A baby is the center of the family circle. The parents surround the child. The child often leaves the home for college and marriage, starts a new family, a new circle, and in time a new baby. Parents become grandparents, a step farther away from the center, a part of the perimeter. As long as the grandma and grandpa have each other, they still have their circle. When a spouse dies, the remaining grandparent exists on the perimeter alone.
Only widows and widowers can fully understand this position in the family circle. In our American culture, independence is valued as a desired goal. We should be able to take care of ourselves by ourselves as long as possible. Some seniors choose to live alone in their own homes. Some begin to live in multigenerational homes with children, parents, and grandparent. Others have adopted a new lifestyle residing with their own peer group in 55+ apartments, independent living facilities with many amenities. Couples, widowers, and primarily widows learn to live together without the responsibility of a house.
Sometimes we feel just outside the family circle but are so thankful when we are included in family gatherings. From childhood to adulthood to parenthood and grandparenthood to living alone, we need to redesign our lives as we shift from being within a family circle to being just outside the circle on the perimeter.
