The Handmaid's Tale

   
      In the dystopian society of Gilead, a handmaid wrote down her tale.  The country has been damaged by air, water, and land pollution which caused many of the citizens to to be infertile.  Young fertile women were conscripted to conceive and bear children for the elite upperclass.  The handmaid attire was red, the color of blood, and white wings were on their head piece which limited their vision.
     Commander Frederick Waterford and his wife Serena Joy used Handmaid Offred to try to produce a baby. Before she resided with the Waterfords, she was a young mother named June who was caring for her daughter. That life was abruptly taken from her.  The handmaids "are containers, it's only the insides of our bodies that are important."  We are "two-legged wombs, that's all: sacred vessels."  And so the tale continues.
     Scriptural passages are used to promote the cause, to give credence to the oppressive and unjust treatment of the handmaids. Author Margaret Atwood has said that nothing went into this novel "that had not happened in real life somewhere at sometime."  This story can shed light on past and present issues, and give warning of what could possibly happen in our future.

Big Little Lies

     "Big Little Lies" include the ones people tell themselves and the ones they tell others.  Omissions and commissions, secrets kept, and falsehoods spread, all stray from the truth.   Celeste and Perry, Madeline and Ed, and single mom Jane seem to be living happy normal lives as parents of students at Perriwee Public School, "where we live and learn by the sea."
     As the women meet each other, they are the image of successful moms, but as they get to know each other, a more honest picture is revealed.  Celeste wants to leave her husband but pretends all is well.  Madeline is trying to adjust to sharing her daughter with her first husband Nathan and his young wife.   Jane is raising her son alone keeping the identity of his father to herself.  Both adults and children are keeping secrets and living with the consequences.
      Some lies were to protect someone, some were misunderstandings, yet some were malicious gossip.  Celeste finally realizes "all the perfect little lies" she'd told herself needed to be shared, "to say the bare ugly truth, to hold nothing back."
     Their lives are not as sweet as first portrayed.  Eventually, the lies are shattered, and the healing begins.

The Forgotten Garden

     An epic story of many generations residing in England and Australia is told primarily through the eyes of Nell, her granddaughter Cassandra, and Eliza, the Authoress.  As each generation tries to uncover family secrets, they discover old scrapbooks, notebooks, and a book of illustrated Fairy Tales.  These sources contain "the joys and traumas of forgotten lives."  Many characters also share their memories of  the past.

    Author Kate Morton reveals how Authoress Eliza used "bits of her own life by turning them into fiction."  People and events were inspiration for the fairy tales which later provided answers to many family questions.  Early on, an English garden and cottage were enjoyed by some of the characters but later is walled up and becomes overgrown.  After many years, the long-forgotten garden finally reveals its secrets. 

              

     

Instructions

    Instructions can be helpful, illustrating how various parts go together to complete a project, but sometimes we wish to skip the advice and rely on our own talent and experience.  With enough experience and confidence, trial and error, and persistence, the project may be completed without someone else's guidance.
     Many forms of instructions are provided to aid us in completing projects.  Personal instructions come from parents, teachers, and experts.  We in turn may become the parent, teacher, or expert.  Written instructions come in many forms: assembly directions, how-to manuals, books on improving our lives, and religious texts.  We have the internet at our fingertips.  We can also teach ourselves from observations and practice.
     Many instructions are obviously helpful and even necessary.  As we mature, however, we can better distinguish which instructions retain their value and which are faulty, need amending, or should be deleted.
     Our life is the biggest project, as we put together the many parts.  We need to evaluate the guidance offered by other people and other sources of information.  We can create our own instructions.
 
   

Who are you?

   
     From being a part of a group to specific unique details, we have many ways to describe ourselves.  We are mammals, primates, human beings, part of our family tree, born with an ethnicity, gender, and DNA, with a name, birthdate, birthplace, and given a social security number in the US.  Part of who we are involves relationships: parent, sibling, friend, and so on.  Other words describe how we spend our time: occupation, sports participant or fan, hobby, volunteer, etc.  We may include our philosophies: religious affiliation, political party, values, opinions.  We also may describe our personality, talents, and skills.  Some descriptions are directed toward a particular goal: college application, job interview, medical records, or impressing a particular person.
     When getting acquainted or developing a friendship, we reveal who we are and learn who they are.  Sometimes, we reveal our problems and seek advice from each other.
     Some parts of who we are cannot or will not change.  Outside influences beyond our control may change part of who we are.  If we have the desire to change some things about ourselves, we can set goals and try.
     Sometimes, other people try to define or label us.  Their opinions may be valid and helpful or distorted and harmful.  We need to have confidence in our own description.  Remember the wise words from Dr. Seuss.  
   

