people may agree with you; some may disagree.  In some instances, more will disagree than agree.  Your opinions still have value.
     Be courageous sharing your thoughts.  Continue to consider other points of view, and when necessary, change and evolve your opinions.  Risk judgment and criticism.  Don't be defeated, but try and understand.  This will only improve your thinking.
     Experts may know more about a topic than you do or have a more powerful voice, but you are unique.  Communicate, speak, write.
     Just as Mr. Rogers sang, "There's only one in this wonderful world.  You are special."

Flaunt

     Sleeveless dresses, long dyed tresses, thigh-high skirts, sky-high heels, make-up concealing or exaggerating, women flaunting sex appeal.  You won't find any man who would object to this parade of estrogen.  Young women feel this is what it takes to succeed.  Grownup women are  made to feel past their prime.
     In the days before women's lib, the female presence in the business world and on TV was almost nonexistent.  When women began to climb the corporate ladder or started to become more visible in TV broadcasting, they tried to look modest and business-like instead of like man hunters.  Sexy was saved for the beaches, dates, and husbands.
    Most men in the public eye are wearing suits and comfortable shoes.  They don't feel the need to broadcast their sexuality.  They look like authority figures who are taken seriously.  The viewers focus on their brainpower.   Women do not have to conceal their femininity, but should have confidence that a more sophisticated appearance is better than flaunting sexuality.  

Decline

     A decline can be a polite no or a downhill slope.  It can also mean a decrease in strength, vigor, and health, a weakening or degeneration of body or mind.
     In some things, we can't say yes or no; we have no choice.  As we get older, we often have to accept the fact that our body is not working the way it used to and that we may continue to go downhill.  Of course, we do what we can to prevent decline by saying no to what may damage us and saying yes to what may keep us healthy as much as possible for as long as possible.  We still may experience our own decline and witness it in others.
     A decline in physical abilities will come.  In some cases, a decline in mental abilities may also come.  Seeing someone  with beginning signs of dementia can be heartbreaking, and worrying about their future decline can be very scary.  Realizing we may be in mental decline can be frustrating, stressful, and also very scary.
     The key is to accept nature's course and try to keep a positive attitude by appreciating the half-full glass.  We have something, if not everything, until the glass is empty.
     As the sun slopes downward into the west, we realize that morning and noon are over.  Whatever darkness we are forced to experience must be accepted.  A new yet different day lies ahead.  It won't be like yesterday.  We may face even more problems, but when pessimism asks us to give up hope, we must decline.

Patriarchy

   
     In the animal and the human kingdoms, the average male is physically stronger than the female and assumes dominance.  Father rules.
     Many people believe that God revealed himself as a masculine father figure creating Adam first then Eve as his helper.  Bible passages contain laws of marriage and family which state that the male assume authority over the female who should be submissive.  The New Testament proclaimed the Son as part of the Trinity.
     Throughout history, males were usually the ones in power and so it goes today.  In recent years, women have been given the right to own property, to vote, to control their own bodies, and have equal rights with men.  Gradually, equality is coming, but patriarchy still reigns.
     Many religions still give men the authority positions by not allowing women to be priests or pastors.  Some religions still profess that husbands be the authority over their wives and families.  In the workplace and in politics, men hold more positions of power.
     When we get beyond the old-fashioned traditional roles and equality is finally complete, we will be able to halt the unjust system of patriarchy.

Prodigal

     Many of us hear this word for the first time in reference to the prodigal son who recklessly and wastefully squandered his money.  He also wasted many years living a lavish and selfish life.

     We need to analyze  our own lives to see how we may be wasting our money and time.  Even if we have more than enough money to cover our expenses, we only have a limited amount of time.

     A certain amount  goes to maintaining our bodies, our homes, and our relationships.  We pursue hobbies, entertainment, and travel.  We also may find it satisfying to help others.  Sometimes, it's OK to just sit in a comfy chair and think about the past and the future or go outdoors and enjoy nature.  We don 't want to waste this time of our lives.

Fresh

     Tasting fresh fruits and vegetables.  Smelling clean air and fresh laundry.  Seeing the  first signs of spring and fall.  Hearing good news.  Going on vacation and coming home.  Fresh experiences can renew your life.
     As you wake up from a good night's sleep, feel the fresh start of a new day.  Don't let the past sour the present.  As you expand your knowledge or consider new perspectives, refresh your thinking.  Don't let your mind grow stale.  As you read and hear negative messages,  be sure they don't pollute your opinions.  Don't block out more positive points of view.
     Stay fresh!
     

