CONNECTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

  

 Make connections to prevent or solve issues and problems.  Connections can also help create something new.  Getting the perspective of another person can help you define your own.  Businesses are realizing how connectional intelligence can improve their workforce relationships while setting and reaching goals.   Connections with media and technology can also be improved. This type of intelligence can benefit individuals to improve their relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and other groups.

Make better connections through conversations, face-to-face, over the phone or on the computer.  Listen as much or more than your speak.  Discover what you have in common and what the other person likes to talk about.  Ask questions.

Make better connections by writing letters (yes, people still do that) sending emails, texts or through social media. Tell about your everyday life.  Let them know you are interested in them.  Ask questions. Take your time.  Texting is usually brief but better than nothing.  Often details are omitted.  Even if you don't get a timely response, keep writing.  Respond to communication sent to you.  

The younger generation thinks they know about communicating and they may know more about technology.  They may know about face-t-face conversations with friends and their peer group, but they may need practice in talking to those of different generations especially their parents, grandparents, and other family members.  They will also need to develop business skills going out into the workforce.  As a parent or grandparent, remember to listen as much or more than you speak.  Honor other opinions; don't expect your children to always agree with you.  Show them how to think.  Be a good example. 

Develop your Connectional Intelligence.   

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Nature confines us inside our bodies, but our minds can take us beyond that confinement.  We can reach out and touch other people with our bodies and our thoughts.  We can use our senses to listen, speak, read, and write.  Communicating our thoughts and opinions should be balanced with considering the thoughts and opinions of others.  

Some confinement is beyond our control.   Physically, it is almost impossible to experience the life of another person and other people cannot experience ours.  Empathizing helps.  Desiring to understand can benefit both parties.

We may consciously or unconsciously allow others to impose a confinement upon us like parents, peers, priests or pastors, professors, and politicians.  Their thoughts and opinions become ours often without question.  Many influencers believe they are doing it for our own good or are opening our minds to their truth; however, they may be inhibiting us from thinking on our own.  

Other types of confinement are self-imposed.  We can take our bodies and our minds into another place, another location, another way of thinking, but we must decide to do it.  Comfort and a sense of security may come with agreeing with those we love and admire, but we may be giving up our own potential to find our own truth.

Media can contribute to confinement..  When we limit our sources of information especially to those that confirm our already formed biases, a type of mental isolation can form.  We need to back up our opinions with good "arguments," listen to the opposition, and form calm, nonjudgemental expression.  We might not be able to persuade or change the minds of others, but perhaps we can expand our own thinking.    

Don't sentence yourself to solitary confinement.

RELATIONSHIPS

Dating, committed to each other, engaged, married, all these stages of relationships can add joy and love to your life.  Not all is easy; the more serious, the more effort if takes to make things work. 

A good relationship begins when each individual is a complete person.  Having emotional maturity, personal goals, and at least having a plan toward financial independence is beneficial.  Work on yourself as much as you work on the relationship.  Know your strong points and admit to your shortcomings.  As each person grows and improves, the relationship can evolve.  The next step in forming a good relationship is a balance of power;  one person should not be dominant making the other dependent.  Understanding each other is paramount, plus knowing how to discuss each others's needs and to compromise when advisable.  

Having a variety of relationships before forming a committed relationship is a good idea.  Casual dating can then lead to a more serious relationship.  You can learn which qualities you like in a person and which you don't.   Beware when a person irritates you; this personality trait may never change or even get worse.  Admit when a relationship needs to be dissolved.  Each one of you can have a chance to make a better match.

Being romantic too soon can cloud perspective.  You can be physically attracted to many people, but get to know each other before going too far.  Some say love is blind which often rings true.

Enjoy each other as you take each step in building a relationship.  

  

           

DAWN

 Dawn arrives when your part of the earth rotates to face the sun.  A short time ago all was darkness.  The sun brings light to all of nature.   The rooster crows and the animal kingdom awakens; so do most of us.

