Positive Reinforcement

     Many church services begin with confession of sins.  Church members reflect on what they have done wrong and feel a need to be forgiven.  As they feel forgiveness and get a fresh start, they also should be forgiving others.
     We often judge ourselves by what we have done wrong or what we should have done.  We may also feel obligated to judge ourselves by what others think we should do.  In addition, we may be judging others by focusing on their shortcomings and even wish to help them overcome their faults.
     We all fall short of perfection, and realizing our weaker points can help us improve; however, wouldn't it be just as effective if we saw the good as much as the bad.
     Here is what I wish for the new year.  Be kind to yourself.  Focus on the good you have done and try to continue those behaviors.  Be kind to others.  Be sure your family and friends know you appreciate your relationship and what good they do.  Give compliments and thank-yous.
     Be kind to those who are different and even disagree with you.  Listen to their point of view.  When you explain why you disagree, be civil and respectful.  You may or may not be able to persuade them to your way of thinking.  They should feel that you appreciate their part in the dialog.
     We see many examples of too much positive reinforcement like continually telling a child, "Good job!"  Too often, however, people aren't recognized for the many good things they do.  Be kind to yourself and others and be a positive reinforcement.

Old Long Since

     As we say good-bye to the past, the year, or a phase of life, we need to decide what to remember and what to try to forget.  We need to remember the people and events that have sustained and improved our lives.  Our memories should include lessons learned and goals accomplished.
     Some things, however, we should try to forget.  As we forgive the hurts and injustices we have felt, forgetting will be easier.
     At the same time, we might image how others will remember us, our personality, attitudes, values, words, and actions.  We can't change what we have done in the past, but we can set out to do better in the future.  
     A new year is about to begin.  We still have time to improve ourselves and the way we interact with others.  Hopefully, who we are and what we do will be remembered with love and affection.

New Solutions

     Remember this time last year when you wanted to solve a problem.  Did you set a realistic goal and take small steps toward a solution or did you go back to the same old same old?  Some habits are hard to change; some new actions are hard to develop.  If you still have the same problem this year, you may need to resolve, make your goal more realistic, and take it step by step.
     Sometimes we may want to reduce or eliminate a negative.  Sometimes we may want to improve a positive.  Sometimes we may want to add something new to make our lives easier, healthier, or more meaningful.  We also may want to help others improve their lives.  The more we keep doing the right things, the less time we will have to do the wrong.
     Even with determination, many obstacles may deter us from the path we want to take.  We need to mentally reward ourselves each time we say no to a negative and yes to a positive.  We need to forgive ourselves when our resolve is weakened.  Obviously our old habits have given us some pleasure or satisfaction which makes them hard to change.  We need to develop a new satisfaction and enjoy accomplishing our resolutions.

Compromise

     We seem to believe that our country is the most tolerant and even welcomes differences of opinion, but each individual needs to honor differences if we are to be a model to the world.
     Our government is responsible for making and enforcing laws that are best for everyone, yet compromise is difficult.   Each representative not only must consider the constituency and the political party,  but also must honor what is considered the opposition.  To honor does not mean to devalue their own opinion.  Even if elected officials understandably believe they are right and other opinions are wrong,  too much self confidence can cloud their understanding of all sides of an issue.  Our representatives need to be informed, open-minded, and willing to find agreed-upon solutions.
     Marriage also works best when husband and wife honor each other even when differences of opinions arise.  Two people, two different opinions in many cases, need compromise in order to get along and accomplish goals.  This is also a good model for the children.
     With other relationships, we need to realize that everyone has a right to their own opinions.  We need to honor  each individual and try to understand their thinking.  When we  believe our opinions are best, we may feel it necessary to change others' minds to our way of thinking. We can't, however, expect everyone to agree.  The minute we feel superior and have the Truth, we may appear to be looking down on others.  Those around us can sense this superior attitude, and necessary compromise gets very difficult.
     When you want to "argue" your case, you need to understand the opposition. Their background, the way they were raised, the religion they were taught, and their present situation, all go to influence their opinions.  The same forces have influenced your opinions.  Even after you explain your side of an issue, agreement may not arise.  At that point, you may need to agree to disagree.  In many cases, the only solution is compromise.

When they still believe

     One of the sweetest times of family life occurs when the children still believe in Santa.  They aren't mature enough to question what their parents have told them about this magical person.  They ask Santa for their hearts' desires, and by being good, they receive wonderful presents.  They haven't begun to doubt how these gifts appear.  In addition to their gifts, children also get great happiness being together with family on Christmas Day.
     One of the sweetest parts of life in general is believing in God and being able to ask Him for our hearts' desires.  The gifts from Him are endless, the most important arriving on the first Christmas Eve.  Both Father and Son show the ways to be good.  The ultimate happiness will occur when believers come together in His presence and are reunited with their families in Heaven.
     Whatever your beliefs may be, enjoy this holiday season.  Hope for peace on earth and have goodwill toward all.

Turmoil

  

  
      When you are in a whirl of constant motion, caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, you may yearn to stop the turmoil and create some peace and quiet.  A certain amount of turmoil is out of your control; however, you may be able to control or eliminate more than you realize.
     Some turmoil may be caused by pressures from society and family.  You do have the power to lessen these influences and decide for yourself what is best.
     Some turmoil may be self-imposed.  Your to-do list may need to be analyzed.  Some things can be done by others, some things are not really essential, and some things need to be deleted.
     Other turmoil may be happening in your mind when you are in a transition of changing your thinking.  Even though you see the value of former opinions, you may have gained new perspective and are in the process of changing your mind.  This can cause turmoil for yourself and sometimes for those around you who are more comfortable with the way you are and prefer you to remain the same.
     Some turmoil we just have to live with, while some may be necessary as we take steps toward change.  We may find it advisable to reduce or eliminate  whatever turmoil we can in order to create a healthier and more peaceful way of life.
   