Delusions

     We all have had them: beliefs we held despite the evidence to the contrary.  Later on, we may have realized that our belief in someone or something was not deserved.  Delusion was then replaced by reality.  We may have some delusions which will remain with us for life.
     The  strongest delusions are those that can't be proven false.  We  believe what we have been taught, what satisfies our needs, and what gives us hope and comfort.  Often we are confident that our opinions are facts.  We believe others who agree with us and discount the opposition.  Some people add to our delusion because they have something to gain.
     In the political world, representatives and candidates convince us to believe that they have the solution to our problems.  They may even be deluding themselves as they delude us.  They want our vote and support.  We have to decide who to believe.
     In the business world, companies try to get us to believe that their products and services will improve our lives.  They want us to buy.  We have to decide if their claims seem true.
     In the religious world, many people believe that their texts (Torah, Bible, Koran, Book of Mormon, etc.) contain proof that God has spoken to them. They want us to adopt their beliefs to save our souls.  We have to decide what to believe and what not to believe.
     We have many ways of explaining life to ourselves.  When something cannot be proven true or false, we form opinions.  Sometimes we do have the truth; sometimes we have delusions.

Xenophobia

     While you may feel that your own country, ethnic group, culture, lifestyle, and religion are the best, be careful that you don't overdo it and become xenophobic.  A strong dislike of anyone or anything different from yourself can lead to stereotyping which can lead to prejudice, discrimination, and intolerance.
     Anytime we begin to feel superior, we give ourselves reasons to feel others are inferior.  The more foreign or strange something is to us, the more we may develop hatred and fear.  This is xenophobia.
     Many of us have lived most of our lives in predominately white neighborhoods and have had very little personal contact with blacks.  We assume most of them live in poverty and are on welfare.  We see them on the news murdering each other.  We feel safer with our own kind.
     Many of us have never personally known a homosexual.  We feel it is strange being attracted to the same sex.  Some people even consider it sinful and that same sex marriage somehow weakens the institution of marriage.
     Many of us have never known an Arab or Muslim.  They seem so foreign in what they believe and how they dress.  We see all the worldwide unrest on TV.  We fear that some may be terrorists.
     Many of us suspect new immigrants are illegal.  Some of us don't like hearing them converse in their native tongue and feel they should quickly learn English.  Some fear they may take away jobs from citizens.
     Many Christians feel that other religions, agnostics, and atheists are not right with God.  They may influence our society and politicians to go in the wrong direction.
     The world is made up of many different kinds of people.  Some may seem strange and foreign to us, but this is no reason for hate or fear.  Don't become xenophobic.

Hard Lessons

     Some lessons are learned the easy way especially when we take the advice and warnings of more experienced family members, friends, and experts.  Young people often haven't matured to the point of valuing the opinions of their elders.  Many adults become so overconfident in their behaviors and opinions that they don't recognize the wisdom of other views.  Some lessons just have to be learned from our own experiences and mistakes.
     Poor management of time, money, and anger can lead to many hard lessons.  Some personality traits like impatience, impulsiveness, and stubbornness can inhibit us from learning the easy way.   Some people through no fault of their own are forced to face very difficult and even tragic situations.
     Some hard lessons can be prevented; others may occur out of the blue.  The most important word is lessons.  Use your experiences and wisdom to improve your life.
   

Soft Skills

     With the emphasis on academics, test scores, and grade point averages, students may have an additional need to develop soft skills.   These skills include self discipline to accomplish goals and the ability to get along with and influence others.
     Young children can learn the social graces, manners, friendliness, and optimism.  Throughout childhood,  they can increase their people skills by learning effective communication, negotiation, and calmly solving problems.  As they get older, they can learn to accept and benefit from suggestions and criticism,  manage time, and handle stress.
     Children and adults need to be aware of their own needs and how to effectively reach their goals.  We all need to increase the skills of being good listeners, having empathy for others, and developing effective oral and written communication.
     We need to find time to practice dealing with each other face-to-face.  Getting along with many types of people allows us to be successful team players and influential leaders.  Make sure that your children have developed these skills before high school graduation.  Success in college and on the job will greatly increase with the use of these soft skills.

Blind Spots

     Every eye has a blind spot.  Usually we are unaware of this physical condition.  As we age, certain eye degeneration can cause a darkened spot in our central vision.  Some strokes may also limit vision. We compensate by using our stronger eye or our peripheral vision.
     We can also develop a psychological blind spot when logic and reason do not function well with a particular situation.  We can't seem to see what is obvious to others.  We see what we want to see instead of facing unpleasant facts.
     Some of us only focus on our own perspective.  We concentrate on what we already believe and seldom look at other possibilities.  Our own vision makes us blind to other points of view.
     Our physical vision has limitations.  Our emotional outlook can limit facing the facts.  Our narrowed perspective can stop us from understanding other views.  Be aware of your blind spots.