A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW

     In 1922 at age 33, Count Alexander Rostov is sentenced to house arrest in the Metropol Hotel in Moscow.  He resides there for 30 years believing "if a man does not master his circumstances, then he is bound to be mastered by them."  As an educated aristocrat, he uses his wit and charm, befriends employees and residents, and learns to survive within the hotel.  Throughout his life, Rostov learns that "every period has its virtues, even a time of turmoil."
     He experiences love from being a father to his adopted daughter and from a romance with Anna, a willowy movie actress.  His longtime friend Mishka was loyal from college days to the end.  Young Sofia said the Count was "a man inclined to see the best in all of us."
     Author Amor Towles shows us Russian history and how people suffer, adapt, and survive.  Hope and determination leads many of them to find contentment and happiness.  "A Gentleman in Moscow" is captivating.

What are we entitled to?

     Children and adults have the right to be protected from harm: pollution, global warming, abuse, and crime.  Sufficient clothing and shelter are necessities.  We need public education and proper health care and nutrition.  We need to be treated fairly with equal rights upheld by our government.  Having self respect and treating others with respect are requirements for good relationships.  Freedom of speech should be guaranteed for all.
     Every human being is entitled to these things.  When individuals are unable to provide these necessities for themselves, our society and government become responsible.  Of course, our first responsibility is to provide these things for ourselves and our families, but as a part of our society, our community, our country, and the world, we need to extend our concern and empathy toward helping others.
     Some children and even adults feel they are entitled to an overabundance of attention and possessions.  They want what they want when they want it.  They get used to having more than enough, often not appreciating the basics.  They may also become so self-centered that they don't develop empathy or realize the part they should play in their families and in their world.
    What are we entitled to?
       

   
     

Digging in Your Heels

  

     Or picture a stubborn horse digging in its heels, not wanting to budge.  Or people so sure of themselves they don't want to hear or do anything different.

     Sometimes being stubborn is a good thing.  If you have thought a certain way or done things the same way for a long time, you have made up your mind, and perhaps your ideas are right.  However, you might want to think about the reasons you believe the way you do and be ready to explain your stance to others.   

     Allowing a new idea to be considered may involve realizing the old ideas could be improved.  Easier to keep thinking and doing the same old same old.  But trying to understand other opinions helps us understand other people.  We may or may not change our minds.

     If we simply dig in our heels, we may get stuck and never proceed forward.  

                                                                                                                                     

              

LEARN

   

     Throughout our lifetime, we learn first from our family and then from everyone else who influences our thinking.  As our brain develops, we gain the ability to think for ourselves.  As we mature, we can better analyze the facts and opinions instilled in us as children, sometimes holding fast to what we have been taught, sometimes questioning, altering, or even deleting past concepts.  Fortunate are those who have been encouraged to think for themselves.  Congratulations to those parents and teachers who have fostered this ability.
     We are constantly bombarded with ideas and opinions.  Some sources of information are not trustworthy.  Often, we are manipulated to accept the opinions of others, to even turn off our logic instead of trying to seek the truth.  Frequently, manipulators appeal to our emotions and basic instincts in order to align our thinking with theirs.   Perhaps they do this with our best interests at heart.  Sometimes, they have their own best interests at the forefront.
      All of us are manipulators at times.  When we feel we have knowledge and truth, we may wish others to accept our ideas without question.  Parents prefer their children to agree with their opinions.  Advertisers promote their products to make a profit.  Politicians solicit our support and our vote.  Religious organizations want to explain the supernatural and keep us in the fold.  Many of these influencers believe they are doing this for our own good.  Responsible parents want their children to learn right from wrong.  Many products and services are necessary and can improve our lives.  Good politicians are essential to uphold the law and our democracy.  Religious organizations desire to save our souls and insure our afterlife in heaven.
     Our responsibility then is to learn whatever we can to help our thinking mature, to distinguish between fact and opinion.  We also should be aware of how we present our own opinions to others.  We need to teach ourselves and others not just what to think, but how to learn.

