Time

   
     Every new year, every birthday, even every day can be a new beginning.
     First, appreciate the present, the way things are now, the way you look, the way you feel, and the way you think.  Count your blessings and feel contentment.
     Second, be proud of your past, but don't idealize it and wish to turn back the clock.  Learn from your experiences.  If need be, forgive yourself and others.
     Third, plan your future.  Set realistic goals, keep optimistic, and go for it.  Save plenty of time for yourself to rest, relax, read a book, watch TV, and rejuvenate.  Many obstacles can get in the way of your plans like health problems, loss of loved ones, and occasionally depression, but realize that with the passage of time, wisdom will come.
     I'm sure you have heard, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but live it like it might be your last."  As best as you can, try to improve your own life and the lives of those around you.  Enjoy the time you have. 
     Happy New Year!

Reconnect

    
     Some people do it with Christmas cards and annual letters often including updated family photos.  Some reconnect with an email or a  phone call.  Whatever the method, someone is thinking of you and wants to stay connected even if only once a year.
     Disconnect can happen when we  move away from home, family, friends, and classmates.  Some families relocate many times leaving friends behind perhaps never to see again.  Disagreements and estrangements can also cause a disconnect.
     One wish I have for you this Christmas season is that you continue or resume contact one way or another with family and friends.  Show them that they are remembered and that you care and want to reconnect.

Scan and Update

Scan what comes into your life.  What you see, hear, read, and experience can be a positive or negative influence to your thinking.
Edit what goes out into the world.  What you say, write, create, and do should be good  for you and others.
Reply and share to promote communication.
Empty the trash: prejudice, grudges, revenge, negativity, excessive stress.
Fill the calendar with goals and ways to accomplish them.
Update occasionally to get rid of what doesn't work and replace with improved thinking.

Adolescence

     We have all gone through adolescence, that period of growing up and becoming an adult which seems to be complete after the teenage years; however, a second adolescence can occur at a much older age.  Our bodies have been adult for many years, but our thinking continues to develop as we  experience the various stages of life.  Just like teenagers, we may go through questioning and even rebelling against the authorities in our lives.  We can evaluate all the influences of parents, peers, religion, politics, and society in general.  Maturity is not accomplished by just experiencing our teenage adolescence.
     As we get older, we often tire of thinking about alternate opinions and desire the comfort of having our minds made up about important issues.  We often realize that we may never have the answers to all of  the questions or understand the many mysteries of life.  Our opinions, however, are as important and valid as any others.  While valuing the thoughts of others, we need to value most our own unique grownup thoughts.

Act - Don't React

     Everyone has a good idea of how they want to behave based on their values and common sense; however, how we should act is sometimes derailed by reacting in a way that lowers our standards.  When some one's actions make us feel criticized or insulted, we need to first remember the person may just have another point of view, may not be thinking straight, or may be displaying exaggerated emotions.  This "bad" behavior from another person may make us defensive, and while trying to protect ourselves or show we disagree, we might react in a way that helps us let off steam but may actually cause a fight not even worthy of the original action.  Some people may feel the hurtful act deserves punishment in words or with the silent treatment.  This can just prolong and even exaggerate the situation.
     A better strategy may be just to take a deep relaxing breath, leave the room, compose yourself, and temporarily ignore the behavior.  This doesn't mean you are being a doormat but are just trying to postpone a reaction.  When tempers cool, the behavior in question can be discussed.  Don't let bad behavior from others cause you to behave in a similar or worse manner.  Don't react when it is better to act as your best self.  Remain grownup.

Gifts

     
     "The best things in life are free" like the love from a parent or child, the kindness of strangers, and nature's beauty and bounty.  Appreciating these gifts makes us less likely to want all the expensive things like the latest technology, high price tag clothes, jewelry, and toys, and the multitude of luxuries we confuse with necessities.  The cost of these gifts includes your time, energy, and money.  Try to avoid the pressure to shop until you drop.  Please give the most valuable gifts this season and all year long, the gifts of your love, time, and talent, and as our children enjoy getting gifts, be sure that they learn the greater joy of giving.
    