   

The Pursuit

     All US citizens have the right to pursue happiness, but the definitions of happiness will vary.  As long as our pursuit doesn't infringe upon the rights of others, we can strive toward our goals using our own beliefs and value systems.
     When we have sufficient food, clothing, housing, health, and companionship, we may feel satisfied and contented.  Even if some of these basic needs are lacking, we can choose to be happy with the way things are in our present situation.  Happiness is, after all, a state of mind.  We do have the right to pursue additional ways to increase our joy and contentment.
     As we pursue our own happiness, we need to remember that everyone else has the same right even if their beliefs and value systems are different than ours.  As long as we are within the law, no one has the right to define or limit our pursuit.
     We are not guaranteed happiness, but we have the freedom to work toward making our dreams come true.  We can improve our mindset so that our happiness does not depend on someone else or something else.  We can take on the responsibility to make ourselves happy and help those around us to do the same.
     Many people say count your blessings, recognize your good fortune, and appreciate your life.  Fight feelings of dissatisfaction, disappointment, and unhappiness.  Pursue happiness.
     What is essential for your happiness?

To the Choir

     If you are speaking or writing to members of your Christian faith, using the Bible as your primary resource is an effective tool.  You can add how your particular denomination interprets the text.  This is called preaching to the choir.  Your audience will usually agree with you.
     If you are trying to persuade the general public to agree with your opinions, you have to use a more universal appeal.  Your audience includes people of your own faith, people of other faiths, and people with no religious beliefs.  It's not just the choir hearing or reading your words.  Your "argument" will need to be based on logic and reason that most people agree upon.  You can't call women who have abortions murderers.  You can't call homosexuals sinners.  This type of character assassination will weaken any chance you have to persuade the general public.
     If your goal is just to describe your own personal opinions, use whatever methods you choose.  Consider the audience who is listening or reading.  If your goal is to persuade many types of people, leave religion out of  it.
   
     

Independence

     We appreciate the advantages of being an independent nation, no longer controlled by another country.  We realize the advantages of being an independent adult, no longer controlled by our parents.  We understand the necessity of raising our children to become independent adults.
     Independence increases our freedom and forces us to become stronger.  We learn to take care of ourselves, pay our own way, and not expect others to solve our problems or assume our responsibilities.  We  make our own decisions and take control of our lives.
     Being independent does not mean leading solitary or lonely lives.  We still need to love and be loved, to give and receive help.  Sometimes, we lose our independence because of health problems or in times of emotional or financial crisis.
     Independence is a grownup accomplishment that takes inner strength and endurance.  We should encourage it in others and continue developing it in ourselves.  Celebrate independence!

Trust

     In a democracy, citizens are guaranteed many rights and freedoms.  We are free to exercise our rights according to our conscience.  We can design our lives based on our own beliefs and opinions.  Other people may influence our thinking, but they don't have the right to control our choices.
     Some citizens wish to reduce our choices.  They believe that law should be based on their own religious and political interpretations, but all citizens have the freedom to form their own religious beliefs or have no religion at all.
     Some people only trust those who agree with their way of thinking.  They place their confidence in  members of their own religion, political party, and lifestyle.  Those outside their groups may not be trusted to make the "right" choices.  Those making the "wrong" choices need to be controlled by more restrictive laws.
     The beauty of a democracy is that we all have the freedom to exercise our rights according to our own beliefs and opinions.  We need to gain confidence that the general public can make good decisions based on their own circumstances.  We  need to trust each other.

Grit

     When you have the ambition, motivation, and perseverance to accomplish your long-term goals, you have begun to develop grit.  When obstacles or challenges present themselves and you retain your commitment and zeal, you definitely have grit.
     Some people are born with this personality trait; some may learn it from their parents.  Others may witness the advantages of this trait in other people and learn to develop it in themselves.
     First, you need to set long-term goals.  Both the young and the not-so-young will benefit by having a plan for their future.  Next, keep the goal a priority by managing your time and energy wisely, and don't allow yourself to become distracted or side-tracked.  When set-backs occur, refresh your determination and commitment.
     You can control a good deal of your future.  Don't just sit back and let it happen.  Put some grit into the process.