When something dawns on you, your mind comes out of the darkness of misunderstanding.  Light begins to shine on the truth.  Nature's way and logical thinking enlighten your life. 

Open up your mind and let the sunshine in. 

NO ONE'S NUMBER ONE

 I'm no one's number one anymore.  I don't have a one and only.  For many years, I was his number one, companion, friend, partner, and wife.  He was my one and only, my companion, friend, partner, and husband. We were a couple, a twosome.  Then he was gone, not of his choosing or mine, but illness and death took him away.

No one to remember our days and nights together, the fun of college, the first years of marriage, the birth of our children, tables for two at our favorite restaurants, having simple meals at home, car trips and vacations.  Only I have those memories now.

 When I wake up in the morning, he's not here.  When I go to bed at night, he's not here.  When I want the look in his eyes, the sound of his voice, his smile, his touch, he's not here.  No one can replace him.  I now must live alone.  I'm no one's number one anymore.

Many spouses will come to this time of life, to survive and go forward with a new plan, perhaps to sell a home and downsize, to decide where to live, to live alone perhaps for the first time since marriage.  Some may wish to live with family; some may not.

 Our children lost a parent.  They loved him and miss him too.  They may be your only attachment to your spouse.  But it is difficult for them to understand how you feel.  Most of our children still have their one and only and children of their own.  Their two generational family is their priority.  Our culture does not encourage multigenerational families to live together.  It expects widows and widowers to remain independent as long as they remain healthy, not to live with their grown children, that this is best for  everyone.  We must honor our children's feelings, and appreciate the time and attention they give us.   We will still be a part of the family.    

DON'T TAKE THE HEAT

Too much heat from the sun is damaging our environment; too much heat from other people can damage our thinking.  The natural protective layer of our atmosphere is being damaged by human behavior.   Our thinking is being damaged by misinformation and manipulation.  Humans have the scientific knowledge and logical thinking to combat the heat.  If a crime has been committed, we may deserve to face the heat of justice.  If we have done something harmful to someone, we must take the heat, feel guilt, face the consequences, and try to make things right.  If someone has caused us emotional stress, we may have to learn to live with it. Sometimes we can let the person know and try to resolve the problem; sometimes we may choose to tolerate the stress or refuse to let it upset us.

In many situations, we may feel the heat from  groups or individuals.  We can feel pressure to behave as others wish, to agree with what others think.  Sometimes we stay quiet.  Many people don't want to hear or aren't ready to hear an opposing opinion because they are so sure they are right.  They prefer confirmation bias, to hear what they already believe.  

What to do when your opinions differ from the majority, from your peer group, parents, or other family members?  The choice is yours.  Try to find like-minded friends.  Keep an open mind; let your opinions evolve.  Protect yourself from being bullied to change your mind.  Be strong and stand up for yourself.  Don't take the heat.

 

GENERATION GAP

 Youth, middle-age, and older want to interact and understand each other.  Many obstacles can interfere with the process.  We naturally understand our own peer group better than we understand the younger and older generations.  The desire to bridge the generation gap is the first step.

When our flesh and blood combines with our mate, we form a new person.  As we nourish the body, mind, and conscience of that new being, we should also teach them how to think not just what to think.  Don't despair when they form new ways of thinking, different opinions and beliefs.  They will incorporate their parents' generation with their own.  A natural gap will form.  

The times when we grew up help form our identity, but we need to proceed forward.  No generation is the greatest  generation; the good ole days were not always so good.  In fact, no period of history is really any better than any other.  Focus on the progress of each year as it passes.  Adapt to the present and the future.   Evolve as you add each year of life.

Nothing should be considered old-fashioned; it is just the sign of those times.  New things shouldn't always be preferred or feared or avoided because they are also the sign of these times.  If you get set in your ways of the past, you might give up the joys of the present.  Keep growing until your last breath.

