Thursday, July 24, 2014

On the Surface

     Adult, child, female, male; tall, short, fat, fit; light, dark, ethnic, race; hair, bald, eyes, mouth; smile, frown, friendly, dangerous; wrinkles, spots, piercings, tattoos; make-up, jewelry, clothes, phone; disabilities, canes, wheelchair, bandages; perfume, cologne, sweat, breath; foreign language, foreign accent, drawl, tone.
     Within a few seconds, we observe what's on the surface, make judgments, and draw conclusions that may not be correct.  Our value systems and prejudices can distort the picture. What we feel about first impressions tells us more about ourselves than about the people we observe.  Quickly judging others and comparing ourselves to them may cause us to feel superior or inferior.  By being more accepting of what we observe on the surface, we can relax and use our energies for more important issues.   We can discover so much more by going beyond skin deep, beyond what we can see, smell, and hear.      

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Missing Link


     Gaps in the evolutionary record provide a type of proof to some people that humans are a completely separate species.  Even though similarities to other species outnumber the few differences, evolution is not accepted by creationists.
     Putting the topic of evolution aside, we all need to discover how our thinking can have a missing link because we skip a step in logic.  Often, mistakes are made when we consider cause and effect.  We see a problem, evaluate the evidence, come to a conclusion, determine the cause, and imagine a solution.  Any  misstep in this process can lead to faulty thinking.  Having a prejudice can make the process more difficult.
     Listening to only one side of a story causes conclusions to be biased.   Blame or credit may be given to the wrong person.  The solution may then be to get rid of the person "causing" the problem and replacing him with someone else.  Some may wish to get rid of B and group D in favor of group T.
     Sometimes, I think the missing link is here, alive and well.
     The body may be human, but the brain is Neanderthal.
     (Apologies to N)    

Friday, July 18, 2014

The Other Guy

Why is it so difficult to understand the other guy?  Perhaps these are some of the reasons:

1)  Your backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives may be very different.  2)  Your own opinions seem beyond question.  You believe your sources of information present the truth: religious texts, scientific discoveries, family beliefs, the majority opinion of your acquaintances.  3)  Your desire to stay secure, comfortable, and loyal; you don't want to rock your boat, to upset your friends and family, or to distance yourself from social or religious groups.  4)  Your fear of losing the benefits of your beliefs.  For example, losing the presence of the Perfect Parent teaching, guiding, and protecting you and providing life after death.  Or losing hope that medical science will extend your life or that your political party can improve government.  5)  Your self confidence inhibits you from imagining you might be wrong.  6)  Your prejudice against the other guy and other opinions reinforces the idea that he is wrong and you are right.   Only believing those who agree with you adds to your bias.  7)  Your focus on perpetuating your own beliefs reduces or eliminates the time and energy you could spend on understanding others.  8)  Your dislike of compromise, agreeing to disagree, or acknowledging grey areas.  9)  Your self satisfaction in believing you are right and others are wrong.

The other guy may have the same reasons to not understand you.  When you can get beyond the obstacles to understanding each other, empathy can develop.   Maybe you will change your opinions; maybe you won't.  You will improve the definition of your own opinions by including what you believe and what you don't.  Understanding the other guy will help you understand yourself. 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Healing

     The physical body's ability to heal enables us to have a long and healthy life.  With the help of medical science, our bodies can repair and restore after illness, injuries, surgeries, and the bumps and bruises of life.  Most of the time, our bodies function and heal without our even being aware of what's going on.
     Equally amazing is our brain's ability to heal from past events, stress, worry, and unhealthy thinking.  Sometimes, psychologists and therapists can help improve our mental health.  Most of the time, we just need to be aware, sustain our healthy thoughts, and repair and heal the unhealthy.
     Our need for physical healing is often more obvious than our need to improve our emotional and mental health.  Evaluate what works to achieve goals, improve behavior, and  have satisfying relationships.  Forgive others and yourself to heal past wounds.  Develop strategies to cope with stress and reduce worries,  Eliminate  prejudices and long-held opinions that no longer seem true.   Be  open to new ideas and perspectives.  Improving the way we think and feel can lead to a better life. 
     Healing occurs in body and mind in order to restore and maintain health. Some healing will be automatic, some will need the help of professionals, and some can happen with our own efforts.
    

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Misfit

     A square peg trying to fit into a round hole either has to find a more compatible hole or change it's shape.  People either have to find a better social environment or change themselves, their attitude, perspective, behavior, or goals.
     Sometimes we try to change what we can about ourselves in order to fit in.  While being loyal to ourselves and our most important values, we can still improve, become more flexible, and compromise.  When we have done what we can and are satisfied with our adjustments, we may have to change our social environment to associate with different people.  When searching for companions and mates, both parties must fit comfortably into the relationship.  When becoming a member of a group, we want to be accepted and appreciated as we are.
     Sometimes we have to change a little; sometimes our sharp corners need to be smoothed and rounded.  Other times we must change our environment, our situation, or the people around us so we can comfortably fit in.  As we define and redefine ourselves, our shape will change somewhat.  As we place ourselves into more compatible friendships and social groups, we will not feel like a misfit.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Cultural Agenda

     We all have a vision of  how we would like our world to behave.   We even can form a cultural agenda that we feel may make improvements to our society.  Forming and describing our vision, persuading others to agree, and taking steps toward implementing change can help society get closer to our own vision.
     Some say the left has an agenda of promoting government support of marriage and reproductive rights based on individual freedom.    Some say the right has an agenda of defining and limiting choices based in part on religious beliefs.  When describing a vision, we need to explain the advantages and reasons behind our opinions before we attack the opposite viewpoint.  We need to find ways to persuade the general population to agree with us instead of degrading those who disagree.  We won't get very far if we only speak to those who already agree with us.  We need to carefully listen to and respect those who disagree in order to change their minds.
     Most citizens would agree that we have the best form of government even though we may not agree with the way our government is behaving at the present time.  Democracy thrives when all points of view are considered while individual rights are protected.  When you have a cultural agenda, you need to present your viewpoint, find ways to sustain what you think is right, and implement any changes you think are necessary.