PERIMETER

A baby is the center of the family circle.  The parents surround the child.  The child often leaves the home for college and marriage, starts a new family, a new circle, and in time a new baby.  Parents become grandparents, a step farther away from the center, a part of the perimeter.  As long as the grandma and grandpa have each other, they still have their circle.  When a spouse dies, the remaining grandparent exists on the perimeter alone.

Only widows and widowers can fully understand this position in the family circle.  In our American culture, independence is valued as a desired goal.  We should be able to take care of ourselves by ourselves as long as possible.  Some seniors choose to live alone in their own homes or apartments.  Some begin to live in multigenerational homes with children, parents, and grandparent.  Others have adopted a new lifestyle residing with their own peer group in 55+ apartments, independent living facilities with many amenities.  Couples, widowers, and primarily widows learn to live together without the responsibility of a house.  

  

 Sometimes we feel just outside the family circle but are so thankful when we are included in family gatherings.  From childhood to adulthood to parenthood and grandparenthood to living alone,  we need to redesign our lives as we shift from being within a family circle to being just outside the circle on the perimeter.       

THROUGH YOUR SENSES TO YOUR BRAIN

 Sometimes you cannot control what enters your brain; other times you can.  Once the sensation enters your thoughts, it may be hard to forget.  Think about what you welcome into your brain.  Pleasure can come from a pleasant taste, a beautiful sight, an enjoyable song, a scent of a flower, a hug.

Our senses can cause us to be uplifted or lower us down.  Emotions get involved.  Repetition can help us learn and remember.  It can also manipulate us and form and change our values.  The food and drink we prefer may not be best for our bodies.  Viewing images that are too explicit or degrading can cause distorted values and prejudices.  Listening to vulgar music can cause us to normalize what is being projected in the lyrics.  Listeners may claim it is just fun, but a better choice is always available. 

Your brain is precious.  Your thoughts and emotions lead to your behaviors.  Use your senses wisely. 

SUPPLY CHAIN

 

 

From  raw materials to the manufacturer to the distributer to your home, how far does your stuff have to travel?   No wonder the cost is so high.  Some products are needed; others are wanted.  Confusion arrises when we think we need what we just want.  And what we want can be unnecessary, even trivial.

Traditions complicate matters.  The pressure to give and receive gifts especially to celebrate holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays can cause undue stress, energy, and money.   We train our children to expect presents on special occasions.  We want to see their happiness.  This probably will never change.

Commercialism aims to get us to buy stuff.  Even when holidays have religious meanings, gifts seem to take the spotlight.   Often, we want particular foods that remind us of family tradition and spend time and money on decorations.

We are indeed a land of plenty and  seem to want plenty of stuff.   Just stop and consider what it takes to get your purchases to your home.  

 

  

  

GENERATIONS

When you were born places you in a named generation.  Most seniors would be categorized into the Silent Generation or the Baby Boomers.  These two groups have much in common or so they say; however, any stereotype has its exceptions.  Seniors have lived through many of the same decades of world events and social changes, and many ways of thinking may have evolved as each year passes.  You still can embrace characteristics of many generations.

The Silent Generation lived a more traditional life.  They accepted things the way they were and worked within the system; therefore they were "silent."  They tended to be thrifty, lived within their means, and saved for the future mostly without the aid of credit cards.  Males dominated business, politics, and many families.  Women could vote but rarely ran for political office.  They seldom were encouraged to have careers outside of homemaking except for some traditional roles such as secretaries, nurses and teachers. When women realized they should have equal rights and opportunities, society began to change for the better.

The Baby Boomers were born after the Second World War and grew up with the idea that citizens could question the way things were, even protest against the status quo.  They envisioned reform and change.  Parents realized their daughters as well as their sons should be educated and develop their talents.  Society was improving.

No matter which generation you were born into, learn what the older and younger generations have contributed to your lives.  Realize your own generation evolved into the next.  Appreciate the qualities of each generation.  Don't get stuck in the past.    

 

ANTIQUE

 

Six chairs used by my great-grandparents could be considered antiques.  They certainly are old but may not be rare.  You may have old items handed down in your family but the value may not be in what you might sell them for.  They could be a part of your family's history but often have outlasted their usefulness, perhaps just taking up space in the attic.

