HOW DO WE FEEL?

Part of communication is being aware of how we feel and how the other person or people feel.  As the communication progresses, we can tell by body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice how the conversation is going and then respond considering the emotions.  Listening and trying to understand other feelings about topics being discussed is essential.

Some topics are more emotional than others; they may bring about positive or negative feelings.  The emotional maturity of the individuals influences the possibility of success.  Feeling empathy toward each other improves the conversation.  We need to get comfortable expressing our feelings and try to make others comfortable expressing theirs.

The communication may be begin with "How do you feel about ....?" or "I would like to hear your thoughts about ...." or  follow up with "Why do you feel .... about ....?"  Sometimes, we already know the other person's opinions are different than ours.  We may have a conflict or disagreement that needs to be discussed.  Someone we love may need an intervention to face problems with alcohol, drugs or gambling.  The people involved need to deal with their emotions  and keep the conversation polite and civil.

     

My blog was inspired by the book "Supercommunicators" by Charles Duhigg.

WHAT'S THIS REALLY ABOUT?

Communication with one person or a group of people can be improved and become more successful.  Often you know in advance what topics you want to talk about and can prepare how you want to begin, what questions to ask, and imagine possible reactions.  Listening is as important as speaking.  Watch for  clues about how the communication is going: signs of boredom, changing the subject, sounds of agreement like yah, uh-huh, eye contact, facial expressions, body language. Feedback keeps the communication going.

  

Many communications are about practical matters, a situation or problem to be discussed, and possible goals, plans, and solutions. Realize your beliefs and values may differ, but appreciate each other.

My blog was inspired by the book "Supercommunicators" by Charles Duhigg.

     

 

DYSFUNCTIONAL

When relationships don't operate normally or properly, they are considered dysfunctional.  How we define normal or proper varies with each person and within each family.  Becoming an independent and full-functioning adult is the first step.  Becoming a couple requires additional skills while forming a successful and balanced relationship.  Adding children to the family becomes even more complicated.  Some people enter into relationships too soon and have children before they are ready to assume the numerous functions necessary.  

As decades pass, one spouse may become the caretaker of the other who may then pass away.   The surviving widow or widower must learn how to function alone.   

 

We all want a safe, happy, and healthy life where we can grow and develop our talents, but the path to creating good relationships has many roadblocks, twists, and turns.  We are all a work in progress. The goal is to make everyone involved feel safe, valued, and loved.   

HIDE OR BLOCK

 Facebook and other social media present the opportunity to keep up with growing families and friends activities plus many other types of pleasant information.  However, other posts may be annoying, monotonous, or just don't match our interests.  If you don't like a post, then hide or block it.  If you don't like a different opinion, better to understand the source and why you disagree.  This applies to posts and also to face-to-face conversations.

You may want to hide yourself from thinking about and discussing certain topics.  Also what you choose to read may only reinforce what you already know and believe. The more you hide or avoid discussing your opinions, the less you will learn about your own thoughts and the opinions of others.

Some people hide so much from themselves that they block the truth.      

EVE from AFRICA

 All humans can trace back to "Eve" who lived 200,000 years ago in Africa.  She was almost certainly black for survival in the sunny climate.  As some humans migrated north and many generations passed, skin tone lightened.  Perhaps 7000 years ago, white skin evolved in areas with less intense sun.

SWEET TREATS

 

Some foods and drinks are just for fun, not because we are hungry or thirsty.  Aside from getting good nutrition, we can alter our mood through what we ingest, perhaps in childhood with sugar: Birthday cake, Valentine hearts, Easter candy, Halloween treats, Christmas cookies and candy canes.  Then chocolate which has caffeine, and as we get older, more caffeine with coffee, tea, and some soft drinks.  Nicotine is another substance.  Beer, wine, and alcohol add to the list.

Today, sone people go for marijuana and even illegal drugs to alter their mood.  Over-the-counter and prescription drugs may be misused.

Many people seem to need to use substances to sweeten their lives.  Good questions to ask: why, what to do without them, and how to improve our moods with the good stuff like healthy food and drink or other activities that can create joy or calm stress for ourselves and others.  Of course, in moderation, we can enjoy sweet treats.   

 

  

CHILD

 

From a child's point of view, parents provide the basic needs: good health, adequate nutrition, good caregiving, security and safety, and educational opportunities.  Most of this is obvious,  but parents need to see that education includes not just facts, figures, and the latest STEM training, but also how to think, form, and  respectfully discuss different opinions.

 Some parents are happy to produce a mini-me, even prefer the child replicates the mom and dad, adopting their beliefs and opinions.  Often parents are certain that their truth needs to be passed on and not questioned.

Going from dependent child to independent adult requires time and good relationships.  Gradually the child grows up to provide their own basic needs.  This may include going away to college, moving away from home, and becoming financially independent.   Along the way, independent thinking develops.  Some people will keep most of their parents opinions and beliefs while others may depart or evolve from their childhood beliefs.