"A Place For Us"

   
     In Fatima Farheen Mirza's "A Place For Us," a young husband and wife born and raised in India move to America and have two daughters and a son.  Along with the typical challenges of most families, they also try to keep the culture, traditions, and behavioral norms associated with being Muslim.  They often experience the difficulties of assimilation and being a minority of a different race and religion.
     The children "were told not to question the way God worked, not to think too much into it.  That it was a mystery."  The daughters were taught: "Modesty - the highest value a woman can embody, and the most crucial.  Without it, a woman is nothing."  "It is up to the girls to do what they can to protect the boys from sin."  As the eldest daughter Hadia begins to grow up, "She knows her father.  His pride, his values, his adherence to religious rules.  They are more important than love."   She "became  more aware of her choices, of what was important for her to keep and what had just been an inherited, unexamined habit."
     The son Amar "detests, most of all, the importance placed on maintaining a sense of decorum that feels stifling, false."  He realizes "his sisters never experience the doubts he was feeling, that they never shake in the certainty of being Muslim."
     The father Rafiq believed, "I had laid the foundation of our family on the principles of our faith and our customs.  I had set standards for what we expect of each of you."  Later in life, he realized, "Anger was my worst attribute."  "I have no duty toward them except loving them."
     Most parents of every religion try to instill their values upon their children, but their insistence upon their way can cause many problems.  Some children will continue in the ways of their parents perhaps with small alterations.  Other children will adopt their own way.  If parents have a home that does not allow their offspring to blossom into their own adulthood, they may rebel in unhealthy ways or leave home altogether.  Accept the idea that as your children mature, they have a right to choose for themselves.  Create a comfortable, loving place for your family.
     

   

This Time Of Year

   
     This time of year, the days leading up to Christmas, reveal our values.  Happiness is at the top of the list.  A child's happiness revolves around getting new playthings, and therefore a parent's happiness revolves around presenting these gifts.  We exchange gifts with family and friends. Maturity provides the value of better to give than receive.
     Recreating traditions is valued by many.  Thinking about events in our childhood plus the activities of earlier generations keeps memories alive and adds to family history.   When we are long gone, we want our children and grandchildren to fondly remember us.  Traditions can serve these purposes.
     Another value is spending family time together.  Our school vacations are scheduled to allow for travel and visits.  Many families live miles away from each other, so Christmas becomes a time for reunion.  Wintertime, however, is not the best time to travel because of possible weather  conditions.
     This time of year, we want to lift up our spirits and the spirits of others.  Many people literally light up their lives from decorations in the front yard to their Christmas trees inside.  Our cities even light up the streets with holiday motifs.  Malls and shops use decor and music to motivate their customers.  Many people get into the Christmas spirit by reinforcing their religious beliefs, attending annual parties, and participating in and viewing holiday performances.
     The last thing anyone wants to do is detract from the way people celebrate this time of year, but as we enjoy the season, perhaps we need to broaden our perspective.  For whatever reasons, many people are not happy during this time even when they try to go through the motions. Thousands of people around the world are trying to survive the hardships of war or the horrible political situations of their countries.  Their only happiness may be to obtain shelter, food, and medical care.  In our own country, many  people are homeless, have no meaningful family ties or adequate finances.  Some parents have more children than they can afford.  Many people are suffering from physical, mental, and emotional problems.  Some people do not share the religion that prevails in the US, and December 25 is just another day.
   As we live in our little corner of the world, within our own family and culture, as we expend so much  time, energy, and money on our holidays,  we may need to think about what we are doing and why we are doing it.  After all, no matter how well we multitask, our resources have limits.   Decisions need to made according to what is essential and what is not.
     Enjoy the happiness and family time of the holidays.  Create happiness for yourselves and others everyday of the year.

Repurpose

     Repurpose, transform, and reuse your possessions and your lives because the value is still there.  Since my grandchildren were young, my spare bedroom has been a toy room with a bed for overnight stays plus playthings for the kids: Legos, puzzles, baby dolls and Barbies with clothes made by grandma.  All the grandchildren are now teenagers, so time to repurpose the space back to a guest bedroom.  The task at hand was to go through the toys, keep a few items, take the good stuff to Goodwill, and get rid of the rest.
     We all need to repurpose that which is still valuable but needs updating.  Some of our possessions still serve the original purpose, some may be kept for sentimental reasons, others need to be transformed.  Often we need to repurpose ourselves from career to retirement, from parent to grandparent, from grandparent to friend.  I used to read and sing to my young grandchildren.  Now they teach me the finer points of technology, appreciating football on TV, and dancing The Floss.  We relate now more as friends with good conversations and fun.
     The guest room seems a little empty now, but I hope that the playthings from this former toy room will brighten the lives of other children this Christmas.