The lesson may be that even though we are old, we don't want to be antique.  Our possessions may or may not have value to future generations.  While we are alive, let's hope that our thoughts and attitudes are not old-fashioned, that we can be part of today.  The style of our possessions may be out-dated and not valued by the modern-day world.  Our thinking can be up-dated as we age.  We can pass on memories of our past,  even our possessions that we have accumulated.  As each decade passes, our wisdom should increase especially if we allow our thinking to evolve and be fresh. 

If someone could not see you but only hear or read your words, what would they think? Would you seem contemporary or old-fashioned?  Don't become an antique.  Be useful and keep up with the times. 

DISCOVERY

Discover something new.  Columbus and his men sailed west to find a new route to the east but instead discovered another land.  This land was already inhabited by indigenous people.  These two groups of people had to discover a way to relate to each other.  America is still adding to this story.

Discovering something new helps humans survive, evolve, and get along with each other.  The physical sciences add to our knowledge of the world.   Social sciences help us understand each other and form better relationships.  As America looks back on its history, we celebrate heroes and events and also see mistakes that were made.

As we look back on our personal history, we may take pride in our accomplishments and at the same time, see mistakes that we made.  We can discover ways to change our attitudes and behavior and make amends.        

Always be open to discover something new about ourselves, each other, and the world.            

  

What makes you old?

Setting aside an aging body, notice other aspects of your life that can make you old.  For the most part, biological aging is inevitable.  We can stay as healthy as possible, but aging is part of nature.  Once we accept this aging process, we can focus on other behaviors that make us old.

When we label ourselves as looking old: skin changes, graying hair or hair loss, gravity taking its toll, and diminishing physical prowess, we begin to idealize being younger.  Don't concern yourself with what is only skin-deep.  By  accepting nature's way, we are  telling ourselves and others that beauty comes in many forms.

Becoming set in our ways can make us old.  Doing things the way we have always done them or how our parents have done them can cause us to become stagnant.  Remembering our past as the good old days may blind us to the advantages of the present.  Opening our eyes and minds to a variety of ways of doing things can keep us from living in the past.  Trying to understand the younger generations can broaden our minds and deepen our thinking.  

As they say, getting older beats the alternative.  Don't idealize the past; honor the present and be part of today's world.

   

ESCAPE

 Escape from and escape to.   Leave physically or mentally and go toward something better.  Escape from dangerous, war-torn or gang-controlled communities and escape to safety.  Escape from a bad relationship and go toward being alone or making a better relationship.  These escapes can save your life.  Escape from loneliness and make meaningful contact with others.  Escape from boredom, read, write, find a purpose, learn something new, create through any form of art.  Escape from stress, simplify or change your routine.  Escape from brainwashing and manipulation and gain confidence in your own thinking.

Some escapes may be permanent, a real change.  Other escapes may be temporary: vacations, entertainments, get-away-from-it-all persuits.  Some escapes can be healthy; some not so much: alcohol, drugs, empty calories.  Unhealthy escapes can become addictive.  

Perhaps instead of searching for an escape, our regular situation needs to be analyzed.  Instead of escaping, we may need to make changes in our lifestyle.

Prisoners often want to escape but are confined to make our society safer.  Sometimes, we have self-imposed limitations and need to create our own escape.  When your life doesn't seem satisfying or fulfilling, escape from what isn't working for you and escape to something that will help you accomplish your goals.

 

RULER

RULER is an acronym for the five skills of emotional intelligence developed at Yale with the goal to integrate social and emotional learning, to  create a healthier and more compassionate society.  People of all ages learn how leaders lead, teachers teach, students learn, and families support students.

Pay attention and recognize your emotions and how facial expressions, vocal changes, and body language reflect emotions.  Also recognize the emotions of others.  Understand the causes of unwanted or negative feelings and  promote positive ones.  Also understand the consequences of emotions.  Label emotions by finding the best words to describe feelings.  Express emotions appropriately and evaluate the best time, place, and way to be effective.  Regulate and manage your feelings to be successful and build your emotional and social intelligence.

 By using this RULER, you can benefit your own life and the lives of those around you.

Minimalism

 Many of us have more than we need, instead of just the essentials.  The less we have the more space we free up and the more time to devote to other pursuits.  The less we buy the more money we can save.  The less stress we have the better our health can become.