Stick To Your Guns

     Stand up for your rights.  Keep your convictions and beliefs.  Refuse to change your ideas even when other people criticize and  try to make you change.  Protect yourself, value your opinions, and stick to your guns.
     Too often, we are expected to put ourselves second...or third or fourth.  Some religions stress that we should give up our self and live for the benefit of others.  Self-sacrifice is promoted as the highest  form of love.  Of course, helping each other is a wonderful goal, and compromise is often the best solution.  This type of mindset, however, can often cause feelings of injustice and resentment.  These feelings are warnings that something is unbalanced.
     Looking out for number one is the first step in survival and a necessary step in developing our potential.  We can overdo pushing our pause button so that others may grow and flourish.  People may then expect us to serve and take our actions for granted.
     Having confidence in our own ideas and beliefs is a necessary step in growing up.  As we mature, we may change our minds and behavior.  Change can be difficult.  Those closest to us may become uncomfortable as we assert our updated ideas.
     Our own best interests are served by being aware of what we think and what we do.  As our opinions and goals evolve, we need to be strong and stick to our guns.
     

Rejection

     Sometimes we need to say, "No."  We may disagree or refuse to believe ideas that don't seem to ring true.  When we show rejection of  certain popular messages, we have to be brave and explain our opinions.
     Reject the idea that we are too old to change.  We can continue to learn, teach, improve, forgive, and design our future.
     Reject the idea that you should give up on someone who could benefit from your gentle persuasion.   You can continue to be a good role model, welcome communication, listen to all sides of an argument with an open mind, and minimize judgments.  Explain your feelings about a relationship.  Don't pout, be passive aggressive, or try to manipulate.  Keep connected.
     Reject the idea that science has an answer to everything.  Some people believe in miracles of the past and hope for miracles in the future.  Others put their faith in the laws of nature and scientific discovery.
     Reject the idea that our laws of the land are carved in stone.  Some laws need to be updated, some deleted, and some new laws need to be passed so that every citizen has equal rights.   Be active in your government and make your voice heard.
     Reject the idea that you can't do anything about the past: what's done is done.  How we remember and feel about the past can change.  As time passes, we may gain perspective on what happened and use our memories to improve the present and future.
     The term rejection often has a negative connotation.  We think of young people who are socially rejected and not included in their peer group.  We think of rejection letters from colleges or publishers.  These types of rejections can cause unhappiness.  Other types of rejection can be positive actions.  Rejecting ideas that don't reflect what we think is true helps us define what we do believe.

Acceptance

 

     For those situations we cannot change, we need to practice acceptance in order to reduce stress and find serenity.  By not accepting reality, we may just be putting off the inevitable.
     We cannot change the progress of getting older, but we can embrace our years of experience and the wisdom that brings.   Accepting ourselves just the way we are right now is better than idealizing the way we were or wishing for the way we want to be.
     We cannot change others unless they want to change.  The time and energy we spend judging others and wishing they were different may not be good for us or them.  Accepting others the way they are is the first step toward a healthier relationship.
     We cannot change the laws of nature.  Our world was here for many, many years before we arrived on the scene.  We learn to accept our place and hopefully leave our planet in a good condition for generations to come.  Even though some people hold unscientific beliefs about our universe, we all can appreciate our home.
     We cannot change the laws of the land without the cooperation of other citizens.  When something is deemed legal, we must accept that the majority rules.  Our democracy guarantees the rights of all.
     We cannot change the past, although we can analyze what worked and what didn't.  We can think about what we did and didn't do.  We can forgive ourselves and others.
     By facing reality, we can appreciate the way things are, accept what we cannot change, and discover peace.

Mysteries

      Many questions won't be answered in our lifetime if ever.  Many mysteries will remain so.  Sometimes, we feel uncomfortable living with the unknown and will form opinions which may or may not be true.
     Children feel more comfortable when their loving parents see to their needs, answer their questions, and plan their happily-ever-afters.  Adults learn that they must provide for themselves, find their own answers, plan for the future, and handle whatever circumstances come their way.  Good and bad happen to everyone although some people seem more fortunate while others have very hard lives.

     Circumstances have causes but are not part of some master plan as some people wish to believe.  Part of being a grownup is to realize we can't know some things for sure.  People all over the world in various cultures and religions attempt to search for the answers and solve the mysteries.  One of the best solutions is to realize, "I don't know, and I can live with that."

Does thinking make it so?