Desensitize

     Doctors can desensitize patients to relieve pain, lessen the effects of allergies, and cure phobias.  Lives can be greatly improved.
     At times, we may need to desensitize ourselves when we are overly sensitive, take offense at others' behaviors, get our feelings hurt too easily, and hold grudges.  We need to realize when we are being too self-centered.  Our lives will be improved when we thicken our skin, become more sensitive to other people, chill, and not sweat the small stuff.
     Some video games, TV shows, books, and movies can desensitize our normal, healthy reactions.  Overexposure to images of sex and violence can cause us to numb our sensitivity.  We may identify with a character who blurs the lines between good and bad in order to be successful or survive.  Our basic values may shift temporarily or change.
     The right amount of sensitivity is necessary for physical and emotional health.  We need to be on guard when we become too sensitive or when we allow outside influences to weaken our values.
   

More than enough

Imagine living in areas of war, then appreciate our peace.
Imagine living under a dictatorship, then appreciate our democracy.
Imagine living in poverty, then appreciate our beautiful homes.
Imagine having only a few articles of clothing, then look in our full closets.
Imagine having no medical care, then appreciate our healthy lives.
Imagine a dinner table with only the barest essentials, then view your Thanksgiving feast.

Instead of just being thankful for what we have, we need to be grateful for what we can give. Instead of getting happiness from what we can accumulate, we need to get true pleasure from what we can share.  For whatever reasons, many people are in need.  Most of us have more than enough.

Double Whammy

   
     When you don't get what you want and then get what you don't want, you feel a double whammy of disappointment.
     The first whammy comes with the realization that you didn't get what you wanted.  After months of  decisions, discussions, and anticipation, your hopes were dashed.  The second whammy comes with the realization that you got what you didn't want.  Anxiety and fear may have replaced hope.
     Many voters experienced this after the elections.  Easy to say what is done is done and what will be will be.  Harder to stop thinking of what could have been, deal with the disappointment and fear, and go forward.  After a certain period of time, you may see that your worst fears will not materialize.  Somehow, we will work together and solve our problems.  You can survive the double whammy.

Looking back to see forward

     Looking back at our past in order to clarify the present and hopefully improve our future is an ongoing process.  When our past contains more years than our future, we hope age and experience can produce wisdom.
     As we spend time reflecting on our past, we may need to pull away from our preconceived beliefs and opinions in order to form an improved perspective.  This process can be both enlightening and scary.  As you free yourself from the non-essentials, you will feel lighter as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.  You will feel more confident and less dependent on what others think.  Almost like watching a movie, you can view your past and present life with an objective eye.
     Many people feel comfortable with their lives just as they are.  They may feel that no changes are necessary or advisable.  They have found contentment.  Other people feel an uneasiness and wish to analyze their thinking of the past and redefine their beliefs and opinions.
     You can question anything.  Lightening will not strike.  Old ideas may be cast aside, traditions may be altered, but then you can enjoy a new freedom.  As you go forward, your new perspective of the world may enable you to better understand yourself and others.  Be brave and design your own future.

Natural Lines

     Has anyone ever died or felt pain from wrinkles?  I'm not referring to skin cancer or any other diseases of the skin.  I'm talking about lines that occur on the face as we age.  Our society views any sign of aging as something to prevent, treat, cover up, or get rid of.  Women, especially, are made to feel less beautiful, less worthy of attention, and even ugly.  They often believe their worth is tied to their appearance and become vulnerable to promises made by chemicals, cosmetics, and surgeries.
     Everyone will eventually live to an age (if they're lucky) that will bring extra lines on the skin.  We shouldn't dishonor an aged face as being less than a younger one.  We have learned that younger is better, and from the time that we are no longer young until the day we die, our society devalues the natural process of added lines.
     As we watch TV ads, we females need to remind ourselves that the main objective behind these commercials is to sell, sell, sell.  They are manipulating the female to feel less confident in her natural appearance and causing her to yearn for a fountain of youth.  They make her feel that beauty may slip away without their products or treatments.  We need to change our perspective and remember that wrinkles won't kill you or even cause you pain.  Women need to develop an inner confidence, to accept our natural beauty that will remain no matter how many lines appear.

Explanations

     We all want explanations, to know the reasons, the how and why of life.  Comfort comes when we feel we have the answers to our questions.
     Some believe their religion holds the explanations, that everything is going according to a master plan.  Even if they don't understand now, they believe the reasons will be revealed later or in the afterlife.
     Without this type of faith, others accept the fact that some things have no explanation and some things will remain in the realm of the unknown.  Scientists realize they don't have the information to answer all the questions, but with research, they hope to add to their body of knowledge.  Maybe someday, they can discover the how and why to their questions.
     Often we have to decide if another person has the right explanations.  For example, which politician do we trust to have the right explanation of the past and the correct answers of what to do in the future.   
     We may have to become comfortable with the unexplained.  We can't always have a ready answer no matter how much we study scriptures or delve into scientific research.  We can still form opinions which may or may not be correct.  Others may have different opinions which may be right or wrong.  Sometimes we just have to admit that we don't know.
    

That Place

     When we feel stressed, confused, or down, we can take a walk, visit a favorite place, smell the sweetness of nature, listen to music, take a bath, taste comfort food or drink, or enjoy a companion, pet, or hobby.  Many avenues can take us to that place to escape temporarily and take a break.
     We can also relax alone and travel to a place in our mind to help us go from stress to calm, from confusion to inspiration, from pessimism to optimism.  Some use prayer; others use meditation.
     All of us need to take the time to go to those physical and mental places to get away from it all.  After our temporary escape, we may be able to return to the challenges of life with a refreshed outlook.  Whenever life seems to be wearing you down, go to that special place.

How To Treat A Woman

     Treat a woman like a complete human being with all the rights and privileges of a man.  Any person, candidate, political party, religion, or country who reduces the rights of the female does not understand the necessity of equal rights.
     Any country who refuses to educate the female, gives her second-class citizenship, and relegates her to a subservient role in the family is abusing its power and limiting its potential.
     Any religion that only allows men to be priests or pastors, that continually views God in a masculine image, and believes the husband should be the head of the family and the wife a helpmate, is perpetuating outdated mores.
     Any political party or candidate that wants to take away the female's right to control her own body does not respect her judgment capabilities.
     Males and females should have the same equal rights, equal educational opportunities, and equal status in the family and society.