    




   
   

The Chaperone

 

      In 1922 New York City, Cora was the chaperone of Louise, a teenager from Kansas determined to become a star.  Two different generations with two different outlooks on life concerning outward appearances, behavior, and ambition.  "Maybe the old rules were changing."  Maybe Cora "was falling behind the times, as provincial and outmoded in her thinking as in her dress."  But on the other hand, the young "can drag you, as you protest and scold and try to pull away, right up to the window of the future, and even push you through."  Later on Cora realized: "She'd lived too much of her life so stupidly, following nonsensical rules, as if she...as if anyone, had all the time in the world."  After that life-changing summer, Cora went back to Kansas and Louise was off to Hollywood.

     Author  Laura Moriarty shows us the 20th century, the many historical events that affected Cora, Louise, and those around them.  They both lived long lives. "Louise had just been more open about it, not bothering to hide or deceive."   Cora kept secrets mostly to protect those involved from harsh judgments.  She realized "how much her life's ease and happiness had been granted by chance." 

   

Celebrity

   

     Well-known, influential, admired: these qualities create a celebrity.  Physical appearance, talent, wealth, and power add to the star status.  Often we become aware of famous people from the media.  Seldom do we recognize those stars closest to us, those we know the best who are the greatest influence in our lives and deserve our admiration the most.

     Wishing we could be a star who has millions of fans or wanting to just have their perfectly shaped bodies, beautiful hair and clothes, this is a dream the media implants in our minds.  This image is often greatly exaggerated, even fake.  We need to appreciate how we are beautiful unique stars with talents to contribute to the world.

     We can be entertained by celebrities, watch their TV shows and movies, listen to their music, yet realize we must not idolize them.  Some politicians use their celebrity to gain our support and our vote.  We may be impressed by how celebrities promote themselves, their opinions and products, yet recognize what the celebrity really stands for and the limits that should be placed on their influence.

     Some celebrities gain more power than they deserve while many deserving individuals never receive the star treatment.  Appreciate all the stars around you and let your own star shine.      

         

     

Base(n.) Base(adj.)

     Base(n.) is the lowest level usually supporting an upper level.  Some leaders form, manipulate, and arouse their base to gain and maintain power.  Often this base remains loyal without logic or moral consideration.  They keep the leader on a pedestal, disallowing questions or criticism.
     Base(adj.) means low-minded, selfish, without moral principle.  If you are part of a base, make sure you are supporting someone who is deserving, who goes beyond serving just your interests.  The best leader welcomes constructive criticism and is considerate of the entire group.
     Beware.  Some bases are base.

Robicheaux

     James Lee Burke gives us Dave Robicheaux, a seasoned detective in southern Louisiana, who appreciates the beauty of the swamps and bayous, shows love and loyalty to his friends, family, and co-workers while dealing with his troubled past.  As he investigates crimes, he sees all sorts of characters, the good and the bad, the troubled and the criminal.  His best friend of many years Clete  Purcel assists in tracking down the evil criminals.

The Moment of Lift

     Melinda Gates has traveled the world focusing on the problems and solutions of poverty.  By talking to people in the poorest areas, contacting organizations already working on these problems, and supporting even more ways to help, she has become an expert on lifting people up and improving their situations.
     Her biggest discovery is how empowering women changes the world.  She states, "When you lift up women, you lift up humanity."  "Sometimes all that's needed to lift women up is to stop pulling them down."  Equal rights are "still often denied by cultural bias against women."
     She continues, "Being a feminist means believing that every woman should be able to use her voice and pursue her potential, and that women and men should all work together to take down the barriers and end the biases that still hold women back."
     By receiving vaccines, contraception, maternal and newborn care, and education, women, their children and their society can be lifted out of poverty.  "When the women were able to time and space their pregnancies, they were more likely to advance their education, earn an income, raise healthy children, and have the time and money to give each child the food, care, and education needed to thrive.  When children reach their potential, they don't end up poor.  This is how families and countries get out of poverty."
     All the countries around the world including the U.S. need to assure women have equal rights.  Melinda Gates states, "It's the mark of a backward society - or a society moving backward - when decisions are made for women by men.That's what's happening right now in the U.S." "If a girl can lift up her view of herself, she can start to change the culture that keeps her down."
     Look around your own country, state, and community, then realize the various ways the culture, some religions, and government need to change.  We all can have equal rights and be lifted up to a better life.
 