      

Resist

     We all know we should resist unhealthy choices and unwise financial decisions.  Overindulgence in what we take into our bodies and overspending beyond our means can cause big problems.  We need to strengthen our resolve to do what is right for ourselves and our families.  Temptation seems to increase this time of year as part of Christmas celebrations.  Advertising aimed at adults and children, store decorations, music, and "sales," all put on the pressure to buy happiness.
     We all want Santa to bring our kids new toys, but we need to help children realize that happiness is not measured by how much is under the Christmas tree.  Adults need to consider that giving and getting gifts may be a part of tradition that needs to be reevaluated.
     Realize the holiday pressure for what it is.  Merchants want your money whether you can afford it or not.  Show your love and joy in a responsible way.  Resist the temptation to buy happiness. 
    

Appreciation

  
     When people treat you well, you should be aware and thank them.  From saying "thank you" as a part of good manners to showing others we appreciate what they have done for us, we need to give thanks.
     To parents who showed us love, attention, and  good values, we need to give thanks.
     To other family members who give us affection and support, we need to give thanks.
     To friends who provide companionship and understanding, we need to give thanks.
     To teachers, scout leaders, and coaches who helped us learn, we need to give thanks.
     To doctors, dentists, nurses, and therapists who help keep us healthy, we need to give thanks.
     To community workers, librarians, police, and good politicians, we need to give thanks.
     Notice all the good others have done to benefit our lives and let them know how much they are appreciated.  This is the true spirit of giving thanks.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING !
   

High

     Often our spirits can take a dip because of exhaustion, stress, and unfortunate events.  A little pick-me-up can temporarily raise our spirits to a normal level: caffeine in the morning, a glass of wine at night, and a little sugar from the kitchen or in the bedroom. We can exercise, talk to a friend, play with a pet, or pursue a hobby. Unfortunately, moods can also be altered with nicotine, drugs, alcohol, and dangerous behaviors like overeating and gambling.  Addictions can take over lives.  We need to understand why we use certain substances and behaviors to feel good.
     Perhaps we don't appreciate our day-to-day lives, our healthy bodies, and the companionship of the people in our lives.  The simple pleasures of an ordinary life can often be taken for granted.  We sometimes crave a little excitement, something beyond the norm.  We feel a need to amp up our happiness and "get high."  If we could only set our brains to be up-beat, train ourselves to be satisfied and happy, and get pleasure from making others happy, maybe we could create and sustain a natural high. 
 

Nanny State

     Governments need to pass laws to protect and control the welfare of its citizens, but at times it can become excessive, almost like a nanny treats children.  The assumption is that human beings don't always have the mental or emotional capacity to control themselves or do what is in their best interests and in the best interests of the group.  They are not responsible enough, don't think of the consequences of their behavior, and need regulation to prevent unhealthy and unsafe behaviors.
     Some religions go one step further and say we have original sin and may naturally make bad decisions and have bad behavior if left on our own.  We need a supernatural father figure to help guide us to do the right thing.
     Giving up some of our freedom for the good of society may be necessary; however, we need to be careful about taking away the civil rights of others before considering the reasons and consequences.   Having a kind and protective nanny may be necessary for immature children, but wanting our government to alter basic civil rights based on religious beliefs is not what grownups need.

Cost of a Child

     Young couples who discuss whether or not to have a family or how many children they want, need to be realistic about the financial costs.  New statistics show that the average cost to raise a child from birth through 17 is over $200,000.  If the child then goes to a public in-state university, the average cost of tuition and fees right now is $8,000 a year plus thousands more for housing, food, books, and other necessities.  The average cost for four years right now is well above $50,000.  This amount will increase as years go by.  Parents who dream about scholarships and loans, may face a nightmare when they realize the actual cost of their child's education.
     Couples who already have children can plan and save but still might not have enough to cover the costs.  Ways to pay for college can include: (1) Have the teenager work and save during high school and college to help pay the bills. (2) Have the student attend college close by and live at home.
     A child is very expensive.  Wise couples will limit the number of children they have to what they can afford.  If they want the child to attend college,  the teenager needs to know about the costs and ways to help with expenses if necessary.        

Childish

     We expect a child to be childish: self-absorbed, impulsive, and out of control at times.  A child's body and brain develop in stages until maturity.  Even teenagers haven't completed all the developmental stages until they reach their mid-twenties.   At that time, society expects grownup behavior.  Education and experience should help individuals to (1) realize they aren't the center of the world, (2) develop behaviors that help accomplish goals, (3) control their emotions, and (4) get along with all sorts of people in a variety of situations.
     After many years, grownups should have the wisdom to see the whole picture, not just the view from their own backyards.  They should be able to understand different points of view and realize everyone has shortcomings including themselves.  They should have empathy toward others.
     Unfortunately, we all fall short at one time or another of being completely grownup.  We may (1) get angry and lose our tempers or pout, (2) expect everyone else to adapt to us, (3) only see our own side of things, and (4) want our own way at the detriment of what is best for everyone involved.
     When you realize you are being childish, admit it first to yourself and then to those around you.  The next step would be to see if you can control the "child" and see the advantages of being a grownup.