     Many factors lead us to think the way we do.  From birth, our parents and families have instilled certain beliefs in us.  Our friends and associates add to our thinking.  Our education and life experiences also teach us many lessons.  We refine our beliefs by listening, talking, reading, and writing.  Comfort and confidence come when we feel that we have the truth and that our opinions are correct.
    Our thinking is also influenced by another important factor: the messages we send ourselves throughout the day and throughout our lives.  Often our mind is made up.  We may close our minds and block out messages that are different from ours.  We need to be careful that we don't become a victim of brainwashing.  Thinking that something is true doesn't make it so.

Impossible Dreams

 
     Hopes and dreams are part of planning our future, part of discovery, and part of creativity.  We begin as children answering questions like "What do you want for Christmas?" or "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  We hope that our dreams come true.
     Dreams may just be wishful thinking, but we need to have some idea of the probability of them happening.  We also need to realize what it may take to make them come true.  Even if we do our part, some dreams will not come true because of happenings beyond our control or because they no longer serve our purposes in life.  At that point, better to imagine a revised version of our future.
     Revising our dreams requires us to be logical.  Putting all our eggs in one basket can be very risky.  Hoping for some magical solution to ease our loneliness, calm our fears, and solve our problems can also be risky.  Better to look toward a reachable star, than to hold on to an impossible dream.

What's Not To Hate

     Love should guide us all and help us appreciate the good: family, friends, survival, democracy, justice, peace, and the list goes on.  Being aware of the good things in life can help us withstand the not-so-good.
     Love can conquer hatred.  We can open our minds and hearts in order to honor the rights of all, consider different points of view, and compromise when advisable.  Every member of the human race needs understanding.  Giving and forgiving can be our gifts to others.
     When love starts to fade, we need to take the responsibility to feel and show love to all, even to those who aren't so easy to love.  We have all heard the advice to love our enemies.  Try to shorten the list of things and people you dislike.  Love and be lovable.

Hatred

      No one likes to believe they can feel hatred.  It's easier to describe the emotion as dislike.  Hatred almost seems evil.
     Obviously, some situations deserve to be hated: cruelty, suffering, injustice, terrorism, war, and the list goes on.  Hopefully, this type of hatred will spur us toward action to help eradicate these unfortunate conditions.
     Not so obvious are types of hatred stemming from ignorance and prejudice. When we get overly confident in our own opinions and close our minds to other points of view, our judgement can be distorted.  We may only believe those who agree with us.  We can be manipulated to increase our hatred. Some people delight when fuel is added to the fire.  Pleasure is felt when the "enemy" is demonized.
     Realize that disagreements don't have to lead to hating the opposition.  When you feel hatred coming on, you may be approaching mob mentality.  Don't need to hear their side.  String 'em up!

Patina

   

      When certain metals and wooden furniture are exposed to the elements over the years, a patina develops which changes the color and the surface.  Old objects are  considered more beautiful and valuable when this natural sign of aging is kept intact.
      Often, people put more value on the new, the unblemished, without a sign of wear and tear.  We like to see the present, the latest technology, the newest fashion.  Something old has to be really special or have some sentimental value in order to sustain our attention.
     Often, people put more value on the look of youth.  As we age, our skin withstands the elements.  Our smiles, frowns, and worries etch in our faces and wrinkles develop.  This is proof that we have survived many years.  Many people wish to hide or erase this history.  Instead of seeing this natural aging process as a negative, we should honor our own patina.

Heartache

     When we see a loved one go through physical or emotional pain, our love and empathy for them can cause heartache.  As we witness others suffer, we also hope to witness their recovery.  As we witness death and loss, we have to find a way to go on.
     Sometimes we begin to think we could have done something to prevent their pain or start to imagine the what ifs.  This wishful thinking only delays the time we crash back to reality.
     Sometimes our loved ones will keep their own pain secret so as not to cause us heartache, but sharing sorrow can help the healing process and strengthen the relationship.
     The older we get, the more we witness the pain felt by others.  Hopefully, our accumulated experiences can help us learn to handle the pain and  increase our understanding of others and ourselves.   By helping each other through hard times, we will not have to face heartache alone.

Carrots

     An old proverb asks, "How do you lead a horse to water?" then answers, "With lots of carrots."  Animals and people often need an incentive or hope of a reward as an encouragement toward action. Even though our actions themselves may be rewarding, a pleasant bonus at the end provides an additional inducement.  When we have to give an extra effort or even endure unpleasantness, keeping our eye on the prize helps us persevere.
     Parents, teachers, and employers often plan incentives to learn and do a good job.  Bonus points and cash back programs are used by merchants and credit card companies.  Many religions promote the ultimate reward of eternal life.  What greater incentive is that!
     Lots of carrots are dangled in front of us.  Some are designed to help us; others are designed to manipulate or control our behavior.  Sometimes, we need to design our own carrots to give us incentive and  reward for accomplishing goals.