Where the Crawdads Sing

   
     In 1952, Kya is six years old, the youngest of five children, who live in the marshland of North Carolina "where critters are wild, still behaving like critters," where "biology sees right and wrong as the same color in a different light," where "man reverts to those instincts that aim straight at survival," "way out yonder where the crawdads sing."  In 1969, the body of Chase Andrews is found dead.  What happens before and after solves the mystery.

     After her family members leave one by one, Kya, still a child, becomes self-reliant living in the family shack, becoming a part of nature and using the marsh to survive.  She only goes into the village to sell the mussels she gets from the marsh and to purchase gas for the boat and other necessities.
     Author Delia Owens tells a story with style and substance of how we humans have the ability to survive, grow and face the challenges of life or choose a path that leads to destruction.

     

Mama’s Last Hug

   
     Mama, a chimpanzee matriarch, was near death, but when a biologist she had known for forty years came to visit, she showed joy through her smile, her sounds, and gentle strokes of his hair and pats on his head. She then gave him a last hug.  This demonstration showed emotions and feelings that all of us primates share.  Author Frans de Waal is a primatologist who has studied animal emotions and associated facial expressions, sounds, gestures, and behaviors.  Some of the many emotions all primates share include sadness, happiness, love, hate, anger, fear, disgust, shame, guilt, depression, pride, sympathy, empathy, affection, and sexual desire.
     De Waal states: "I believe that all the emotions we are familiar with can be found one way or another in all mammals." "Primates are made to be social, made to care about each other, made to get along, and the same applies to us." "Emotions can be good, bad, and ugly, which is as true for animals as it is for us."
     All primates including humans have many similar physical characteristics like having hands, forward facing eyes, and large brains.  We also have similar emotions, facial expressions, and gestures.  Even our behaviors are similar.  Frans de Waal writes about animal emotions and what they tell us about ourselves.

Values Shift

     As decades pass, values shift.  As phases of life are completed and new phases begin, values shift and evolve.  What was important may lose or gain relevance, be changed or downgraded.  New values may replace old.
     The importance of being in fashion may shift to comfort and practicality.  Some possessions and responsibilities may become burdensome and deemed unnecessary and a shift to a simpler life may be desirable.  As short term goals are satisfied, long term goals may become more logical.  What other people deem important may not matter as much as our own opinions.  Pleasing others may shift to making sure our own needs are met.  The list of what I shouldn't do gets shorter, and what I want to do may get more status.
     We learn to listen to our own voice and value our unique, one-of-a-kind self.  As we accumulate past experiences and our outlook on the future matures, we make better decisions.  A flexible and inquisitive frame of mind keeps us relevant to others but more importantly to ourselves.  We may improve our ability to influence others.  Wisdom enters in as we age.  We should appreciate it and not let anyone diminish it.
     Some of us remember learning to drive a stick shift and then later having the ease of  an automatic.  We still have to get out of neutral to move forward.  In order to move forward in our thinking, in order to evolve, our mind needs to shift gears.  We can value the past and honor our elders, even build on their wisdom, yet not value their opinions more than our own.  Use your freedom, allow yourself to go forward and let your values shift.