Cattle

     Packs, herds, and migrating birds, all group together to sustain their way of life.  We also join groups of like-minded people to satisfy our needs of survival.  Belonging keeps us from feeling lonely and isolated.  Political parties, church congregations, social clubs, and families give us companionship and comfort, promote values and philosophies, and help us reach goals that cannot be accomplished alone.
     Advertisers do research so they can promote their products, services, and candidates to target groups who will buy their messages and support their brands.  We are continually manipulated to agree, join, vote, and spend money.  Many groups use the calendar of seasons and holidays to keep us in the fold, promote loyalty, and sustain a message or product.
     This pressure to do what other people want us to do can make us feel like cattle.  The cowboys are in charge leading the manipulated animals, sometimes for the good of the herd, but other times for the good of the owners.
     Recognizing and resisting manipulation, refusing to buy, or leaving a group can be difficult, but when you begin to feel like cattle, being led by a ring in your nose, being prodded to benefit the group, you may need to give up the safety and comfort of membership in order to remain a unique individual.
 

Scary

     Halloween is a time for having fun at being scared with haunted houses, scary lawn decor, plus costumes of ghosts, zombies, witches, and vampires,   Grownups even get into the act of enjoying this night of imaginary fears.
     Almost everyone has the natural fear of dangerous creatures, while some even believe in ghosts, devils, and other supernatural forces.  Other dangerous situations from natural disasters to criminals and terrorists out to do us harm cause us to feel very uneasy about our safety.
     Fear can actually protect us, make us careful, and help us avoid dangerous situations.  Many dangers, however, are out of our control.  Accidents happens, illnesses occur, and death comes to all.  Hopefully we have the courage and stamina to handle the really scary stuff.

Common Sense

     Common sense helps us to live in a safe and reasonable way.  Most grownups have enough common sense to live in a safe way, but being reasonable is often distorted by emotions.  Sometimes it is easier to see how others are being unreasonable than to judge our own behavior.
     Common sense should be a guide to productive behavior and help us to accomplish our goals.  It should also helps us with relationships.  If an estrangement has occurred, we need to question if our behavior is blocking our common sense which can lead us beyond emotion toward forgiveness and reconciliation.

Magic

     Everyone likes to feel a little magic in their lives.  When something good happens that seems surprising or even supernatural,  people feel happiness and hope.
     Many religious groups accept the miracles described in holy scriptures and have faith that God will protect and aid them even going beyond the laws of nature.  Communicating with the spiritual realm gives hope that God will grant requests.  Having eternal life after death would be the biggest miracle of all.
     Non-religious persons may also hope that they and others can bypass the many pains of life and experience the magic of a healthy body, of love and friendship, and of  babies entering the world.  Even witnessing a seed forming into a healthy plant can cause appreciation of the magic of the universe.  Most of these occurrences can be explained by the laws of nature, but they still remain very magical.   

Mind Change

     When was the last time you changed your mind?  Not about something minor like what to wear, eat, or watch on TV, but about something major.  For some reason, you have a major shift in what you believe.
     Perhaps you have had a disagreement with someone close or feel the person has mistreated you.  At first you may have hurt feelings or anger, stop communicating, and distance yourself from them.  Then as time passes and tempers cool, you may realize that mending the relationship is more important than who was right and who was wrong.
     Maybe you have always been a member of the same political party, but recently that party doesn't seem to be going in the direction that you approve of.  Your chosen candidate may be more important than the particular party.
     You may have always belonged to the same church but are beginning to feel church attendance doesn't seem as important anymore.   Staying home on Sundays may be difficult, but may be a step you have to take.
     Changing your mind doesn't mean you can't change it again.  Some opinions will remain with us for a lifetime while other opinions will change.    

