Consider what you talk about and why plus what portion of your time is spent on certain topics. Much talk is about the present and planning for the immediate future. Think about how often you refer to the past, comparing it to the present. In a conversation, try to learn about the other person as much as you talk about yourself.
Talk and listen. Learn how to help yourself and others through good conversation.
We may tell ourselves: I should be able to do this by myself. I'm embarrassed to reveal my problem. I don't want to burden anyone. Procrastination may make things worse.
Part of love is helping each other, to give and take. If we ignore our problems or just try to endure the consequences, we are missing the chance to share our lives with others and deepen our relationships.
Various messages we give ourselves may delay our decision to help: It's none of my business, They may consider it interference, Our relationship will suffer. When we listen to these excuses, time may make the behavior even worse.
Part of love is wanting a good life for others. When we see a problem and ignore it, we are missing a chance to show our love.
Making others feel comfortable around us is the first step to friendship. Have balanced conversations, enjoy each others company, learn about tech other, and invite them into our homes. Making our home comfortable to guests is the second step to friendship. Of course, our home and furnishings must function well and make us feel comfortable. Then our guests should feel comfortable and learn more about us as our home reflects our values, personalities, and hobbies. It often contains reminders of our past but should have room for the future.
Just as we get first impressions of a person when we first meet them, we get first impressions of a person's home when we first visit. Put out the welcome mat and make your guests feel comfortable.
Don't stubbornly cling to outmoded or ineffective opinions and behaviors. Think out of the box, keep an open mind, and consider other options. Discover the reasons you agree or disagree and weigh the benefits or drawbacks of change.
To help your thinking, talk with trusted friends. Be brave to change or not to change. Choose your own path.
Look at your living space. Think how much of that space is taken up by stuff and how nice it might be if that extra stuff were donated to someone else. Some people become hoarders; their actual living space is crowded with unnecessary stuff perhaps for sentimental reasons; the stuff reminds them of special people or special times in their lives. Some people just like to collect things as a hobby. Of course, photographs and other special mementoes need to be kept as part of our history for future generations.
Look at your living space agin and try to imagine what visitors may see, what is on display. Perhaps your space is devoted to the past instead of leaving room for the present and future. Sometimes just more open space can be soothing for you and others, less claustrophobic.
Look at your living space once more. If you live alone and expect to stay that way, change may not be necessary, but if another person is residing with you, they also need a comfort zone.
Decide what is really essential for your present and future happiness. Think about why you need so much stuff. How much is too much?
This time around is different. Your children from your marriage are grown and perhaps have children of their own. You may be retired and have finished your careers. This may be a big surprise and takes time to develop. One person may speed ahead with high hopes while the other may be hesitant and shy. But if all works out well, this second time around may be one of the best surprises of your lives.
Our major in college, our traditional behavior, our style of marriage, our tendency to live mostly in the present, plus many other major decisions we made throughout life. We think we did our best with what we had and with what our culture expected.
We now live in another day; we can pause and concentrate on the present while considering the future: staying healthy, helping family and friends, remaining curious, and continuing to develop our talents. We no longer have to follow the path suggested by our parents or our culture. We can make our own road.
How you spend your money, time, and energy can be risky business. Your goals may be to increase your income through investments, grow your talents through time spent in lessons and practice, and put trust in others to become your friend or mate. Making the right decisions can be risky business.
Notice the many pharmaceutical ads on TV. Viewers see happy people enjoying life because they are using a particular medication. Solve your problem with a pill or injection. Other ads show over-the-counter products that promise to help cure many "problems." Movies show partying means alcohol pot, and other substances. Gummies seem like fun.
Substances taken into our bodies like tobacco, alcohol, and drugs have been popular at various times in history. Realize what your body really needs and stay away from dangerous products.
Our culture used to promote smoking until the public finally realized the danger to health. No amount of tobacco or alcohol is healthy, but the public still clings to the idea that alcohol use is socially acceptable, a normal way to relax and have fun.
Whitaker lists many effects of drinking alcohol: disrupts sleep, fuels anxiety, impedes detoxification, causes weight gain, interferes with weight loss, causes facial redness and broken capillaries, messes up the brain, raises blood sugar, disrupts hormone function, linked to seven different cancers, causes premature aging, and destroys bacteria in the digestive system. She goes into more explanation in her book.
Some will become "heavy drinkers" defined as women drinking more than 8 drinks a week and men drinking more than 15 per week. Drinkers may like the temporary effects of alcohol, but there are no long-term benefits. In addition, habits form and addiction can develop.