What's your source?

     We can refer to many sources for information.  Most people use scientific evidence, historical info, witnesses, and common sense.  Followers of most religions also have their spiritual books which they believe is the word of God.  Christians believe the Bible contains the history of creation through the life and times of Christ.  They also believe the Bible is a guide to morality.  Some believe every word is inspired, complete and without error. They also put faith into their own church's interpretation.  Some churches have a more literal interpretation; others see certain passages as a simplified way to explain complicated issues to a people without our scientific background and modern sensibilities.  Misinterpretation can also cause disagreements.
     Just as we trace a river back to it's source, we can also trace our lives back to day one, our human race back to it's origin, and the universe back to creation.  Our source may be spiritual or scientific or a combination of both.
     Many people, however, while claiming their source is accurate, believe those who disagree are inaccurate or wrong.  A democratic society by all people and for all people must not honor one religion over another.  We allow our citizens to hold a variety of opinions from a variety of sources.

Fooled

     No one wants to be fooled, to be influenced by tricks, deceptions, exaggerations, or lies.  We want to have faith that our intelligence and good judgment can help us detect such things.  Political campaigns, however, have mastered the art and science of using methods that appeal more to our emotions, fears, and preconceived opinions.  Speeches, debates, and advertising should help us to make good decisions, but instead they use every trick in the book to get our vote.
     Many problems cannot be solved by government.  Candidates often offer a false hope that they know how to give us the future we want.  They may have possible solutions to some problems, but other situations are beyond the function of government.  Stay alert, keep an open mind, evaluate what you see and hear, and don't let them fool you. 

Default Setting

     A default setting on a computer is preset, installed at the factory, and used automatically unless the user chooses to alter the option.  You can enter your own setting or use the default.
     People also have default settings.  Parents begin to instill a set of beliefs and values into their child at an early age which is a natural part of good parenting.  They teach their child what they believe is true, but what they believe may be opinion and not fact.  Difficulties may occur when the child grows into a teenager and young adult and is exposed to other options.
     Many people never alter their basic beliefs.  Their default setting remains intact.  Others who investigate other options may or may not choose to change.  Parents, however, should not be surprised when their older child is able to distinguish between fact and opinion.  Don't put a guilt trip on them when they begin to form opinions which are different from yours.  As long as they are not into dangerous behaviors, let them develop into an adult who may or may not keep their default setting. 
    
    

Silver Lining?

     Every cloud has a silver lining, not.  Sometimes a cloud lingers and blocks the sunshine for a long time.  When that cloud finally leaves, the sunshine returns, but that doesn't erase the fact that that cloud had no redeeming feature, no lesson to teach, no pretty.  We often hear that it could have been worse, but that isn't the point.  Author Harold Kushner explains how bad things happen to good people.  No rhyme or reason.  Not always fair.
     Don't feel that everything has a purpose or is part of some master plan.  Don't wonder why your guardian angel was off guard.  Some situations have no happily ever after, and we just have to cope.  It may never be the same. Looking for a silver lining isn't realistic in many cases.  As a famous lyric says: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

Puzzle

     Watch a toddler learning to put together a simple puzzle.  With practice, the process gets easier.  As the child grows older and the brain gets more complex, the puzzles can become more challenging.  Adults also get a challenge and pleasure from fitting the puzzle pieces into a big picture.
     We are also puzzle pieces, each with a unique contour and design.  Some children and adults have a harder time than others fitting into their peer group.  Some may struggle finding their place.
     The human puzzle piece has the advantage of being able to modify its contour and design.  Through education and practice, the individual can create a better fit into society.  We may be just one piece, but our contribution will give us satisfaction and help solve the big puzzle.   
    

Inspiration

     Inspiration can cause a thought or feeling to motivate us toward action.  Sources of inspiration may include nature or art, hearing or reading meaningful words, or witnessing people living admirable lives.  Some people feel inspiration from God and religion.  Some people with curious and creative minds observe the world around them and come up with new ideas and inventions.
     Inspiration is also inhalation, the movement of air into the lungs.  Some people learn to focus on breathing by remaining still and allowing the mind to clear.  This is a type of meditation which can lead to enlightenment, with or without religious connotations.
     Oxygen, thoughts, and feelings are essential for survival.  They enable us to take action toward improving our lives and the lives of others.  Get inspired.  Be an inspiration.
    

Healing

     Stitch and staple the skin.  Ice and wrap the sprain.  Align and cast the bone.  Remove the appendix, the cataracts, the tumors.  Replace the knee, hip, and even the organs.  Our marvelous bodies begin to heal.
     Putting your life back together after troubled times, easing stress and strain, and mending a broken heart show how our minds can begin to heal.  Replacing negativity with hope and erasing grudges with forgiveness can lead to better mental health.
     We all are in various stages of physical and mental health.  As we improve our own situations, we will also benefit from helping others toward healing.

Volunteer

     Any time you willingly do something without compensation, you have volunteered.  As you care for family and friends, give your time to church and community, or take care of a pet or garden, you are volunteering.  Giving your time, talent, and attention can improve the world around you and, at the same time, can provide you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
     Flip the coin and realize how many people voluntarily make your life better and easier: your parents, your children, your friends, church members, and the list goes on.  Remember to appreciate what they do for you.  Don't take them for granted.
     Recently after a big rain, I noticed some annuals springing out of the ground that I had planted three years ago.  Obviously some seeds had remained in the soil all this time and came up on their own without any planning from me.  These volunteers are providing beauty free of charge. 