Half of us are women

     Women balance the population when given equal rights.  Too much power to men causes many problems and inhibits progress.
     On the average, men have a little more physical strength than women, and this edge may have started the whole thing.  The male could dominate the female, and she in turn assumed a submissive role.  When this seemed a little barbaric, men saw themselves as protecting the weaker female and providing an income for the family, but equal rights were still unheard of.  These ideas even persist today as the traditional family has the male going out into the world, developing his earning power, and being the head of the house.   The traditional wife takes the role of stay-at-home mom.  This situation can have drawbacks for the husband and the wife.  Being the sole provider puts a lot of stress on the traditional husband and limits the development of the wife.  Then when the stay-at-home mom tries to reenter the workforce after being at home for a decade or more, she often has a great deal of difficulty finding an appropriate job.  Families that can survive on one income have more of a choice, but many families require two  incomes. 
     Our society still has a way to go to encourage women to educate themselves to the fullest, develop their potential, and go out into the world.  Of course, disparity exists when the male gets paid more than the female for the same job.  Women are still striving toward equality in pay and opportunities.
     Patriarchal societies, governments, and religions still give more power to the male.  Often tradition and many religions still perpetrate this imbalance as coming from God, thinking He has set up these traditional roles.  Leadership positions are mainly in the hands of men who like the power and often have trouble seeing the advantages of equality.  The female perspective and positive contributions are often undervalued.
     Pregnancy and caring for very young children may create another prejudice against females.  Some occupations do allow sufficient leave for the mom and sometimes for the dad, but more needs to be done to allow parents to care for their very young children.  Affordable day care is a help, some even set up on the premises of the parent's employer.  When both parents work, home chores need to be fairly assigned.
     The mindset of the modern world needs to encourage equality from birth.  The young boy shouldn't be our "buddy" while the girl is our "sweetie."  Our education system is making some strides encouraging both sexes to develop their potential and think in terms of careers, especially those jobs that will be in greatest demand in the future that will provide sufficient financial compensation.  Our society also needs to encourage both sexes to be creative and contribute to society whether in the arts or sciences.  The simple solution: treat boys and girls as equal human beings and enable them to pave their own way and support themselves.
     Women are learning they must be proactive and make the changes.  Men and women must evolve beyond the past and into an improved future.  Better the balance, better the world.

Prophet

   
     A  visionary of a new belief, cause, or theory who may be able to predict the future.  Traditionally, a person who may receive guidance from the spirit world.  More loosely defined as someone who understands cause and effect in the past and present and may be better able to guess the future.  And most loosely defined as anyone with wisdom garnered from experience.
     Prophets, however, are not always believed.  The Bible even relates how a prophet often has no honor in his home town, in his own home, or among his relatives.  They often think he has lost his senses or gone out of his mind.  Even though a prophet always tries to tell the truth, those closest to him or her are resistant to what they attempt to teach.
     The process of becoming a prophet does not have to include spiritual intervention.  Intelligence, an inquiring mind, a broad perspective, and maturity can aid this process.  Most people have beliefs and theories that involve the future.  They may base their behavior on perceived outcomes, make plans to pursue goals, and avoid what may hamper future accomplishments.  They also may have the ability to have a positive influence on others.  Additional abilities can come from being a lifetime learner, from living many decades and experiencing many phases of life as parents and grandparents, as friends, as workers paid and unpaid, as witnesses to many years of history watching the changes in society and making comparisons how some things are better, some worse.
     Unfortunately, our society overvalues the young, often undervaluing the wisdom of the not-so-young.  The more mature generations have had the time to go beyond the beliefs they were  taught as children.  Some beliefs may have proven false; some may have evolved creating new beliefs.
     Just as in the past, those people closest to visionaries may not appreciate or accept their wisdom.  Have the confidence and courage in presenting new ideas and predictions, but don't be surprised when you find it difficult to get your message across.  Try to use logic and sensitivity to present your ideas when the time is right.  Remember that even the best prophets had problems.

Goodbye, Hello

   
     Saying goodbye does not mean losing the memories.  In fact, treasuring and protecting those memories is a privilege and responsibility.  A few years ago and even farther back than that, legal records, family trees, photographs, and more recently, movies and VCR tapes composed our record of the past.  The digital age has increased our record-keeping.  We can also tell our story in our words, verbally and in writing.  Deciding what mementos to save for ourselves and future generations is also a privilege and responsibility.
     Some goodbyes are out of choice; some are forced upon us.  Some are temporary, some permanent.  Time forces us to say goodbye to childhood, adolescence, and "youth."  As years go by, parents must say goodbye to their "babies," to their college-bound teenagers, to their "children" going away because of marriage or moving to other homes, even other countries.  Almost half of us will have to say goodbye to a spouse, a husband or a wife.
     Some goodbyes are beneficial, like saying goodbye to bad habits.  Other goodbyes are very sad and need a recovery period.  Adjusting to a new normal takes a lot of work but gives us an opportunity to renew ourselves and plan our future.
     Many people believe that we don't have a final goodbye, that after death, we will live in heaven and be reunited with those that have already passed on.  Others look to nature where everything that  lives, dies, and turns into small bits of matter.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  No matter what you believe, we have to say goodbye to our life on earth.
     On a brighter note, many goodbyes enable new hellos.  Goodbye past.  Hello today.  Hello future.