Religion and Politics

     Many voters are more comfortable supporting candidates of their same religion.  Confidence comes when we have faith that the politician has the same values and morals that we have.  When a politician's religion is different than ours, we may become wary that the other religion strays from our opinions on certain issues.  When a candidate feels his religious faith or lack thereof is a private issue, voters sometimes may be confused about the person's value system.   Admitting that the phrases "in God we trust" and "one nation under God" do not conform with their beliefs would be the kiss of death to politicians no matter how qualified they would be to hold office.
     I remember when voters wondered if John F. Kennedy would give allegiance to the Pope and his stance on political issues.  We have since learned that the Catholic value system was not always uppermost in his mind when JFK made some of his "moral" decisions.
     Just because a candidate has your same faith shouldn't be the only reason to  give your support.  In some instances, politicians seem to use their religion to gain the voter's confidence  They also want you to have less confidence in the candidate from another religion.   Please support the candidate that you think will do the best job for all Americans.
    

Worst Enemy/Best Friend

     What does a best friend do? empathizes, appreciates, nurtures, listens, and encourages.  A good friend broadens our perspective, helps with our goals, takes pride in our accomplishments, lessens our stress, and brightens our outlook.
     How do we become our own worst enemy?  ignore our health and inner voice, limit our potential, set unrealistic goals, lose our focus and perspective, and let stress build up and negativity creep in.
     We all need to guard against becoming our own worst enemy and strive to be our own best friend.

Plan B

     I have been trying to introduce my young granddaughter to Plan B.  She gets frustrated, as children often do, when her Plan A isn't successful.  I don't know at what age we are able to see the advantages of being able to switch to Plan B.
     Even as adults, we don't want to leave Plan A as long as our determination and various methods of implementation can produce success, but if all fails, staying in a state of frustration only prolongs switching gears.  Experience has taught us the advantages of having more than one plan in mind.  We can continue our effectiveness with less frustration when we are able to adjust to Plan B.

Autumn

     In the spring, we bloom and are nurtured by our families.  In the summer, through heat and hurricanes, droughts and downpours, we continue to grow and are busy at work.  We produce the seeds of the next generation.
     In the autumn, we have matured.  Our years as a child and parent have completed a cycle.  The cooler, calmer days create the most colorful views.  We can share our perspective and wisdom gained through experiencing many seasons.  Before winter sets in, we have the opportunity to enjoy the glory of autumn.

Insults

     Some insults are intentional and made out of anger.  Other acts or remarks, not intended to be insulting, can be taken that way.  When we perceive someone's remarks as insulting, we are implying that they are wrong and that we are the victim of unfair judgment.  Our response can register from just feeling minor annoyance to the extreme of feeling abused and slandered.
     If you have ever unintentionally insulted someone, you may wonder why they got the wrong impression.  Perhaps your actions or choice of words were misunderstood.  Or perhaps the person feels defensive, trying to make you feel guilty, and expects an apology.
     No one wants to be misunderstood or feel unfairly criticized.  We should be able to take another person's remarks with the spirit in which they were intended.  We don't have to label them in our mind as insults but realize they may just be the other person's point of view.

Another Point of View

     First, understanding our own point of view is difficult.  We experience life through our own value systems and emotions and have confidence that our own opinions are correct.
     Second, understanding another point of view is very difficult.  We must really want to do this before we can be successful.  We have to temporarily set aside our own view and judgment to be able to see through the eyes or walk in the shoes of someone else.
     Finally, understanding another point of view doesn't mean we have to alter our own.  It can help us clarify our thinking and hopefully improve our ability to get along with others.  It can help us understand the bigger picture.  Seeing another point of view is part of grownup thinking.

Forgiving

     The Lord's Prayer says, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."  Christians believe that God can forgive everyone everything, so why is it so hard for us to follow His example and forgive others?  I'm not usually one to quote the Bible, but  common sense shows the benefits of forgiving and being forgiven.  I'm not talking about criminal behavior but about everyday happenings among ordinary people. Our emotions can get the upper hand, and we can get our feelings hurt.  We find it easier to judge the mistakes of other people than realize our own.  Our emotional state and our judgmental nature make forgiving difficult.  When we don't forgive, it hurts others and ourselves. We can't change the past, but we can try to forgive and forget, and move forward.

Weeds

     Weeds are part of nature just like flowers and vegetables, but we see them as unplanned, unwanted, unattractive, and bothersome.  They seem so persistent and reappear even with our best efforts of control.
     Other types of weeds pop up and distract us from the beauty of life.  We try to plan and be ready for what happens within ourselves and between ourselves and others, but much is beyond our control.  Weeds happen.  If only we could pull them out and discard them from our memory, we would get a better view of our beautiful garden.