Take the time to get to know other age groups and see what you have in common.  Don't dwell on the differences which seem more obvious.   Narrow the gap between childhood and adulthood, between adulthood and the elderly.  We were just born at different times.   The older we are, the more we have experienced, and hopefully the wiser we have  become.  Respect your elders and elders, earn the respect.    

LEGACY

 

More than your family tree and genealogy, write down your story and include pictures.  This can be shared while you are still alive and will be a legacy for generations to come.  Your life story is as valuable as anyone else's.  Admit that you want to be remembered.  Don't leave it up to others to pass on your history.  What they have witnessed is only part of your life. 

Don't get overwhelmed trying to remember.  Make a plan, take your time, but don't procrastinate.  Do a little bit each day or every other day so as not to exhaust yourself.  Use photos to add to your memories.  Remember you can add more later and revise before your final copy.  However you want to do it, just start writing!  As your life progresses, continue writing your story.

Some people research those family members who have gone before them.  The more information they find, the more they want to know.  Dates, places, and other facts can be found, but what a treasure to find something a person has written down about their own life.  Give this gift to your family. 

JUDGE

 In our democracy, citizens choose public servants to make, amend, or change the law.  As civilized human beings, we obey what is good for all.  Those who do not obey, can be arrested, judged to be guilty or innocent, and receive a punishment which may also help rehabilitate them.  The punishment can also be a deterrent for others tempted to disobey. 

Citizens can also question the validity of the law and bring their case to court.  The Supreme Court with the knowledge of all previous laws may then change the former laws.  Their decisions should not be based on their personal or religious opinions.

Religions also have their sets of laws based on what they believe come from spiritual sources.  Those who do not obey may face judgment and punishment.   With repentance, they receive forgiveness.  Those who obey receive rewards.

 Our government and  religion may try to convince us about what is right and what is wrong, but we need to train our minds to think logically and behave accordingly.  We can decide what we should or shouldn't do.  If we hold true to our opinions, we can build confidence in our judgement.  If we stray from our opinions, we can forgive ourselves and strive to do better.   With experience, we can amend and change our opinions.  The laws made by government and religion can guide our thinking, but we have the right to be the final judge.

ALLERGY

Your body may react in an unpleasant way to something you breathe in, touch, or consume while others do not seem to have any reaction.  This may be an allergy.   Scientists point to a variety of causes.

Perhaps you were born this way, something inherited from your parents.  Some experts say we overdo cleanliness and overuse antibiotics so the body doesn't learn how to defend itself by itself.     Climate change of global warming extends the growing season of plants which causes an increase in pollen.  Sometimes the digestive tract doesn't function normally.   We need to encourage the body to react in a more natural way. 

 We also need to encourage the brain to be able to handle whatever comes our way, to observe a variety of ideas and have healthy thinking.  Young people, don't automatically inherit all of your parents' ideas.  Parents, don't expect your children to always agree with you.  If parents limit their children to only what they have decided is clean and don't expose them to different ideas, the child may not learn how to think.  They need to be taught how to defend their beliefs and understand those with different beliefs.  As we consume information by listening or reading from only one point of view, our thoughts can become very narrow.  

Throughout your life, find out how to maintain a healthy body and brain.  Don't develop an allergy to logical thinking. 

   

 

EVIL and GOOD

Nature is neither evil nor good, but our human nature can lead us toward evil and good.  When we have what we need, we have no excuse to choose evil.  If  basic needs are not met, some people might  compensate and do something they shouldn't or not do something they should.  Other people never develop emotional maturity, self-control, or empathy for others which can cause very bad behavior.  Our responsibility is to provide for ourselves and help others when possible.  If for some reason: lack of proper parenting, limited capacities, insufficient education,  prejudice  (the list goes on) we must seek help.  In addition, we should provide help to others.