Dependence

     In many situations, dependence is necessary for survival.  Babies and children must depend on adults for physical and psychological development.  Many elderly also become dependent when they can no longer take care of themselves.  Throughout our lives, we may have to depend on others or help others who depend on us.
     As we grow towards independence, we take on the responsibilities and privileges of adulthood.  We learn to give up the carefree comforts of childhood and gain freedom, self-reliance, and control of our lives.  We still help each other, but we shouldn't expect others to support us when we should be up on our own two feet.  We shouldn't enable others to lean on us when they should strengthen their own survival skills.
     Our government, which is a beacon of independence, often puts itself in a role of enabling dependence.  When citizens can't take care of themselves, they often become dependent on various programs that provide food, housing, and etc.  These programs should give only temporary aid while encouraging these citizens toward independence.  Our government often acts as big brother around the world by aiding and supporting weaker countries.  We should be careful with this role, making sure decisions are wise, safe, and lead to democracy and independence.
     Many religions encourage believers to rely on a higher power to help solve their problems.  This heavenly parent provides all that is good.  Being dependent is part of the faith.  Believers appreciate the heavenly help and are encouraged to help others.
     No one is totally independent.  At times, we all need to rely on the help of someone or something.  We do, however, need to rely on ourselves as much as possible, instead of increasing our dependence.



   

Passion

     I remember when the word passion referred to a strong amorous feeling.  A person who was passionate loved to be in love and make love.
     The word passion originally included suffering as in the Passion of Christ, the final period in the life of Jesus leading to his crucifixion and death.  He had a pure love for all.  Often people suffer when they are denied their hearts desire.
     Today the word passion can refer to any strong interest or desire to participate in favorite activities and hobbies.  Oprah and other pop psychologists popularized using the term to define your most loved activity or occupation which gives your life meaning.  Many believe this includes finding and developing your purpose in life and thereby serving God and mankind.
     Words change meaning over the years.  More definitions can be added.  I have a strong liking for many activities, but I can't say I feel a passion for an occupation or hobby.   Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I cling to the definition of passion as the strong amorous love between two people.
   

Rights and Privileges

     Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and living safely are rights we all share in the USA; however, there is a distinction between rights and privileges.
     Once we are born, we have the right to life.  We have the right to public education until we graduate from high school.  We should be treated equally regardless of gender, sexual orientation, and race.  We should have the right to essential health care even if we can't afford it.  All citizens can contribute to insurance premiums that will cover the expenses of the group.  We should have the reproductive right to control our bodies and choose when to have children.  These are rights not privileges.
     Privileges go beyond basic rights.  Privileges are something we earn or pay for.  For example, public education is a right for every child.  Private and parochial education is a privilege that should not be freely given through vouchers.  Parents who can afford to pay for non-public education can choose to use it for their children.
     Citizens often differ on what is a right and what is a privilege.  Governments need to protect our rights, not pay for privileges.

Spectators

     Observation is a necessary step in learning.  We view the world around us, listen to others, and read various topics which enable us to do many activities or create something new.
     Observation is often a form of entertainment.  We watch TV and movies and go on the internet.  We cheer on our favorite teams, listen to music, read books, and give attention to others voicing their opinions.
      Perhaps we need to spend less time being spectators so we have more time to be active participants.  Instead of being a part of the audience, we should join the action on the stage.  Instead of being an on-looker, we should join the parade or march to our own drummer.  Instead of just listening, we should make our own music and speak our mind.  Instead of just reading, we should write.  

Truth or Dare

    

     In this game, a choice has to be made  between answering a question truthfully, perhaps revealing a secret, or performing an action out of your comfort zone.  Some secrets we will never reveal, and some actions we will refuse to do.
     In the game of life, we need to decide what is true and what we want to reveal.  We also need to decide when to remain comfortable and when to be brave and take chances.  Time, experience, and maturity will help us discover our truth, who we are, and what we believe.  We may go through periods of discomfort as our thinking evolves and in some cases, we change our opinions.  Some of our truths will remain secret; some we will share with others.
     Dare to find your truth.