We allow marketing of products and services to manipulate us to consume more than we need.  Some ads make us think we are not enough, not cool enough, not pretty enough.  Promises of beauty and youthful appearance tempt us to buy products and services.  Promises of luxury transportation, tempt us to purchase the latest vehicle.  Trying to keep up with friends and neighbors adds pressure to have more stuff.  Stuff can become clutter and disorganization.

Money spent on needless products often only give fleeting happiness, if any at all.  The solution to all this craziness is donate stuff you don't need and don't buy more of the same.  As long as you have basic necessities and funds for emergencies and retirement, your life will be simplified.  Save money instead of overspending.  Get rid of debt and enjoy your freedom.

Consuming less is better for the environment.  Less trash produces a better cleaner world.  

As you spend less money on nonessentials, spend less time on what doesn't matter.  This will give you more time for the important things, the simple things of life,  plus time to relax, learn, and create.

Practice minimalism.  Less is more.

Self-Actualization

 After basic bodily and ego needs have been fulfilled, the highest level of psychological development is self-actualization as shown by Maslow's hierarchy.  He believed that needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to the needs higher up.  The physiological needs including air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, and reproduction are essential for survival.  Next come safety needs of personal security, employment, and health.  Love and belonging in friendship, intimacy, and family give connection to others.  Esteem is found in respect, status, self-respect, and freedom.  Self-actualization is the need to become the most that you can be, to fulfill your potential.

The documentary "The Secret" based on the book by Rhonda Byrne claims that self-actualization pivots on the Laws of Attraction: that is  think positively, and positive things will come to you.  Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don't have.  Next visualize what you want, believe it can happen and you will receive your desires.  Thought can become things. The fallacy here is that wishing even with planning does not always grant your wishes.

Many people around the world have a great struggle just to attain their basic physiological needs.  Those that are secure in meeting these basic needs may continue the struggle going up the pyramid.  Too many roadblocks stop their progress.  Those of us that are fortunate enough to near the top of the pyramid may be slowed toward self-actualization by our culture, society, and even those that we love.  Some people even dwell in self-defeating behaviors that stop them from completing this last step - self-actualizatiion.

We should realize that even if we get to this step, we should feel obligated to help our fellow humans attain all that they can.   Attaining this highest form of development goes beyond ourself.  Continue developing, learning, and creating all your life and help others do the same. 

Mystery, Magic, and Miracles

 Who done it?  What caused it?  Will it remain a mystery?  A real crime which leads to search for the culprit or a mystery novel read for pure enjoyment will present the clues.   Each bit of information needs to be proven true to solve the mystery.  Magicians can perfect tricks that fool the eye.  The existence of miracles depends on the belief of those involved, usually a belief in the supernatural. 

As mysteries present themselves, our imagination and logic need to prevail.  Science often reveals proof that the suspect is guilty.  Careful investigation can explain the methods of the magician. Possible miracles go beyond scientific proof and depend on the perspective of the believer.

Mystery, magic, and miracles often include a fourth m - manipulation.  Authors of mystery novels present clues, some leading to the truth, some misleading.  The reader's imagination is manipulated to follow the story until the conclusion.  A magician practices his illusions in order to manipulate the audience into believing the fantastic.  Some people believe in miracles that in their minds don't require scientific proof.  Their fellow believers reinforce the possibility.  People can manipulate their own thinking to sidestep logic.

Many mysteries will remain just that, with no explanations.  Science doesn't have all the answers.  Be careful that your need for answers allows others to manipulate your thinking.

Many like a good mystery novel or movie.  Some like magic shows.  And those that believe in miracles will leave this earth in hopes that the biggest miracle is true. 

To College Graduates

TO THE COLLEGE GRADUATES

 Question everything.  Think logically.  Consider your sources of information.  Realize every question can have multiple answers or no satisfactory answer at all.  Answers may contribute to facts or support opinions. Some answers are unknown, but still ask.  Some questions may remain in your brain, never to be spoken or written down for anyone else to hear or view.  Other questions may benefit from discussing with a trusted, non-judgmental friend, one who will keep your confidence.  Many questions require research, but always consider your sources to see if they are valid or unbiased.

Remember that your opinion is just as valuable as the opinions of others.  Even when you seem to be in the minority or perhaps you are the only person you know who thinks the way you do,  have confidence in your own intelligence and logical thinking. 