Independent View

The way it looks to me:

Republicans use religion as a guide.
                     define morality based on religion.
                     want to limit women's reproductive rights.
                     back school vouchers.
                     favor management over unions.
                     propose big cuts in government spending.
                     support increase in military spending.
                     want to retain tax breaks for the wealthy.
                     prefer private health insurance.
                     expect the poor to pull themselves up buy their own bootstraps.

Democrats believe religion is a private matter.
                  define morality based on the common good.
                  protect women's reproductive rights and gay rights.
                  want to provide good public education.
                  favor balance between unions and management.
                  want to reduce the deficit.
                  favor decrease in military spending and plan to bring the troops home.
                  believe in fair taxation.
                  want everyone to have access to health care and insurance.
                  feel responsible to help the poor pull themselves up.

Please let me know if you agree or disagree with any part of my viewpoint.  Or add to the lists describing the two parties.
                 
                    

Political Prejudices

                               

     Everyone has them; no way to avoid opinion based on past experience.  Just take a moment to trace your opinion back to its origin.  When did you first have that opinion?  What caused it?  Perhaps it was based on your family's influence, your personal experience, outside influences, and even manipulations.  What has made your opinion grow stronger and what do you benefit from having that particular way of thinking?

     Please be aware of how your emotions may make it difficult to understand those who disagree with you.  You may think that the opposition is less intelligent and less focused on what is best for you and your future. 
     Please be aware of manipulations to increase your prejudice like TV ads, speeches, and bias news.  They often try to increase your fear of the opposition.  They may use your dislike of the opposition to increase your loyalty to their way of thinking.
     We all have a big decision to make between now and the elections.  Most of you may already have made the decision.  Some of you may still be undecided.  Please  keep listening to both sides with an open mind and vote.  Hopefully, your decision will be based on clear thinking instead of prejudice.
    

Inner Dialog

     During difficult times in our lives, our inner dialog can become our best source of help.  Especially when a friend or relative isn't around to care for us, we have to be able to talk to ourselves, calm our mind and emotions, and broaden our perspective beyond the immediate problem.
     Having the support of others helps us cope, but sometimes we realize we are alone and need to be an independent grownup.  Sometimes the problem seems completely out of our control.  The only control that remains is in our mind.  We need to quiet the negative voice and protect ourselves from getting depressed and imagining the worst.  Then, we can proceed to do what we have to do.  This can help us become stronger and more resilient.  We are not helpless as long as we can talk to ourselves and search for wisdom.

BANG

13.7 billion years ago - Big Bang
4.6 billion years ago   - Earth was formed
500 million years ago - fish
475 million years ago - land plants
360 million years ago - amphibians
300 million years ago - reptiles
200 million years ago - mammals
150 million years ago - birds
200,000 years ago - modern humans

     Wikipedia has a more complete time line.  Most scientist agree with these approximations.  Most people have a very difficult time even imaging millions and billions of years.  Some who interpret the Bible literally believe the earth was formed 6000 years ago in 6 days. Some are even trying to add creationism and anti-evolutionary thinking to school curriculum. Others believe the scriptures were not meant to be taken as scientific fact but more of a simplified explanation of God's creation.  Then there are those that see scriptures as myths.
     No matter what you believe happened or how it happened,  today's world is a wonderful, precious home.  Each human being is also wonderful and precious.  Please respect and care for your part of the world.    

Mother Nature

     Living in southeastern Louisiana has many perks but one obvious danger: hurricanes.  At least we get plenty of warning and can evacuate if necessary.  Since Katrina, more safeguards and stronger levies have been put into place to prevent flooding.
     Nature can be very harmful to human beings.  Most of the time nature is good to us, sustaining our survival.  We often take good weather for granted when temperatures are pleasant and rainfall comes in needed amounts.  We are surprised when human needs aren't the center of nature's activities.  Sometimes, we are so self-centered that we become harmful to nature by polluting the air, water, and soil.
     Mother Nature provides the basics for human survival.  We need to use our intelligence to protect what is good and deal with danger.  Mother provides and protects her children, but they in turn must preserve the source of life.
    

Faith

     Faith comes in when we believe without proof.  Like hope, faith allows us to ease our fears.  As children, we usually believe what our family considers true.  As we grow up, we are exposed to other opinions, some quite different from our family's.  Many adults still hold fast to their original beliefs.  They have faith in  their scriptures, interpreters of scriptures, their religion, and God.  They also have faith in  their ability to know the truth.
     Some adults, however, begin to put more trust in scientific evidence and logic.  They learn to live with the unknown and the unanswered questions.  They may retain their religious beliefs but at the same time dismiss dogma that conflicts with scientific evidence.
     Many ideas will never be proven by science, but we all need to have faith in our abilities to make sense of the world. 

Hope

     Hope comes in when a future situation is not a sure thing but still a possibility.  Hope allows us to ease our fears and become optimistic.  If we have some control over the outcome and make plans to achieve a goal, hope may increase our odds toward success.
     If the situation is out of our control, we need to be realistic about the odds.  When something is practically impossible,  hope may cause us to live in the comfort of fantasy to the point of being in denial.  Shock may set in when things don't work out as we'd hoped.
     Some people have false hopes throughout their lives.  They fashion their thoughts based on wishes and dreams that are highly unlikely, and in some cases what they hope for may or may not be good for them or those around them.  Reality may be too difficult or painful to face.  They may be living in a dream world.
     We all may need to evaluate what we are hoping for.  The future may be more out of our control than we realize.  As we anticipate what we want to come next, we need to know that hoping won't make it so. 

Weight-Bearing

    
     Many of us who have experienced pain from our knees and hips have to face the fact that bearing the weight of our bodies is becoming difficult.  No longer can we hop out of bed in the morning and move on as usual with our lives.  MRIs give us even more info that our joints are showing signs of aging.  We now have to form a strategy to try and regain the mobility that we once took for granted.
     Our minds can also experience emotional pain from bearing the weight of stress and worry.  Some of the stress is self-imposed when we expect too much from ourselves.  Other stress may come from outside sources, situations beyond our control, or caused by other people.  Our strategies of  handling stress can make us stronger, but often the weight of the problems we must bear can interfere with our emotional and physical health.
     The physical body will eventually wear out, and in some cases the mind will also deteriorate.  As we age, we hope to keep our health as long as possible.  At every age, we just have to cope with what life brings and hope for the best. 