Personal Economics

 1.  Get an education and training while you are young to qualify for employment.
 2.  Add experience and continue to update your skills.
 3.  Increase your flexibility to qualify for more than one kind of work.
 4.  Save and invest part of your salary.
 5.  Get health insurance and participate in a pension plan through your employer or independently.
 6.  Only have children when you can afford them.
 7.  Live simply and be frugal until you can afford more.
 8.  Realize that the cost of almost everything will increase.
 9.  Only go into debt when absolutely necessary.
10.  Be independent.  Don't expect someone else or the government to solve your economic problems.

Labor Day

     Labor is usually thought of as work done for monetary compensation.  We all appreciate people who work for a living so their families are supplied with basic needs.  Most people want to work, hopefully at something that is satisfying, but if not, at something that pays the bills and creates a feeling of accomplishment of earning your own way. No one wants to be unemployed, worrying about the bills stacking up.
     Another type of labor is not compensated with wages but is a labor for life.  Everyone has a mother who went through pregnancy, labor, and childbirth, and then cared for us during our early years.  Today many mothers go through both kinds of labor, one that creates a child and one that provides a paycheck.  Fathers also labor at work and at home.
     Thank you for all the work you do especially for the labors of love.  Here's hoping the unemployed will soon obtain work and have more to celebrate next Labor Day.

Rain

     Rain is a natural phenomenon that only becomes dangerous when the human element is added.  We label it good when it comes to our gardens, farms, and parched landscapes.  We sometimes label it bad when we have chosen to live in flood-prone areas like along the coast or near rivers and especially in areas like New Orleans, built below sea level, protected by levies and pump systems that remove water from our streets, neighborhoods, and canals.  We like rain until too much comes in a short period of time.
     All weather is part of nature whether we like it or not.  The earth and universe existed way before we began to walk around.  Nature can be very dangerous and life-threatening to us, but we need to appreciate the total picture, not just the one we view from our own civilized part of the world.

"Everything happens..."

You often hear "Everything happens for a reason," but this is not a grownup thought.  What we label as good or bad happens because of the laws of nature.  Natural disasters, accidents from human error and mechanical malfunction, birth defects, and criminal and immoral behavior, all have a cause but are not part of a master plan.   Bad things do not happen in order for us to learn lessons, although lessons may be learned.  We have to learn to live with the unexplained and the unknown.  Everything that happens has a cause but not a reason.

Out of Control?

     Grownups want to be able to control themselves as much as possible, but even with a healthy lifestyle, our bodies at times get sick, weaken, and continue to age.    Hopefully we recover from illness,  maintain physical health, and adjust to the effects of aging.
     Controlling our emotional state is another facet of being grownup.  Personality and temperament may sometimes limit this control, but we can learn to curb impulses, temper, and other immature behaviors.  Often we see others being self-centered, rude, and having temper outbursts that some people explain away as sensitivity or passion or that someone else is to blame for eliciting the behavior.  When we ourselves start to lose emotional control, we need to put things into perspective and express ourselves in a grownup manner so that our feelings are addressed but don't overpower good sense.

Behavior

Grownup thoughts should lead to grownup behavior.
1. Do what is best for yourself.
2. Consider the welfare of others.
3. Plan and prepare for the future.
4. Be thankful to others for their help.
5. Realize that imperfection is normal.
6. Forgive yourself and others for mistakes.
7. Be flexible when the unexpected happens.
8. Live a healthy life.

 

Grownup Thoughts

     Grownup is a positive word that doesn't have the sometimes negative connotations of adult, mature, or senior.  A grownup has to have lived a certain number of years, experienced various stages of life, and hopefully gained perspective and wisdom along the way.  To be truly grownup, you have to have a realistic understanding of your parents and other family members, appreciate their good points, and weigh the influence you wish them to have on your adult life.  Sometimes you begin with your parents' values and opinions and then grow beyond them into your own identity.  This process doesn't diminish your parents but allows you to develop into a thoughtful adult.  Throughout life, a grownup has to recognize peer pressure and when necessary develop the ability to go against the group expectations.  Lastly, one of the most important influences that a grownup has to evaluate is regarding the religion of the family, peers, and culture.  Deciding which religion to follow or whether or not to be religious requires the most grownup thoughts of all.