We need to define good and evil.  Good benefits everyone.  Instances of evil can psychologically damage the one responsible and hurt the victims in many ways.  The absence of evil is the first step toward good.  However we must go a step further and intentionally choose good.  Making good decisions and choosing good behavior need to be practiced.   Humans aren't perfect creatures, but we have the ability to improve.

Others creatures in nature are not evil.  They behave to survive, do whatever it takes to obtain food and safety.  Sometimes, males fight each other in order to secure a mate.  Animals protect their young and get them ready for adulthood.  This is their natural behavior.  We humans are more complicated.   

 

REVEAL

  Many people take selfies to share an image of themselves.  But the eyes of others around them also see an image.  They see your appearance and actions, take a mental picture of you, and make assumptions, some positive some negative.  Often the pic includes friends and family at a special event.

You may wish to reveal your thoughts and opinions through conversation or in writing.   Those who listen and read may agree, disagree, or wish you hadn't revealed that part of yourself.   You may decide to write about your life and reveal the important memories of your past.  Don't pass up the opportunity to let your family and friends know you better.   

END OF THE LINE

Trains travel back and forth close to my home, and I often wonder where are they going, what do the many cars contain, and what is their destination.  In life, we have a destination, but we don't know when we will get to the end of the line.  We may be closer to the end than the beginning, and perhaps now more than ever, we need to evaluate where we have been, what we have done along the way, then plan our future and enjoy the ride. 

To do this, our engine needs to be cared for to be able to sustain the trip: the right fuel, proper maintenance, and timely checkups.  The contents of our days and months should be fulfilling for ourselves and those around us.  Try to have a purpose for your trip.  We may not know the schedule or the stops along the way, but keep on moving.  

 

NINETEEN

We thought having our first period was the sign of becoming a woman, but actually we had quite a few years to go to get that status.  Perhaps turning 20 or 21 is the time we can call ourselves women.  You will then be a woman the rest of your life.  Enjoy those teenage years and don't rush into womanhood.

Prepare yourself to become a woman.  Further your education and discover your true interests, then get ready to select a career that you will enjoy as you benefit society.  This career should also make you financially independent.  Meet other people your age and have fun.  Go on dates, but don't feel the necessity of being a part of a couple.  Don't limit yourself to just one and only and be in a hurry to make a lifetime commitment.  You have many years ahead of you to discover more about yourself and decide what kind of person you want as a mate.  

Falling in love feels great, but it can happen more than once, which may be a good thing.  Some people do marry their high school or college sweetheart and all works out fine.  Others realize that first love just leads to our final, lifelong love.  

Be true to yourself.  Let yourself grow and learn more about life.  Lean forward; resist the temptation of falling back into childhood.  Also resist the temptation of jumping too far ahead.  Marriage and parenthood will last a lifetime and frequently demand that you put others first before yourself.  Use your early years to be selfish in a good way.    

 

MAJORITY/MINORITY

When you are in the majority, more people are like you and more people agree with your opinions.  They may have the same racial background, the same religious beliefs, or the same political views.  You may be in the majority in your place of residence, your neighborhood, your state, or your country.  When you are in the majority, understand what placed you there.  Your parents gave you your racial background.  Their financial status enabled you to live in your neighborhood.  They also may have brought you up in their religion and influenced your political leanings.

You may find yourself in the minority in a social gathering with different religious or political opinions.  Others may not realize your views and assume you agree with them.  You may feel uncomfortable speaking up.  The majority group may not want to hear your opinions and even expect you to go along with their traditions.  You may choose to remain quiet.  After all, this is your right.

Imagine if those around you pretty much agree with you; however, one or two may not agree.  Think how they feel.  Maybe they have a different religion or no religion at all.  They may believe in the other political party.  Even without realizing it, you may be causing them discomfort.    

Try not to take advantage of the fact that you have the comfort and power of the majority at the expense of the minority.  Realize in the USA, the minority should have the same respect and rights of the majority.

Don't assume that the majority is always correct.  Might doesn't make right.    