Distortion

     Distortions are made for many reasons.  Caricatures and cartoons make it easy to recognize famous people, and some are even enjoyed by the person depicted.  Other drawings are made to be demeaning and insulting and are only enjoyed by viewers who already dislike the person.
     The written word can also be distorted to perpetuate negative thoughts.  Rumors, exaggerations, and outright lies may be used to fan the flames of hate.
     Perhaps an emotional high is obtained when people see pictures or words attack the "enemy."  Perhaps it is easier to think about what you are against than what you are for.  Often when people vote for a candidate, they are actually just voting against the opposition.
     Distortions are just shortcuts to validate what you already think.  Your emotions go into high gear and you actually get a kick out of seeing someone look ridiculous.  Especially at this time in history, we need to respect each other and try to understand all aspects of the issues.   Distortions make it difficult to see the real picture.

Imagine Being Without

     Part of appreciating what you have is imagining being without important aspects of your life.  Imagine you were born:
1) In another country
2) Speaking another language
3) Of another race
4) With another religion or no religion at all
5) Into poverty
6) To an unwed mother
7) As a homosexual
8) With health problems
9) Without health insurance
     Any one of these challenges would have seriously affected your entire life.  When we can get our narrow minds to widen just a bit and realize what we have been given by our country and our parents, only then can we truly feel empathy with what life is like for other people different from ourselves.  What a privilege to have good parents who gave us what we needed financially, emotionally, and morally, and who accepted us and nurtured us to be educated, responsible, and empathetic.  Most of us were truly lucky from day one.  We cannot take full credit for what we are today even though we have worked hard and provided a good life for our families.  Let us not feel superior to those born in less "privileged" situations.

Ed & Med

     We want everyone to be educated and healthy.  Our government makes sure everyone gets an education through public school systems paid for by our taxes.  Our access to education does not depend on the financial status of the family.
     Just as our minds need education, our bodies need health care.  Many of us pay for insurance through payroll deductions directed to private companies and to Medicare.  Many citizens, however, have no insurance for a variety of reasons.  They may be unemployed or too poor or sick to get insurance.  Our government is trying to make sure everyone has access to health care.  This necessity should not depend on the financial status of the family.
     Our full potential as a country will not be realized until all of our citizens have fully developed minds and healthy bodies.         

Outside the Box

     We are placed in many boxes.  Our parents made a box of safety so we wouldn't be harmed by others or harm ourselves.  Society makes a box of laws also for our safety so we don't harm each other.  Religions say that God created His box of guidelines to instill morality and enable us to have a better relationship with Him and other human beings.
     As we mature, we can decide if we want to be boxed in, conforming to perimeters set by others.  We may have outgrown or just don't fit into our present confines.  We can use our freedom, wisdom, and imagination to focus on what we can do instead of what others want us to do.
     We still need to abide the laws of civilization and try to make safe and moral decisions, but by designing our own lives, we can live outside the box.

Change Your Own

     When all your efforts have failed to change someone else, the only change you may be able to make is in your own mind and in your own behavior.  Of course, we all have faith in strong convictions and persistence, but sometimes the best plan is to relax and let others be responsible for their own behavior.  Even when their behavior adversely effects our own lives, nagging very seldom produces good results.  Putting our own opinions on hold for awhile may actually benefit the situation.
     If you are suffering over your lack of control over another person's life, you first need to stop the suffering.  Your unhappiness will do very little to improve the situation and may make matters worse.  Our first responsibility is toward ourselves and our own health.  Next we should try to understand why we want someone to change.  Maybe they need to improve their health or their relationships. 
     Everyone knows what it feels like to have someone think they know better than we do, insinuating that we are wrong.  Powers of persuasion have to be well-timed.  When our concern is considered nagging, we lose effectiveness.  Changing our own outlook and perspective may be all we can do until the other person wants to change. 

Thunder

     When we hear thunder, we know a storm is brewing and lightning can strike.  We take the warning and go to safe cover.  Babies instinctively fear loud noises, and our sense of hearing helps protect us.  The growl of an animal, a train whistle, a siren, all can warn us of danger.  Our sense of sight also warns us of danger as we see threatening animals, people, and vehicles headed our way.  All of our senses can alert us to potential hazards; however, how many warnings do we ignore?
     When our parents taught us about the dangers in life, we learned many lessons.  Most of the time we appreciated their advice; other times we may have ignored their wisdom and had to learn things the hard way.  When our doctors warn us to take better care of ourselves and, in some cases, advise us to take meds to improve our health, we should follow their advice.
     Some politicians are warning us about the dangers in our future and try to convince us that they are the solution to our problems.  Other politicians try to calm our fears and give us hope that we can solve our problems.
     When our experience and common sense give us clues about living the good life, hopefully we aren't tempted toward unsound, unhealthy, or unsafe decisions.  Our family and friends may see the dangers in some of our behaviors and ask us to make changes.  We need to take their concerns to heart.
     As you hear the rumble of thunder, take proper precautions.  Don't let lightning strike for you to pay attention.

Robin Hood

     King Richard of England was absent from the throne while fighting in the 3rd Crusade.  His brother John ruled is his absence.  The Sheriff of Nottingham was unscrupulous and demanded oppressive taxes from the poor.  Robin Hood was a yeoman, a commoner, neither a knight nor a peasant.  His family had a small landed estate.  Robin and his merry men lived in Sherwood Forest and would rob the rich to give to the poor.  Comparisons can be made between this folktale and our present politics.
     What would Republicans add to the tale?  King Richard was a Christian and was trying to share  his values with the world.  The Sheriff overtaxed the poor workers in order to sustain the ballooning government.  Robin wanted to reduce the power of the government so the hard-working class could sustain their way of life.
     What would Democrats add to the tale?  King Richard was interested in promoting religion but neglected his duties to all his countrymen.  The Sheriff was more concerned with protecting the wealthy and had no sympathy for the poor.  Robin believed the rich should share their wealth.
     We are thankful to be living in the US today instead of in Old England, but we have similar problems.  We hope that our elected officials can improve the lives of all our citizens through legal means.

