Crazy Rich Asians

   
     Nature gives us our parents, our ancestors, our gender, skin tone, hair color and texture, and facial features.  At birth, we become part of a group: friends, society, and country of origin.  Our family's economic situation and status add more to our identity.  Then nurture gives us language, traditions, and values.
     In "Crazy Rich Asians," author Kevin Kwan's characters happen to be Asian but have different levels of wealth and different parenting.  Nicholas Young was born into a very rich family with great status going back many generations.  Rachel Chu was born into a family of more modest means and knows only a part of her ancestry.  Both are educated, leading successful lives in America, and are "almost engaged" to each other.
     At the start of the novel is the family tree of Nicholas which shows the multiple generations.  As the story progresses, these characters come to life, revealing much in common but with many differences.  When Nicholas takes Rachel to visit his extended family in Singapore, she experiences serious culture shock because he gave her no advanced preparation of what to expect.  As she meets the family, she witnesses their crazy rich lifestyle, traditions, and behaviors.
     We "modern" Americans, as do other cultures around the world, believe that our own lives make the most sense and find it difficult to understand "others."  As we broaden our experience, we can better understand a different way of life but usually still prefer our own.

Giving Opinions

   
     Many comments are spontaneous and fly out of our mouth without our contemplating and imagining the consequences.  This is normal.  Some comments, however, would be more effective if we took at least a few moments to put them through a filter.  Do our words have good intentions or are they just a way to blast out our own thoughts?  As we share our opinions, do we only want to hear agreement, or do we honor the listener and welcome their reply, perhaps in opposition?
     Many people overvalue their own opinions, dismiss differing opinions, and therefore become narrow-minded.  They make up their mind and don't allow the possibility of altering or improving their stance.  When we open our mind and broaden our thinking, we can have a better understanding of the range of views.
    In a one-on-one conversation with a family member or friend, we first need to consider the purpose of our words.  Are we presenting our idea as just one of many possibilities or do we assume we are right?  Parents of adult children should keep in mind that we are speaking with an adult who has the right and freedom to design their own life.  Of course, if they are damaging themselves physically or mentally, we do need to be persistent and plan an effective course.  Whatever the topic, we should include the reasons we think the way we do.
   In presenting our opinions to the public, we need to consider the same process whether in speaking or writing.  We may use our own words or share opinions from other sources.  As you give your opinions, please be respectful.

Amorality

     Many believe that religion defines morality.  A power above humans has determined the should and should not.  Others believe that the human race formed their own standards which change and evolve.  Some believe in a universal morality that goes beyond any particular religion or culture which values empathy and conscience.  Animals behave from instinct and have their own standards of caring for the young, cooperation, and sharing the spoils of the hunt.  Survival is the goal.
     Right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or not, we decide standards for ourselves and others.  Amorality occurs when decisions or actions are brought about by a selfish pursuit of personal goals, a promotion of self above anything or anyone else.  Even universal standards don't influence amoral behavior.
      Survival is the first instinct in nature which includes human beings.  We like to think we are at least one step above the animals, but do we care for others, cooperate, and share?  Perhaps some people are more like male animals, bullying, fighting for dominance, and wanting to control the group.  Of course, leadership is necessary in any society, but to be truly effective, a leader must have empathy and a conscience. 

A New Normal

     Many months have passed since I wrote my last blog.  Life has presented many "challenges" which have temporarily taken away my desire to write.  A new phase of life, a new normal is beginning to take place.  "Grownup Thoughts" is a way for me to get back that part of myself that wants to connect with a broader world.
     In addition to talking, writing is a way to express yourself.  You may have been thinking about and talking about about a subject for a long time before writing.  With writing, you have the time to contemplate, edit, and compose a product before sending your message.
     Each day adds to your storehouse of memories, emotions, and opinions.  Each day can  influence, change, and improve (or not) what goes on in your head.  When the body is consumed with dealing with the present,  your world can become narrowed temporarily.  Accepting disappointments and losses is part of designing a new normal.  Sometimes, we have to think back and realize we may have been wounded and have to heal and restore what makes us feel more complete.
     Just as speaking and listening form a partnership, writing and reading require at least two people.  I welcome feedback and comments.