Miss You

     When loved ones leave our lives permanently or temporarily, our memories keep them in our hearts.  As we experience the death of parents, spouses, and others close to us, some of us hope for a reconciliation in heaven.  Those without this hope must adjust to the final good-by.
     Sometimes, we miss people the way they were.  All mothers miss their babies and little children as they become adults.  We miss our family unit as children go off to college, get married, and move away from home.  As our older relatives decline and show signs of dementia, we miss their former selves.  As we get older, we often miss our own younger version.
     Do you ever wonder what people miss when they are away from you?  Perhaps your warmth, hugs, and love, your unique personality, your other qualities they admire and enjoy.  Do you ever wonder how you will be remembered and missed when you leave this earth?  This could be an incentive to become a better you, to improve your relationships, and to make good memories for those you leave behind.

Maturing

     We are physically mature when our bodies achieve adult form and function.  We are then able to reproduce and create new life which begins its journey toward maturity.
     We also need emotional and social maturity which enable us to be responsible and accountable within our families and communities.  We often tell our teenagers that privileges come with being trustworthy and responsible.
     As adults increase in maturity, societies will continue to mature.  Cooperation, democracy, equal rights, tolerance, and justice will prevail.  America has evolving standards of decency that mark the progress of a maturing society; however, we will not reach our highest potential until all adults contribute their part, become accountable, and reach emotional and social maturity.

Keeping Up

     No matter what the pace of our lives, we all try in many ways to keep up.  On the job, at home, and with friends and family, we face the challenges of  keeping up with our responsibilities.
     By keeping up with housekeeping, organizing our finances, and completing other chores, we can actually simplify our lives and enjoy more free time.
     By keeping up with our health, nutrition, and exercise, we can use it instead of lose it.  Listening to our body and having annual check ups keep us up to date on our physical condition.
     By keeping up with friends and family, we get to know each other better and are able to help and support one another.  We discover things we have in common with every generation.
     By keeping up with current events and technology, we expand our place in the world.  We can increase our knowledge and perspectives.
     By keeping up with fresh ideas, we can avoid becoming stale.  Holding on to traditions without occasional evaluation can cause us to live in the past instead of finding our place in the present and future.
     As we try keeping up with the many aspects of life, we also need to keep our spirits up, keep our emotions and attitudes on the sunny side instead of living under a cloud.  Keeping up does take a lot of energy and effort, but the payoff will be having a fuller and more satisfying life.
      Could you share some helpful hints about keeping up?
   
   
       

Diverse

     Being of a different kind or dissimilar to the standard puts many into the diverse group.  Today we often think these diverse groups are different than the standard white male, be it female, homosexual, or dark skinned.  And in the US it also includes those who don't have English as their native tongue.  We may wonder why the white male is considered the standard.
     The average male is physically stronger than the female and was better equipped to hunt tiger.  He was never encumbered with pregnancy.  He could easily dominate the female, but he needed her for reproduction, suckling the progeny, plus any other duties he wanted to relegate to her.  At times, he also needed to show dominance to other males to protect what was his.  Thus began his feeling of superiority which may remain in the male DNA today.
     As families began to move from home to other areas of the world, they ran across other races.  Often feeling that their race was still superior, the relationship with the "other" began which caused everything between war and assimilation.  In the US, the white race seems to have more power, authority, and wealth than other races. Perhaps subconsciously or from prejudice, many feel the white race is superior.
     Many religions often identify God as a father who created the male first with the female added as number two in many respects.  In the Bible and in history books, male accomplishments have been recorded.  In a few instances, a female story is mentioned.  The new testament continues to relate the lifetime of the Son.  Also in many religions, the male figure is the leader and the priest or pastor.  Here again the male has increased status.
      Many influences have  promoted the white male as the standard and that those who are different are considered the diverse element.  Many men have difficulty giving up this status.  The Republican party is beginning to realize that their survival depends on at least having a more diverse image.  The good old boys' clubs are in decline.  We no longer need to believe that the white male is the standard and the rest of us are diverse elements.   

Should the Bible have the final say?

     Many people believe the Bible is the word of God, holds the absolute truth, and is the utmost guide of human behavior.  Many also claim that their particular religion has the best interpretation.  Some believe in creationism, that everything was created 5000 years ago and took seven days to complete.  They claim the Bible disproves evolution  and considers homosexuality and abortion as sin.
     Each citizen has the right to use the Bible as their own source of truth.  They also have the right to raise their children with this faith.  When the children become adults, they have the right to agree or disagree.  Citizens do not , however, have the right to expect public schools or local and federal government to base laws on any one religion.  Each religion can persuade lawmakers to see their point of view,  but they can't demand that their religion have preferential influence.
     Is the Bible the final authority in your life?
     Should it be the final authority in making policy and law?