Reality

     Everyone has their own reality based on what they think is true.  We can usually trust the information that comes in through our five senses which provide us with the most basic reality.  As we learn  about science and history, we expand what we believe is true.  We also form opinions based on these facts.  In addition, we may form opinions based on religion like the existence of God, the power of prayer, and creationism.  For Christians, the Bible is inspired by God and contains real historical facts.
     Everyone also has opinions based on logical common sense.  Many religious and non-religious people agree on certain value systems and patterns of behavior that promote the safety and continuation of a civilized society.  Some universal values have been with us for many centuries and exist in many countries and cultures.  We have all heard sayings that seem to have proven their real value.  Honesty is the best policy.  Treat others as you want to be treated.  Be a good example.  We believe that good values are the way to a satisfying life.  All these things contribute to our reality: our senses, science, history, religion, and common sense.
     Sometimes we want to believe in something that is not real. Wishful thinking and being in denial distort reality.  Some people intentionally distort or exaggerate what is real for their own benefit or to promote products, services, or political candidates.  Many TV programs label themselves as reality shows where the viewers are allowed to witness the daily lives of others or to see contrived competitions.
     What do you believe is true?  What is your reality?
   

Comfort

     Comfort is a basic goal at any age.  As we get older and experience illness, injury, surgery, rehab, and other medical treatments, we really welcome being free of pain and having the physical comfort of a healthy body.  When we experience stress and worry, we yearn to solve our problems and return to a more relaxed and comfortable life.  We also want to be financially comfortable and enjoy our retirement.  Our mental health is as important as our physical condition.
     After a hospital stay or a prolonged absence, we especially enjoy all the comforts of home: an easy chair, a relaxing couch, our own bed, plus warmth in the winter and AC in the summer.  Add to that comfortable clothes and comfort food, and life is good.
     At every age, we need to be comfortable in our own skin, to feel self-confident in our decisions and judgments, and to be less influenced by what others think.  We need to clear our conscience and forgive ourselves and others for mistakes. We can become comfortable with our appearance by not comparing ourselves with some artificial ideal, but by liking ourselves just the way we are.
     We all wish to have the comfort of companionship with family and friends who can help us through the rough spots and smooth our way to contentment.  Being able to share our lives with others adds to our comfort level.
      Being comfortable is more complicated than it seems.  We may want to broaden our comfort zone by learning and practicing new skills.  When we can ease the pain and stress of life,  we can find comfort within ourselves and with others.

Fly Solo

     When we take our first breath, we become a separate being.  Even though we are dependent on our parents for many years, we assert our independence in degrees from being a toddler saying no until being a teenager yearning for adulthood.  As we gain maturity, we become completely responsible for ourselves.  We will keep an emotional attachment with our parents, but we are a separate being alone in our decisions and actions.  We leave the nest and fly solo.
     Most of us do marry, start a family, and become part of a group.  We take comfort in having a parent or a mate love and care for us.  Frequently, however, we realize that we must care for ourselves.  As our busy responsibilities subside, we can again see that we are indeed separate.
     Many go to their religion to feel loved and protected, to be part of God's family, so we no longer have to feel separate and alone.  Comfort can come from feeling that a powerful and loving father is always available to help and guide us.  Religious or not, we need to appreciate our physical bodies, our mental abilities, and the wonderful world around us.  We need to develop inner strength and courage to face the unknown. 
     When we take our last breath, we do it alone even though family members may be nearby.  Religion again can ease this last earthly experience especially when we believe life goes on.  Some believe that we always have a co-pilot; others believe that we must fly solo. 
    

$ $ $

   

   

    Just what should our government be paying for?
     College loans?  My parents worked, saved money, and paid for my college education.  My husband worked throughout his high school and college years to pay for all his college expenses.  My husband and I worked, saved, and paid for the college education of our three daughters.  If you want your child to go to college, plan how to pay for it.  Going into debt shows you didn't plan very well.  Don't expect US taxpayers to foot the bill.
     Medical care?  Same explanation: worked, paid for insurance, contributed to Social Security and pension plans, saved for out-of-pocket expenses and retirement.  Same advice: Don't expect Uncle Sam to bail you out.
     Our government is in debt because it is providing services to many citizens who didn't take responsibility for their own lives, didn't plan, and didn't save.  Government needs to spend taxpayer money on our safety, our justice system, our environment, highways, other necessary public projects, and public education for children ages 4-18.  Government cannot afford to take over the responsibility of raising a family.  That's for mom and dad!
    

Outer and Inner

     Outer and inner influences affect the way we look at health and self-image.  When our health goals are aimed at outer appearances, we may focus on ideal weight and muscle tone.  When goals are aimed at inner health, we may focus on strong bones and muscles, organ function, blood pressure, etc.   Total health is reflected in our outer and inner condition.
     When our self-image is affected by outside opinions, we may focus on appearance, looking more youthful and sexy.  We are more prone to getting rid of the gray, reducing wrinkles, using cosmetics, and having plastic surgery.  When our self-image comes from our inner judgment, we can take pride in being our natural selves, having good values, and improving our inner beauty.
     How we appear to others is important because those impressions do matter.  How we appear to ourselves is more important.  As we put more emphasis on total health and inner beauty, we will gain self confidence and be less dependent on the judgment of others.