I have never been a drinker but an observer of our culture. Holly Whitaker helps readers understand her past lifestyle with alcohol and how she found methods to quit and ways to live and have fun without alcohol. You can choose to not drink.
Happenings outside ourselves are usually out of our control. How we handle these setbacks may drain our enthusiasm. Hangups within ourselves can come from our ego, rigid value systems, false information, anxiety, boredom, and impatience. We do have some control over these conditions.
Setbacks or hangups, free yourselves from gumption traps.
When you are busy doing something, remember to set aside some time to relax and refresh by doing nothing.
As inhabitants of Earth, we need to take care of our home as it holds us close, provides the soil, plants, and fellow creatures plus the water and air, all essential for survival. We are responsible to care for our home.
You may want to hide yourself from thinking about and discussing certain topics. Also what you choose to read may only reinforce what you already know and believe. The more you hide or avoid discussing your opinions, the less you will learn about your own thoughts and the opinions of others.
Some people hide so much from themselves that they block the truth.
Some foods and drinks are just for fun, not because we are hungry or thirsty. Aside from getting good nutrition, we can alter our mood through what we ingest, perhaps in childhood with sugar: Birthday cake, Valentine hearts, Easter candy, Halloween treats, Christmas cookies and candy canes. Then chocolate which has caffeine, and as we get older, more caffeine with coffee, tea, and some soft drinks. Nicotine is another substance. Beer, wine, and alcohol add to the list.
Today, sone people go for marijuana and even illegal drugs to alter their mood. Over-the-counter and prescription drugs may be misused.
Many people seem to need to use substances to sweeten their lives. Good questions to ask: why, what to do without them, and how to improve our moods with the good stuff like healthy food and drink or other activities that can create joy or calm stress for ourselves and others. Of course, in moderation, we can enjoy sweet treats.
Some cultures down through time have envisioned supernatural goddesses, but most religions of today don't have these images. Societies mostly powered by men have placed females into a more secondary or subservient role; however, we do have Mother Nature. She provides all our earthly needs. We survive because of her.
When we have or have had the love of our mother, we understand unconditional love. As we become mothers, we continue the cycle of life.
When we see, hear, and read something, we need to think about the source and if it is trustworthy. We hope that we can trust messages from parents, family, and close friends. We want to trust our favorite leaders and politicians. The responsibility is ours to think and decide how to protect ourselves.
Get away from it all: regular routine, home, job, responsibilities. Maybe to a different location, new activities, more relaxation, fun and adventure. Take a VACATION!
This location is in Mexico with perfect weather. New activities included water exercise and Zumba in the pool, dance lessons with Mexican instructors, Spanish lessons, evening music and shows, consuming all kinds of food, time at the beach, meeting new people.
The best part was spending time with family.
You may choose a different location, activities, and fun. Or some do a staycation at home by temporarily deleting job responsibilities, adding more rest and relaxation, visiting interesting places nearby, and having more fun.
Easy to tolerate a person who is just like you, same background, opinions, and behaviors. However, a person of a different ethnic group, native country, religion, political opinions, or types of behavior may stretch your tolerance level. Anyone can say, "Live and let live, as long as you're not hurting anyone." But then we may have subconscious bias, stereotyping, prejudice, and misinformation lurking in our brain that we need to address before tolerance can be real.
Diversity in our schools, neighborhoods, workplaces, and what we see and hear in the media can obviously improve our understanding and tolerance of those that are different than we are. Focusing on our similarities can make the differences less important.
Our democracy gives us many freedoms and limits certain behaviors not tolerated and even punished. By our votes, we can influence the law. Citizens have various opinions but the majority rules. Religions also promote what they think should and should not be tolerated. Other interest groups try to persuade us to think about issues.
You don't have to agree with people to tolerate them, but just respect them to have their own opinions. Be sure you really think about what and why you have some things you will not tolerate.
Sometimes we wait for our family to volunteer or offer an invitation. We don't want to impose or ask for something they may not want to give. We often let them design our relationship. They may think they know what is best for us.
This is when you need to advocate for yourself. Try to help them understand what your life is like, what you need physically and emotionally. Our culture promotes providing for yourself, being as independent as possible. Sometimes, however, we need the connection to our loved ones. We want to be part of each others lives, to receive and give help. Our culture also sees the traditional family, mom, dad, and the kids living together as the best combination. The multigenerational family doesn't seem the ideal.
Being a self-advocate may seem selfish or self-centered, but we need to be responsible for taking care of ourselves which includes realizing what we need from others and letting them know.