Expectations

     You don't always get what you expect.  When future events don't go as planned, some aspects are beyond every one's control.  Rain may fall on any one's parade.  We have to be flexible and enjoy the way things are instead of the way we had wanted them to be.
     When other people don't behave the way we expect, we need to realize that we may have unfairly expected them to satisfy our wants.  We can't expect everyone around us to do what we want them to.
     We may need to distinguish between our needs and our wants.  We all have certain basic needs that need to be satisfied, but not all of our wants are essential.  If our list of wants is unrealistic, we may be creating a situation that can't live up to our expectations.
     In some cases, we need to make our expectations known beforehand so others can better understand us, but we need to be fair and realistic.  Afterwards, messages of appreciation will benefit everyone.  When we feel the need to send messages of disappointment, we need to be sure they don't seem petty and become counterproductive.  Appreciate the half-full glass instead of demanding an overflow.

Coming of Age

     As young people go through the transition from childhood to adulthood, they develop the ability to understand the laws and traditions of their religion and society.  They are then granted the rights, responsibilities, and privileges of church and state.  Another coming of age can occur when adults increase their ability to evaluate the established laws and traditions.  They may decide to agree or disagree with, change, or eliminate some of the rules and customs from their own lives as long as the rights of others are not infringed upon.
     Just as adolescents have to struggle sometimes to finally come of age, adults also may struggle to form their own way.  Difficulties may arise with family and friends when a person begins to break away from what they have done in the past.  Some loved ones will not understand what is going on and become uncomfortable with the changes.
      Our ancestors were people just like us who tried to improve civilization by setting certain standards of behavior that would benefit everyone.  They also made mistakes just as we do.  Every generation keeps some of the laws and traditions while altering or eliminating others.  Every individual has the freedom, responsibility, and privilege of  deciding what is best for themselves.
     Transitions from childhood to adulthood, from parenthood to the empty nest, from careers to retirement, all require us to evolve to the next stage of life.  We experience a coming of age all throughout our lives.
   
       

 

Why fb?

     Experts seem to believe that people use facebook for two main reasons: 1) the need to belong, and 2) the need for self-presentation.  Belonging to a group can help reduce loneliness and isolation.  We can get to know each other through pictures and words.
     We can observe how we are alike and how we are different, how we agree and disagree, what we value and what we believe.  We can share the serious and the humorous, our pride and joys, plus ask for and give advice.  As a group, we can help each other.
     Facebook is a place to describe ourselves, our history, our current events, and our hopes for the future.  Through frequent up-dates, we enable our fb friends to become part of our daily lives.  Some of  our friends and relatives seldom are with us in person, but fb can provide a fast and stamp-free method of communicating.
     This may sound like a commercial for the social media, but I am a true fan.  Keeping in touch with classmates, friends both near and far, and extended family is as easy as going to facebook and view the latest pictures and read the posts. 

Prevention and Cure

     Immunizations, vaccinations, flu shots, vitamin pills, a clean environment, good nutrition and exercise, all can help prevent a certain amount of physical problems.  Even with all these methods of prevention,  we can still come down with disease.  Then, we have to discover methods to improve or cure the problem through meds that control bodily functions like blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetes, plus antibiotics, surgery, rehab, and special diet.
     This process can also be used with other challenges.  If we can develop positive behavior patterns that are beneficial to ourselves and others, we may prevent many negative situations.  Once problems occur, we have to discover a way to improve or cure the situation.  We can work out a plan ourselves or get professional counseling when necessary.

     Within our body, our mind, and our behavior patterns, prevention is much easier than trying to find a cure later on.          

Soul Food

     Many years ago, African slaves as well as many other poor people made do with cuts of meat unwanted by the rich and also used fish and wild game nearby.  They added rice, corn meal, and vegetables from the garden to create recipes handed down through generations.  These foods nourished the body and warmed the soul and are now called Soul Food.
     The tastes and memories of family help satisfy the deeper needs that exist in all of us; however, food is not the only way we feed the soul.  Some people use religion, worship services, sermons, Bible study, and prayer.  They believe their soul is connected to God and will reside with Him throughout eternity.  Other people use meditation, nature, music, art, and other inspirational sources to feed that essence of their being that elevates them above the rest of the animal kingdom.
     Just like long ago, we often have to make do with whatever is at hand to create nourishment for body and soul.  No matter what our ethnic backgrounds or family traditions,  we all need our own special types of Soul Food.
     What foods do you enjoy that have been handed down in your family?
     What other ways do you use to feed your soul?