The Basics

     Every generation dreams of a life that meets their basic needs of food, clothing, housing, transportation, technology, education, health care, and financial stability.  Each generation also imagines a life as good as their parents provided or even becoming upwardly mobile into an improved version.  Today's generation needs to face the fact that their dreams may need to be scaled back.  They may have to be satisfied with the very basics and content to live the simple life within their means.
     Food: the majority of meals at home with the whole family sharing in food prep, less eating out, plant a garden
     Clothing: what is needed to be comfortable, not necessarily the latest in fashion and expensive brand names, less jewelry and accessories
     Housing: a comfortable bed and modest living space, not necessarily a house in the suburbs, perhaps living closer to work
     Transportation: moderately-priced cars instead of gas guzzlers, car pool, use the bus and subways/trains where possible
     Technology: just what is necessary for work, school, and communication, forgo expensive phones and techie toys
     Education: help improve your local public schools and use them, volunteer, send your kids to less expensive local colleges, have your teenagers get jobs and help pay for their schooling
     Health Care: get insurance, if possible through your employment, maintain healthy habits, avoid unhealthy substances like tobacco and junk food
     Financial Stability: always save what you can, put off purchases until you can afford them, limit credit card use, don't expect Uncle Sam to bail you out
     Dream realistically. A simple life can help you realize what is really important.  Your greatest accomplishment may be to live within your means and be happy with the basics.

The Middle

     My story is not unique.  Many middle class families have lived similar lives.  My parents had jobs and payroll taxes were deducted from their paychecks to support Social Security.  They also had health insurance and pension plans through their employers.  Throughout their lives, they bought U.S. Savings Bonds and also saved in other ways.  They bought only what they could afford without credit cards.  When my dad died at 58 years, my mom received widows' benefits.  Because of their hard work and good financial planning, they paid their own way.
     This typical story helps explain why the middle class feels that everyone should work and pay for what they need.  They feel that if someone really wants to work, they can find a job.  They don't feel the government should support people who won't work.  When the government supports the non-working, the incentive to find a job is greatly reduced, and the family grows to depend on welfare.
      Of course there is sympathy for those who temporarily receive unemployment benefits.  This sympathy does not extend to those who choose to have more children than they can afford or to those who spend many years of their lives expecting the government to foot their bills.
     We in the middle expect all Americans to have our work ethic, be responsible, and pay their own way.  

The Gift

     Give your time, talent, love, and wisdom to yourself, your family, and the world.  Give attention and care to your physical and mental health.  Discover your unique potential and increase your capabilities.  Give to yourself.
     Share what you are and what you have.  Often you will receive appreciation and reciprocation.  Your gift can become a two-way street of giving and receiving.
     Sometimes your gift may only travel one way when it is anonymous or taken for granted. Then giving will be it's own reward.
     Your gift, no matter what happens next, improves your life, adds to your accomplishments, and helps define your character.  Be sure to give yourself what you need and give others what you can.  As you give, you may also become a role model.  Be the gift that keeps on giving.

Skeptic

     We all need to be skeptics at times, to question what seems to be true.  Otherwise, we would be too gullible to judge when someone was lying, stretching the truth, or stating their opinions as facts.  We would be vulnerable to scams, false advertising, and people who have their own agendas.  We could fall prey to promises too good to be true.  Being skeptical protects us and builds confidence in our own judgment.
     Being skeptical can be uncomfortable when we begin to reflect on the big questions of life.  As we analyze our life-long opinions and beliefs, we may begin to pull away from the comfort of what our families have taught us.  We also may have to face the fact that many questions have no answers.  Sometimes our brains may just get tired and stressed at being skeptical and want to decide what is true and never have to question again.  We  can then live in peace with like-minded individuals who reinforce our beliefs.  Our beliefs and opinions then become our facts.
     Most of us are taught to distinguish between fact and opinion, to consider our sources of information, and to evaluate what others say and think.  A skeptic keeps a questioning attitude as part of the process for discovering truth.
    

Waiting Room

     Sometimes we have no choice but to sit in a waiting room until we can get into an appointment or until a loved one finishes a medical procedure.  The waiting can be a positive experience that allows us to pause, gather our thoughts, gain perspective, make plans, and practice patience.
     Other times we choose to place ourselves in a waiting room of sorts when our focus is on the future.  We all need to spend some time planning for the future, and anticipating a special event is part of the enjoyment.  Some people see their whole lives as a preparation for the great appointment in Heaven.
     A waiting room can be a physical place or a state of mind.  We do need to be cautious that while waiting for the future, we also appreciate the present.  As John Lennon's famous lyrics say: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
     

Joy

     The joy of special occasions and the joy of simple pleasures can increase our appreciation of life.  Many people find great joy in celebrating religious holidays such as Easter and Christmas.  Their faith also helps them see joy in their daily lives.  Joy also comes on our wedding day and at the birth of children and grandchildren.
     As we accomplish goals, win competitions, and go on much-needed vacations, our emotions reach a high point.  We can also feel joy when our loved ones or our special teams reach success.  Helping others be happy can increase our happiness.
     Even the simple things in life can bring joy: a beautiful sunrise or sunset, a gathering of friends or family, a hobby, a pet, music, singing, dancing, and whatever else raises your spirits.  Sometimes joy can even be found in sharing smiles as we meet others along our paths.

Kindness

     Even small children know when they are being treated with kindness.  When parents are patient and pleasant, give needed attention, and show concern for their children's happiness and welfare, children feel loved.  Sometimes kindness is hard for children to understand when parents need to say no to their children's wishes in order to guide and protect them.
     As children get older, they need to learn that not only do we appreciate kindness from others, but that we also need to show kindness to others.  The Golden Rule says that we need to treat others just as we want to be treated.  This is part of being civilized, courteous, and helpful.
     Adults learn that in a way we must take over the responsibilities that our parents had toward us while we were growing up.  We need to be patient toward ourselves and be concerned for our own welfare.  Pat yourself on the back when you do a good job.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.  Discipline  yourself when you feel too impulsive or want to take part in risky behaviors that may be dangerous.  Be kind to yourself.
     Kindness has three paths: from others to us, from us to others, and from us to ourselves.