"The Last Mrs. Parrish"

     Amber Patterson is determined to become "The Last Mrs. Parrish."  Mr. Jackson Parrish, however, appears to be a happily married man with an adoring wife Daphne and their two daughters.  Amber uses cunning, ingenuity, and manipulation to go after this man who has limitless wealth and can provide a lifestyle where she would be pampered and envied by all.
     Part I reveals Amber's story, Part II Daphne's, and part III the resolution.  Thinking you know what you want and doing whatever it takes to get it may bring many unexpected results.  After you get what you think you wanted, it may turn out to be something completely different.  "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" (Sir Walter Scott, 1808)
     The black cover of the book could be a warning this novel has a dark side.  The cover also states: "Some women get everything. Some women get everything they deserve."  Liv Constantine is the pen name of sisters Lynne Constantine and Valerie Constantine.

   

"Necessary Lies"

   
     Everyone needs help sometime in their lives, and many of us can provide help either personally or through social services.  But who decides the best way to help and thereby benefit society as a whole?  Even with the best efforts, some people can barely survive.  Even with the best intentions, the type of help offered may not be what others really need.
     The causes of poverty are numerous including being born into a family of meager means, low intelligence, insufficient education, and lack of a family support system.  The results of poverty are also numerous including insufficient housing, nutrition, and medical care.
     Diane Chamberlain's "Necessary Lies" is based on real conditions in rural 1960 North Carolina and reveals how poor families lived and how social workers helped and hindered their situation.  Tenant families on a tobacco farm, dependent on the owner, had to struggle to survive.  Two sisters and their family living and working on the farm needed help.  A social worker assigned to them realized that the family and the agency needed to change.
     For those of us not born into poverty, our understanding of the situation is meager and even prejudicial.  We might feel that if they only tried harder, worked harder, and lived a moral life, they could escape the situation.  Some even feel that the government helps too much and even slows their progress toward independence.  "Necessary Lies" shows how revealing the truth serves us best.

Why We Believe

   
     We believe what we trust: our bodies and minds, people we honor, and other  sources of information.  A helpless baby cries out for survival needs, nourishment, comfort, and human contact.  It then learns to trust the parents or caretaker who provide these needs.  Later, the parents' beliefs are incorporated into the developing brain.  Additional people also become influential and trustworthy.  As we observe, listen to and read the words of more people, our beliefs are reinforced, altered, or changed.
     As a result, our parents' beliefs often remain our own.  Because we trust and honor them, going beyond their beliefs is very difficult.  When we learn from other sources of information which continually bombard our minds, we have the power to choose what we  believe.
     Religious, scientific, and political beliefs develop and hopefully evolve.  Some believe God has influenced the authors of religious texts like the Torah, the Bible, and the Koran, and that He continues to influence us directly.  Trust is also given to the experts, the scholars, the devout, to help interpret and reinforce religious beliefs.
     Scientific discoveries expand our beliefs about the universe.  The methods used by scientists to make these discoveries seem logical.
     Political beliefs also develop from parents, other trusted individuals and sources of information.  Some people give more honor and trust to those who reinforce their long-held basic beliefs.  Others try to keep an open mind and increase their ability to consider a variety of opinions.
     As we mature, we become responsible for our own survival.  We listen to our bodies and minds to stay healthy physically and mentally.  We form our beliefs based on many factors.  Our minds have the power to trust wisely, absorb many sources of information, and decide what we believe.

Celibacy

     Common messages: Save yourself for marriage. Sexual relations outside of marriage are too risky because of disease, pregnancy, and emotional upheavals. Another message: Be a celibate priest. This will remove the distraction of wife and children and you can devote yourself to God and your flock.
     In the animal world, the female goes into heat and the male responds.  A few species keep the same mate for life doing what comes naturally.  Human beings evolved and life became more complex. As tribes formed, we learned to cooperate and set standards of acceptable behavior.
     In more recent history, a man wanted to marry a virgin, a guarantee that a woman hadn’t had sexual relations or been pregnant. He would become an owner of a brand new vehicle with zero mileage. His premarital behavior wasn’t scrutinized.  In fact, he was allowed to sow his wild oats before settling down and marrying.
     In some patriarchal religions, celibacy is required of priests. The lack of sexual expression may cause a state of frustration.  Some experts say that mandatory celibacy remains "the major risk factor for child sexual abuse."
     Celibacy can be a temporary or permanent choice which can have advantages. Guilt is seldom attached. Forced celibacy from societal or religious pressures can create guilt when not upheld.  Sexual relations or lack thereof is serious business. 
   

