NO ONE'S NUMBER ONE

 I'm no one's number one anymore.  I don't have a one and only.  For many years, I was his number one, companion, friend, partner, and wife.  He was my one and only, my companion, friend, partner, and husband. We were a couple, a twosome.  Then he was gone, not of his choosing or mine, but illness and death took him away.

No one to remember our days and nights together, the fun of college, the first years of marriage, the birth of our children, tables for two at our favorite restaurants, having simple meals at home, car trips and vacations.  Only I have those memories now.

 When I wake up in the morning, he's not here.  When I go to bed at night, he's not here.  When I want the look in his eyes, the sound of his voice, his smile, his touch, he's not here.  No one can replace him.  I now must live alone.  I'm no one's number one anymore.

Many spouses will come to this time of life, to survive and go forward with a new plan, perhaps to sell a home and downsize, to decide where to live, to live alone perhaps for the first time since marriage.  Some may wish to live with family; some may not.

 Our children lost a parent.  They loved him and miss him too.  They may be your only attachment to your spouse.  But it is difficult for them to understand how you feel.  Most of our children still have their one and only and children of their own.  Their two generational family is their priority.  Our culture does not encourage multigenerational families to live together.  It expects widows and widowers to remain independent as long as they remain healthy, not to live with their grown children, that this is best for  everyone.  We must honor our children's feelings, and appreciate the time and attention they give us.   We will still be a part of the family.    

DON'T TAKE THE HEAT

Too much heat from the sun is damaging our environment; too much heat from other people can damage our thinking.  The natural protective layer of our atmosphere is being damaged by human behavior.   Our thinking is being damaged by misinformation and manipulation.  Humans have the scientific knowledge and logical thinking to combat the heat.  If a crime has been committed, we may deserve to face the heat of justice.  If we have done something harmful to someone, we must take the heat, feel guilt, face the consequences, and try to make things right.  If someone has caused us emotional stress, we may have to learn to live with it. Sometimes we can let the person know and try to resolve the problem; sometimes we may choose to tolerate the stress or refuse to let it upset us.

In many situations, we may feel the heat from  groups or individuals.  We can feel pressure to behave as others wish, to agree with what others think.  Sometimes we stay quiet.  Many people don't want to hear or aren't ready to hear an opposing opinion because they are so sure they are right.  They prefer confirmation bias, to hear what they already believe.  

What to do when your opinions differ from the majority, from your peer group, parents, or other family members?  The choice is yours.  Try to find like-minded friends.  Keep an open mind; let your opinions evolve.  Protect yourself from being bullied to change your mind.  Be strong and stand up for yourself.  Don't take the heat.