You have learned so much these past four years especially in your chosen field.  You have also learned many life lessons as you went from your home and family to living a more independent life.  You are still a son or daughter with very strong ties to your parents, and that is to be expected, but realize you are an adult with a separate mind; your parents are adults with theirs.  As a child, you valued your parents' opinions almost without question, but as you became an adult, you may have begun to value your own opinions more, even to the point of disagreeing with your family members.  You aren't being disloyal; you are just growing up.  Be sensitive as you present your ideas.  Your parents will also need to respect your thinking and value your journey toward being an independent adult.  All adults need to acquire the ability to respect other opinions.

Keep questioning throughout your life.  You may change your mind more than once as you gain more experience, broaden your perspective, and deepen your thinking.  Some of you will continue on with formal education, increasing your knowledge, talents, and skills.  All of you should become lifelong learners seeking answers to questions.

Remember you are not the center of the universe; you are part of nature.  Please do what you can to protect, sustain, and improve our world, environment, and habitat.  Also do what you can to improve the lives of your fellow human beings.

Congratulations on your accomplishments and live life to the fullest.  

Local News

 The latest shooting, robbery, traffic accident, violence, injuries, death, and other tragedies come first on the local news.  Much is labeled BREAKING NEWS to grab the attention of the viewer.  The more sensational, the better.  Plus, if video footage is available, the more reason to present the story.  If our local community doesn't have enough bad news, stations add bad things that have happened elsewhere.  Weather reports usually follow (actually helpful to plan our day) and celebrity tidbits are added.  Sports coverage gets its due which provides free advertising for the home teams.

The local TV stations have decided what is newsworthy.  They seem to think they must present these violent stories in order to keep up with their competition. These stories fill our minds and often are conversation starters.  Our community gets an unfair bad reputation because the sensational stories are emphasized on the local news.  

Other important events deserve to be reported which would shed favorable light on the community, but for some reason they are omitted.  Some people have chosen to stop watching the news because of the negative stories often repeated through the day.  Local news is not the only guilty party.  The national news also emphasizes similar types of stories from around the country and the world.   

Social Justice

      Social justice only occurs when everyone has equal rights.  Some groups have more advantages or privileges than others which leads to inequality.  Many people find it hard to admit that they are privileged.  They feel that their families have worked hard to be where they are today and didn't receive any privileged treatment.  Often they view others as products of families who didn't work as hard or didn't make the right decisions which may have led to their situation.

     Even though we profess that everyone is treated equally by the traditions of our society and the laws of our country, a closer look will show how the white race and the male gender have been allocated more benefits than other races and women of every race; therefore, these groups are privileged.  The original US Constitution, written by white males, did not consider African-Americans, Native Americans, or women in general.  These groups have had to fight are are still fighting for equal rights and opportunities. 

     Our history, written primarily by white males, emphasized their lives and accomplishments while often omitting the contributions of others.  Military endeavors prevailed.  Since men were allowed more education and time to pursue personal development, their new ideas and inventions were recorded.  This was made possible by the subservient lives of females, wives, and slaves. Those in power increased their wealth while other groups remained financially dependent.

     Those with white skin have had advantages and privileges which placed them in their situations. Hard work was not the only factor.  Plus males in general have had more power since civilization began because women had very little.  Other groups like LGBTQ have also had to fight for their rights.

     We can't avoid noticing race and gender that will often bring up past stereotypes and prejudices.  These differences should not affect our desire that all are treated equally.  Social justice demands that.  Things have gotten better over the past decades, but much improvement is still needed.  Please recognize when you are privileged and promote social justice.

Desperation

      A state of mind caused by losing hope of reaching a goal can cause various reactions. Some people persevere and continue to work toward the goal thinking things will get better.  Perhaps they will rethink their goal and plan other ways to achieve what they need.

     Some have been known to deny what is true, even lie to themselves and create a new narrative.  Political figures have denied that an election was lost or assume that the election process was faulty.  Some states have convinced themselves that the election process needs changed, but perhaps they just will do what it takes to change the process to favor their party or suppress the opposition.  They are desperate.

     Many people around the world are trying to obtain the bare necessities to survive.  Their native countries may be at war, governed by dictators or corrupt leaders, allowing dangerous gangs to exist.  Extreme poverty, hunger, and lack of education may also cause desperation.  Sometimes, the only solution is to leave their country and find a home elsewhere.