Choice

     Many people think that abortion is murder and should be illegal.  Most of them believe that from conception the fertilized egg is a person who should be protected by law to develop for nine months into a baby.  They hold the religious belief that God implants a soul at the time of conception.  If an abortion is  performed, the woman and doctor are murderers.  Punishment may be administered to them.
     Many other people believe that the fertilized egg is a group of cells that has the potential to become a human being and is not a legal person.  They believe that religious beliefs should not determine law for all citizens but are in the realm of opinion.  Other opinions should also be considered.
     At the present time, the law gives the woman and her doctor the right to choose.  It does not give the government the right to prohibit birth control.  Some people still believe the government should force a woman to remain pregnant whether she wants to or not.
     If you believe abortion is wrong, do whatever you can to convince women to choose not to abort.  If you feel that the fertilized egg should be protected even at the woman's expense, try to make her understand your point of view.  She may not agree with your religious opinions, so you need to voice other reasons for her to continue an unwanted pregnancy.  Try to be sympathetic and understanding.  Don't label her as a murderer.  Convince her with compassion.  Don't expect the law to change so that she doesn't have a choice.
     

Hair

     Remember when Farrah Fawcett hair was so popular, and now the Jennifer Aniston look is being copied in every hair salon.  Add to that the fact that most women have altered their hair color with blond highlights or a complete dye job.
     We women need to try and understand why we favor these looks that take more time to wash, dry, and style, and are more expense with a variety of hair products, curling irons, etc.  More and more women in the media seem to have tons of hair in the newsrooms, on dramas and sit coms, and on reality shows.  Very few have short hair.  Many women seem to think they need long hair to attract men.
     At various times in history women have said, "Enough with all this hair!"  In the 1920's, women were abandoning puritanical standards, restrictive undergarments, and long hair.  The bob was in.  In the 1960's, women were entering the workforce in vast numbers, wanted to look professional, and were too busy for time-consuming hairstyles.  The shag and the pixie cuts were popular.  In the 1970's, Dorothy Hamill showed us the beauty of the wedge even when spinning on the ice. As women become more involved in sports, short hair seems more practical unless you want to become a slave to the ponytail.  Short hair can be  a relief on hot humid days of summer with time spent at the beach and in the pool.  Women should enjoy the outdoors without worrying about the breezes blowing hair in their faces.
     When women finally accept their natural beauty, their natural hair color, and practical hairstyles, they can become free instead of being slaves to their flowing locks. Go Short!
    

Enemy

     Are you an enemy of someone?  Perhaps you have disagreed with, irritated, insulted, or harmed someone.  Something in your behavior has made that person consider you as the enemy.  When you put your needs first at the expense of another person, you have become an enemy.  When you believe your values and opinions are superior and theirs are inferior or absolutely wrong, you have become an enemy.When you try to win at all costs without regard to the opposition, you have become an enemy.
     For every one's sake, we should behave in such a way that we do not become an enemy.  A first step may be to try and better understand the other person.  We might want to find out how we became their enemy.  We could try to focus on our similarities instead of our differences.  If we want to erase the enemy label, we need to become more likable.
     If being an enemy is best for you, remain that way.  If, however, we continue to believe we are absolutely right which makes the other person wrong, we may never understand the complete problem or come up with a workable solution.  Everyone wants to be heard, to be treated fairly, and feel like a winner. Most of us don't want to be perceived as the enemy.

Separation

     Many babies and toddlers suffer separation anxiety when their mothers leave.  Later on, they learn that mama is not abandoning them and will return.  Mothers also feel anxiety when they have to leave their children and cannot care for them 24/7.
     As children get older, go away to college, marry, and move away, they need to develop a healthy adult relationship with their parents.  Parents also need to respect their children as independent adults.  We need to cut the cord and untie the apron strings.  Our lives no longer revolve around each other.  We still are part of each others lives, but the dynamics have changed.
     We may miss the way it was in the past, but we need to move forward to remain healthy.  Some families still live in close proximity and share frequent time together; other families are separated and only have occasional contact.  We all need to adjust and enjoy life just the way it is.
     At every stage of life, we have to deal with separation.   Trying to overcome the anxiety and avoid undue sadness is part of being grownup.    

Misogyny

     Misogyny, the dislike of women or prejudice against women, has many causes.  Perhaps the male has always been physically stronger and proud of his power over the female, then views the female as inferior.  When religion enters the picture, God is often seen as masculine and fatherly.  In the story of creation, the male was made first, the female, second.   Then, Eve was disobedient after listening to that snake, biting that apple, and tempting Adam to do the same.  The female was supposed to be the obedient, submissive helpmate.  Many religions still do not promote equality of the sexes.
     Only in the last century have women been given the right to vote.  Only in the last few decades have women been given control over their own bodies.  Many people even want to take that control away.  They may not trust women to have the intelligence, emotional maturity, or morality to be able to choose what is right for themselves and society.
     Some people still can only envision women in two ways.  One way is the virginal or motherly image.  The opposite is (to put it in less insulting terms) the immoral woman.  Some men see women as objects to be used to satisfy their desires or as domestics to take care of home and children.  Some men seem to fear the independent, sexual female who only seems to need the male for fertilization or even worse, isn't interested in procreation.  Patriarchy could lose it's power. 
     If you want to insult a boy, call him a "sissy." If you want to insult the average male, call him a (insert insulting homosexual word.)  Men don't want to be viewed as having any of those feminine traits.  The female is seen as inferior.
     No one will admit to hating women, but misogyny often raises it's ugly head.

Two Ideas

     As children, we learn to stop, look, and listen before we cross the street.  As adults, we may need to follow this advice, look both right and left as we continue our walk through life.
     In order to fully understand an issue, we need to consider both sides of a topic, realize why someone would think differently than we do, and keep an open mind.  Some people only agree with those ideas that reinforce their way of thinking and even vilify those people who hold a different view.  If we only consider one direction, we may never understand the opposite.
     First push the stop or pause button to give yourself a chance to clear your head.  Then look and listen to the many voices around you.  Be patient with yourself and others when you feel pressure to narrow your point of view.  Often you don't have to choose one opinion over another.
     F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."