Wisdom Through the Generations: Always a Teacher, Always a Student

   
     We all become students as we learn and teachers as we share with others. Wisdom is passed on through the generations.
     As a daughter, I learned from my parents the benefits of staying organized, getting an education, and respecting and helping others.  My mother balanced her job at a bank and her household chores.  My father balanced his job and having a big garden of vegetables. They still had time for friends, bowling, and square dancing.  Everything was organized including assigning chores to me.  My parents also managed their finances well and paid my way through four years of college. They were also ready to help their friends and were especially faithful to a friend with Parkinson’s disease and his wife.
     As a college student, I learned to be a teacher of English for Speakers of Other Languages.  At various times during my 20-year career, I taught elementary and high school students to speak, read, and write in English.  As I taught them about the USA, I learned about their countries of origin.  On occasion, I see former students of mine who have grown into adulthood and have children of their own.  I hope I have added to the quality of their lives.
     When I became a mother of three daughters, I tried to teach them similar values I learned from my parents.  My husband and I encouraged them to get an education, and all three graduated from college.  One of my daughters became a teacher.  As I mothered my children, I had to learn from them what they needed in each stage of development.  We learned from each other.  I now have grandchildren and get such pleasure seeing them grow and develop.  Two of them are already in college.
     Throughout my life, I have enjoyed being a student and a teacher.  In the past few years, I've learned how to write a blog.  Now, one of my daughters is a student, taking a course which includes blogging.  She is becoming a teacher by sharing the info with me.  Always a teacher.  Always a student.

A Separation: A Novel

   
     In "A Separation" by Katie Kitamura, the obvious separation is that of a married couple, a husband and wife soon to be divorced.  But other types of separation are revealed, some that we all experience.
     The nameless narrator is searching for her missing husband and uses her keen power of observation and imagination, speculating about other people, some close to her and some strangers.  Of course, she assumes her speculations are correct.  Her husband had asked her to temporarily keep their separation a secret and she did.  She began to realize "there was a small but definite wedge pushing between the person I was and the person I was purporting to be."  Later, she admitted to herself, "I acted on poorly defined sensations - what are called instincts and impulses."  As she looked back on her actions, she thought, "I would be constantly aware of the gap between things as they were and things as they should have been."
     Often, we get overconfident in our assumptions which limits our search for truth.  We may have two separate personas, one private and one public.  We can allow emotions to overrule logic which separates us from the truth.   We may wish to change the past, but all we can do is learn from our regrets and change the future.
     Katie Kitamura's nameless woman was a translator of the written word.  The author and the narrator seem to believe "life rarely finds its exact likeness in a novel, that is hardly fiction's purpose."  This well-written and enjoyable novel tells a story that could have happened and shows how faulty assumptions can separate us from the truth. 
 

Inspiration

 
      Inspiration flows through the senses: the beauty of nature and art, music and meaningful conversation, home-grown produce and a new recipe, fresh air and a pleasant breeze.   Admiring other lifestyles can also inspire.  Inspiration enters the brain and causes us to think, act, and create something new.  Inspiration can flow out of us towards others.  We can inspire others to focus or broaden their thinking, to set a goal and plan, and to live a better life.
     Sometimes inspiration comes to us like a surprise gift.  Other times we need to seek it out.  We may want to make an improvement or change in our lives, but procrastination stops the momentum.  A spark is needed to light our way.
     These are ways I have been inspired.  Through active pursuits: talked with a family member, spent time outdoors, read a book, wrote a blog, Googled, took a class.  Through quiet time: stopped extraneous noise and distractions, relaxed and calmed my mind.
     Open your mind to inspiration.  Share your life and inspire others.
   
   

"Brief Answers To The Big Questions"

   
     Stephen Hawking gives "Brief Answers To The Big Questions" based on the laws of physics.  He answers in Chapter 2: How did it all begin? then in Chapter 10: How do we shape the future?  The additional chapters answer many other big questions.
     With wit and brilliance, he advises us to "understand more about ourselves and our place in the universe."  He continues, "Through scientific endeavor and technological innovation, we must look outwards to the wider universe, while also striving to fix the problems on Earth."