Mysteries

      Many questions won't be answered in our lifetime if ever.  Many mysteries will remain so.  Sometimes, we feel uncomfortable living with the unknown and will form opinions which may or may not be true.
     Children feel more comfortable when their loving parents see to their needs, answer their questions, and plan their happily-ever-afters.  Adults learn that they must provide for themselves, find their own answers, plan for the future, and handle whatever circumstances come their way.  Good and bad happen to everyone although some people seem more fortunate while others have very hard lives.

     Circumstances have causes but are not part of some master plan as some people wish to believe.  Part of being a grownup is to realize we can't know some things for sure.  People all over the world in various cultures and religions attempt to search for the answers and solve the mysteries.  One of the best solutions is to realize, "I don't know, and I can live with that."

Does thinking make it so?

     Many factors lead us to think the way we do.  From birth, our parents and families have instilled certain beliefs in us.  Our friends and associates add to our thinking.  Our education and life experiences also teach us many lessons.  We refine our beliefs by listening, talking, reading, and writing.  Comfort and confidence come when we feel that we have the truth and that our opinions are correct.
    Our thinking is also influenced by another important factor: the messages we send ourselves throughout the day and throughout our lives.  Often our mind is made up.  We may close our minds and block out messages that are different from ours.  We need to be careful that we don't become a victim of brainwashing.  Thinking that something is true doesn't make it so.

Impossible Dreams

 
     Hopes and dreams are part of planning our future, part of discovery, and part of creativity.  We begin as children answering questions like "What do you want for Christmas?" or "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  We hope that our dreams come true.
     Dreams may just be wishful thinking, but we need to have some idea of the probability of them happening.  We also need to realize what it may take to make them come true.  Even if we do our part, some dreams will not come true because of happenings beyond our control or because they no longer serve our purposes in life.  At that point, better to imagine a revised version of our future.
     Revising our dreams requires us to be logical.  Putting all our eggs in one basket can be very risky.  Hoping for some magical solution to ease our loneliness, calm our fears, and solve our problems can also be risky.  Better to look toward a reachable star, than to hold on to an impossible dream.

What's Not To Hate

     Love should guide us all and help us appreciate the good: family, friends, survival, democracy, justice, peace, and the list goes on.  Being aware of the good things in life can help us withstand the not-so-good.
     Love can conquer hatred.  We can open our minds and hearts in order to honor the rights of all, consider different points of view, and compromise when advisable.  Every member of the human race needs understanding.  Giving and forgiving can be our gifts to others.
     When love starts to fade, we need to take the responsibility to feel and show love to all, even to those who aren't so easy to love.  We have all heard the advice to love our enemies.  Try to shorten the list of things and people you dislike.  Love and be lovable.

Hatred

      No one likes to believe they can feel hatred.  It's easier to describe the emotion as dislike.  Hatred almost seems evil.
     Obviously, some situations deserve to be hated: cruelty, suffering, injustice, terrorism, war, and the list goes on.  Hopefully, this type of hatred will spur us toward action to help eradicate these unfortunate conditions.
     Not so obvious are types of hatred stemming from ignorance and prejudice. When we get overly confident in our own opinions and close our minds to other points of view, our judgement can be distorted.  We may only believe those who agree with us.  We can be manipulated to increase our hatred. Some people delight when fuel is added to the fire.  Pleasure is felt when the "enemy" is demonized.
     Realize that disagreements don't have to lead to hating the opposition.  When you feel hatred coming on, you may be approaching mob mentality.  Don't need to hear their side.  String 'em up!

Patina

   

      When certain metals and wooden furniture are exposed to the elements over the years, a patina develops which changes the color and the surface.  Old objects are  considered more beautiful and valuable when this natural sign of aging is kept intact.
      Often, people put more value on the new, the unblemished, without a sign of wear and tear.  We like to see the present, the latest technology, the newest fashion.  Something old has to be really special or have some sentimental value in order to sustain our attention.
     Often, people put more value on the look of youth.  As we age, our skin withstands the elements.  Our smiles, frowns, and worries etch in our faces and wrinkles develop.  This is proof that we have survived many years.  Many people wish to hide or erase this history.  Instead of seeing this natural aging process as a negative, we should honor our own patina.

Heartache

     When we see a loved one go through physical or emotional pain, our love and empathy for them can cause heartache.  As we witness others suffer, we also hope to witness their recovery.  As we witness death and loss, we have to find a way to go on.
     Sometimes we begin to think we could have done something to prevent their pain or start to imagine the what ifs.  This wishful thinking only delays the time we crash back to reality.
     Sometimes our loved ones will keep their own pain secret so as not to cause us heartache, but sharing sorrow can help the healing process and strengthen the relationship.
     The older we get, the more we witness the pain felt by others.  Hopefully, our accumulated experiences can help us learn to handle the pain and  increase our understanding of others and ourselves.   By helping each other through hard times, we will not have to face heartache alone.

Carrots

     An old proverb asks, "How do you lead a horse to water?" then answers, "With lots of carrots."  Animals and people often need an incentive or hope of a reward as an encouragement toward action. Even though our actions themselves may be rewarding, a pleasant bonus at the end provides an additional inducement.  When we have to give an extra effort or even endure unpleasantness, keeping our eye on the prize helps us persevere.
     Parents, teachers, and employers often plan incentives to learn and do a good job.  Bonus points and cash back programs are used by merchants and credit card companies.  Many religions promote the ultimate reward of eternal life.  What greater incentive is that!
     Lots of carrots are dangled in front of us.  Some are designed to help us; others are designed to manipulate or control our behavior.  Sometimes, we need to design our own carrots to give us incentive and  reward for accomplishing goals.

Dependence

     In many situations, dependence is necessary for survival.  Babies and children must depend on adults for physical and psychological development.  Many elderly also become dependent when they can no longer take care of themselves.  Throughout our lives, we may have to depend on others or help others who depend on us.
     As we grow towards independence, we take on the responsibilities and privileges of adulthood.  We learn to give up the carefree comforts of childhood and gain freedom, self-reliance, and control of our lives.  We still help each other, but we shouldn't expect others to support us when we should be up on our own two feet.  We shouldn't enable others to lean on us when they should strengthen their own survival skills.
     Our government, which is a beacon of independence, often puts itself in a role of enabling dependence.  When citizens can't take care of themselves, they often become dependent on various programs that provide food, housing, and etc.  These programs should give only temporary aid while encouraging these citizens toward independence.  Our government often acts as big brother around the world by aiding and supporting weaker countries.  We should be careful with this role, making sure decisions are wise, safe, and lead to democracy and independence.
     Many religions encourage believers to rely on a higher power to help solve their problems.  This heavenly parent provides all that is good.  Being dependent is part of the faith.  Believers appreciate the heavenly help and are encouraged to help others.
     No one is totally independent.  At times, we all need to rely on the help of someone or something.  We do, however, need to rely on ourselves as much as possible, instead of increasing our dependence.