 

MONKEY MIND

A very busy brain may have trouble calming down and focusing on the present.  The mind may dwell on hurtful memories of the past or worry about the future.  Difficulty falling or staying asleep may be a symptom.  The mind can seem like a little monkey hopping from branch to branch, chattering away and laking self-control.

A person may relive an event in the past and think "If only I had done things differently" or feel resentment about what someone else has done to you.  Fearing something in the future may make you dwell on "What if this or that happens" frequently going to the worse-case scenarios.  The brain may also become uncomfortable with present situations and experience stress and anxiety.

We all occassionally have one or more of these problems.  A few solutions may include doing some research, talking to an understanding friend, or contacting a professional for help.  Ignoring the problem will just be a postponement. 

Some say listen to the monkey to hear what the chatter is all about.  Even write down the words you hear.  See why he keeps talking to you.  Then have a conversation; yes, talk to yourself.  Try to calm your fears, disappointments, and worries.   Put things into perspective.  Easier said than done.

Recognizing this very common problem is the first step in taming the monkey.  

       

 

THE BIGGEST LIE

A person or organization may lie to us; we may lie to others; we may lie to ourselves.  Some lies are intentional: a little white lie to save another from getting hurt feelings, a lie that omits a detail of an otherwise truthful statement, a lie to protect or promote ourselves.  A flat-out lie, a complete fabrication, usually is meant to harm someone or give the liar an unfair advantage.  

Another type of lie is one that may have been perpetrated for generations or centuries.  People involved may not even realize the information is untrue. At some point in history, people accepted the information as true without using logic or investigation.

The biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.  Many influences combine to make us believe untruths: family, culture, business, and politicians.  Very tough to go against what your parents believe, what our culture values, what advertising wants you to believe and purchase, what politicians say to get your support and vote. 

An exaggerated self-image can cause us to believe overly negative or positive traits..  Accepting the truth about ourselves should be our goal, not the opinions of others.  Recognize our good decisions and behavior, realize our short-comings and do something to improve, and accept our natural appearance.  See the truth that we are human, not so bad and not always so good.  Telling ourselves lies prevents us from the truth. 

At some point on our journey to maturity and truth-seeking, we need to wake up to realize that some things we believe are untrue.  We may have to give up the comfort that lies provide, but when that is done, we can spend our time and energy on understanding the truth.  We may have to go against family beliefs.   We still can respect the beliefs of others and not try to persuade them away from their beliefs, but we will be untrue to ourselves if we pretend to agree just to promote harmony.   Don't lie.   

FEAR

Fear can control our feelings and behavior.  Fear can warn you of danger and save your life; however, it may prevent you from taking a necessary risk in order to forge ahead.  Sometimes, we can learn more about our fears and judge if they are rational or irrational, if they are based on actual facts or exaggerated  thoughts, perhaps even a manipulation from someone else trying to control us.

Think about what you fear and why.  We may fear the loss of something, our own life, the life of loved ones, physical and mental abilities, relationships, financial stability.  Sometimes we have control of preventing these losses; sometimes we have no control and sometimes we allow others to take control.

Most of us have the knowledge of how to extend our health and our life, but self-control may need to be strengthened.  We need to seek good advice and follow it.  Even if we do this, our bodies may still become ill and deteriorate.  And death may come gradually or suddenly.  

Throughout life, we learn what it takes to form and keep good relationships, to care about others as much as we care about ourselves.  But as we have heard, "It takes two to tango."  Even when we try our best, the other person may prevent the relationship to progress and thrive.  

As we accept the responsibility to provide for ourselves, plan our future, and become independent, we should pay our own way.  We may also add the responsibility of supporting a family.  Whether we are single or married, long-term planning is essential; however,  unforeseen situations can cause financial stress. 

Face your fears.  Some things will always be scary especially the unknown.  Be realistic and control what you can.  Don't try to ease your fears with false promises.  Instead, get the facts, put things into perspective, and be brave.