“As I Lay Dying”

     In a southern farmhouse, Addie Bundren lay dying.  She and her family plus many other characters, multiple narrators, describe the events throughout the story. Each person can only see through their own eyes with limited understanding due to their past experiences, opinions, and emotions.  While presenting various points of view, some people try to understand others, but everyone influences present and future events surrounding Addie’s death and the following journey.
     Faulkner illustrates how the survival instinct is part of human nature. Some people also have the instinct to protect and develop their children.  A few may extend their empathy to their social contacts and even to strangers.  For self protection, people keep secrets and only reveal what serves their own purposes.
     Addie’s doctor realizes, “I can remember when I was young, I believed death to be a phenomenon of the body; now I know it to be merely a function of the mind - and that of the minds of the ones who suffer the bereavement.”  After Addie dies, her final wish is fulfilled as her family makes the journey to return her body back to her hometown.

"Heart:A History"

     Author and cardiologist Sandeep Jauhar relates his personal history and the history of the advances in cardiology, and shows how the heart functions, may become problematic, then treated.  He writes, "Understanding how and why my grandfather had died, and what implications his premature death had for my father, my siblings, and me, was fundamentally intertwined with my decision to train in cardiology."
     Historically, the heart has become a metaphor for courage, emotion, sympathy, and love, but can be viewed as a machine, a pump with a set of pipes, a circulation system that generates it's own electricity.  Sometimes problems arise caused by genetics, injury, and disease.  Other problems occur from unhealthy habits and may be prevented with proper diet, exercise, and stress management while avoiding detrimental behaviors.
     In addition to eating right and exercising, Jauhar recommends, "take good care of your interpersonal relationships and the way you deal with life's inevitable upsets and traumas.  Your mind-set, your coping strategies, how you navigate challenging circumstances, your capacity to love, these things, I believe, are also a matter of life and death."

"There Will Be No Miracles Here"

   
     Casey Gerald in his memoir "There Will Be No Miracles Here," describes his life from boyhood to manhood, born in Dallas, Texas in 1987 to an often absent white mother and a former black football star.  His difficult family life, his experiences as a high school football player, and further success as a scholar, leader and football player at Yale help form the man who would continue to Harvard, Wall Street, and the political scene in Washington, D.C.
     Gerald shows how his grandmothers, sister, friends, coaches, and mentors helped him toward his goals.  He also helps others  to improve their lives.  Whether you are very different from Casey Gerald or in some fashion similar to him, his memoir provides an understanding of a black, gay male whose success does not come from miracles but from hard work and determination.
     

"A Place For Us"

   
     In Fatima Farheen Mirza's "A Place For Us," a young husband and wife born and raised in India move to America and have two daughters and a son.  Along with the typical challenges of most families, they also try to keep the culture, traditions, and behavioral norms associated with being Muslim.  They often experience the difficulties of assimilation and being a minority of a different race and religion.
     The children "were told not to question the way God worked, not to think too much into it.  That it was a mystery."  The daughters were taught: "Modesty - the highest value a woman can embody, and the most crucial.  Without it, a woman is nothing."  "It is up to the girls to do what they can to protect the boys from sin."  As the eldest daughter Hadia begins to grow up, "She knows her father.  His pride, his values, his adherence to religious rules.  They are more important than love."   She "became  more aware of her choices, of what was important for her to keep and what had just been an inherited, unexamined habit."
     The son Amar "detests, most of all, the importance placed on maintaining a sense of decorum that feels stifling, false."  He realizes "his sisters never experience the doubts he was feeling, that they never shake in the certainty of being Muslim."
     The father Rafiq believed, "I had laid the foundation of our family on the principles of our faith and our customs.  I had set standards for what we expect of each of you."  Later in life, he realized, "Anger was my worst attribute."  "I have no duty toward them except loving them."
     Most parents of every religion try to instill their values upon their children, but their insistence upon their way can cause many problems.  Some children will continue in the ways of their parents perhaps with small alterations.  Other children will adopt their own way.  If parents have a home that does not allow their offspring to blossom into their own adulthood, they may rebel in unhealthy ways or leave home altogether.  Accept the idea that as your children mature, they have a right to choose for themselves.  Create a comfortable, loving place for your family.