     When we can't meet a goal no matter how hard we try, desperation can creep in.  We need to consider if what we want is what we need.  Desperation can cause us to rethink and even improve our situation, only if we are flexible and determined.  

Congratulations Class of 2021!

Your senior year has been beyond unique, yet you have succeeded in your goal of graduation.  Virtual learning, social distancing, wearing masks, and giving up a more normal senior year has been a great sacrifice and accomplishment.  Some of you became sick and had friends and relatives suffer.  As you slowly return to a more normal life, you will appreciate regaining the freedoms you temporarily lost.  Be patient and follow the advice of the scientists. 

This year hasn't been completely negative.  You found ways to keep connected with each other and had the opportunity to spend lots of time with family.  You learned to protect yourself and therefore protected others.  Perhaps you will be more prepared to be independent learners which will be an asset in life after graduation.  Seeing how the whole world had to face a common problem and find solutions should make you realize how human beings are basically the same, want to be healthy and live satisfying lives.  Technology has allowed us to see how others live, and therefore we can appreciate the advantages we have in the USA.  We have also became more aware of our political system and how democracy must be protected.  Please get involved in your government and use your vote to better your community, state, and country.  Some of you may even choose to become leaders.

Just like this year has been unique, realize that each of you is also unique.  Your experiences can make you wiser.  You have the opportunity to expand your talents, prepare yourself for the adult world, and understand what is important to you and how you can contribute to the betterment of our world.  Try to choose a career that you will enjoy.  As you understand yourself better, realize the advantages of understanding others.  Even though we are all basically the same, many differences can divide us.  Please try to understand  and appreciate other points of view and have empathy for other people around you and around the world.   Also learn ways to keep our environment healthy.  Your generation may find solutions to improve and restore our habitat. 

Many of you will be leaving your family home for further education.  Always remember how your family loves and cares for you.  Also realize what your teachers have done for you over the years.

Congratulations Class of 2021! 

 

Vaccine

 

A foreign substance enters our arm, then our body gets busy learning how to fight the virus.  Later, if the COVID virus enters our system, our body remembers how to fight.  We trust that science knows what best to put into vaccines to train our bodies to respond to the actual virus.

Nature produces organisms that can be good or bad for humans.  Humans must learn how to accept, adapt to, or fight against these organisms.  Nature allows viruses to mutate, and at the same time, enables scientists to expand their knowledge and create ways to combat harmful organisms.  This is part of evolution and the survival of the fittest.

We humans also need to evolve our thinking, but sometimes something blocks reality from taking hold.  Outdated ideas from the past linger.  Logic doesn't always prevail.  We may trust people who claim to understand better than we do.  When our minds need help evolving, we may need a shot of reality,  a vaccine to help us fight off harmful thinking.

Risks

 

By wearing a mask, we reduce the risk of passing on a virus or bacteria to others.  This helps everyone by curtailing the number of people becoming infected, becoming sick, requiring hospital care, suffering and dying.  Consider how each death causes tragedy in the families losing loved ones.  Social distancing, washing hands, and other measures are also better for everyone.  In addition, vaccinations will greatly reduce the risk.  Then why do some people take the risk of not following these measures?  

The tendency of some people not understanding science and doubting scientific advice can be one explanation.   Ignorance is no excuse in these times of the proliferation of information.  Inconvenience and adopting new habits might be another reason.  Some people just want to do what they want without considering the ramifications to themselves and others.  These selfish impulses show immaturity.  Unfortunately, some risk-takers believe false information.

Anytime you take a risk, the effects can be positive or negative.  The higher the risk, the more probable something bad may happen.  Often, the results are unpredictable.  When your health is concerned and the health of others is at stake, please follow the advice of the experts.

Weaving

 

Two yarns interlace together to form a cloth.  Husband and wife combine to form a marriage.  Children are  added to form a fabric of life.  

As children marry, they leave their original  family which may feel like a loss of sorts.  A new family begins.  Their children are added. The original family continues with just a warp and weft.

When one spouse is no longer present, the weaving stops and the marriage has been completed.  What remains at the end is the fringe.  Often widows and widowers feel like they are on the fringe, no longer part of the weaving of life, no longer an integral part of a cloth.  The remaining spouse can look back on their life and be proud of the cloth they have woven.