Sunday, December 30, 2012

Positive Reinforcement

     Many church services begin with confession of sins.  Church members reflect on what they have done wrong and feel a need to be forgiven.  As they feel forgiveness and get a fresh start, they also should be forgiving others.
     We often judge ourselves by what we have done wrong or what we should have done.  We may also feel obligated to judge ourselves by what others think we should do.  In addition, we may be judging others by focusing on their shortcomings and even wish to help them overcome their faults.
     We all fall short of perfection, and realizing our weaker points can help us improve; however, wouldn't it be just as effective if we saw the good as much as the bad.
     Here is what I wish for the new year.  Be kind to yourself.  Focus on the good you have done and try to continue those behaviors.  Be kind to others.  Be sure your family and friends know you appreciate your relationship and what good they do.  Give compliments and thank-yous.
     Be kind to those who are different and even disagree with you.  Listen to their point of view.  When you explain why you disagree, be civil and respectful.  You may or may not be able to persuade them to your way of thinking.  They should feel that you appreciate their part in the dialog.
     We see many examples of too much positive reinforcement like continually telling a child, "Good job!"  Too often, however, people aren't recognized for the many good things they do.  Be kind to yourself and others and be a positive reinforcement.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Old Long Since

     As we say good-bye to the past, the year, or a phase of life, we need to decide what to remember and what to try to forget.  We need to remember the people and events that have sustained and improved our lives.  Our memories should include lessons learned and goals accomplished.
     Some things, however, we should try to forget.  As we forgive the hurts and injustices we have felt, forgetting will be easier.
     At the same time, we might image how others will remember us, our personality, attitudes, values, words, and actions.  We can't change what we have done in the past, but we can set out to do better in the future.  
     A new year is about to begin.  We still have time to improve ourselves and the way we interact with others.  Hopefully, who we are and what we do will be remembered with love and affection.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

New Solutions


     Remember this time last year when you wanted to solve a problem.  Did you set a realistic goal and take small steps toward a solution or did you go back to the same old same old?  Some habits are hard to change; some new actions are hard to develop.  If you still have the same problem this year, you may need to resolve, make your goal more realistic, and take it step by step.
     Sometimes we may want to reduce or eliminate a negative.  Sometimes we may want to improve a positive.  Sometimes we may want to add something new to make our lives easier, healthier, or more meaningful.  We also may want to help others improve their lives.  The more we keep doing the right things, the less time we will have to do the wrong.
     Even with determination, many obstacles may deter us from the path we want to take.  We need to mentally reward ourselves each time we say no to a negative and yes to a positive.  We need to forgive ourselves when our resolve is weakened.  Obviously our old habits have given us some pleasure or satisfaction which makes them hard to change.  We need to develop a new satisfaction and enjoy accomplishing our resolutions.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Compromise

     We seem to believe that our country is the most tolerant and even welcomes differences of opinion, but each individual needs to honor differences if we are to be a model to the world.
     Our government is responsible for making and enforcing laws that are best for everyone, yet compromise is difficult.   Each representative not only must consider the constituency and the political party,  but also must honor what is considered the opposition.  To honor does not mean to devalue their own opinion.  Even if elected officials understandably believe they are right and other opinions are wrong,  too much self confidence can cloud their understanding of all sides of an issue.  Our representatives need to be informed, open-minded, and willing to find agreed-upon solutions.
     Marriage also works best when husband and wife honor each other even when differences of opinions arise.  Two people, two different opinions in many cases, need compromise in order to get along and accomplish goals.  This is also a good model for the children.
     With other relationships, we need to realize that everyone has a right to their own opinions.  We need to honor  each individual and try to understand their thinking.  When we  believe our opinions are best, we may feel it necessary to change others' minds to our way of thinking. We can't, however, expect everyone to agree.  The minute we feel superior and have the Truth, we may appear to be looking down on others.  Those around us can sense this superior attitude, and necessary compromise gets very difficult.
     When you want to "argue" your case, you need to understand the opposition. Their background, the way they were raised, the religion they were taught, and their present situation, all go to influence their opinions.  The same forces have influenced your opinions.  Even after you explain your side of an issue, agreement may not arise.  At that point, you may need to agree to disagree.  In many cases, the only solution is compromise.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

When they still believe

     One of the sweetest times of family life occurs when the children still believe in Santa.  They aren't mature enough to question what their parents have told them about this magical person.  They ask Santa for their hearts' desires, and by being good, they receive wonderful presents.  They haven't begun to doubt how these gifts appear.  In addition to their gifts, children also get great happiness being together with family on Christmas Day.
     One of the sweetest parts of life in general is believing in God and being able to ask Him for our hearts' desires.  The gifts from Him are endless, the most important arriving on the first Christmas Eve.  Both Father and Son show the ways to be good.  The ultimate happiness will occur when believers come together in His presence and are reunited with their families in Heaven.
     Whatever your beliefs may be, enjoy this holiday season.  Hope for peace on earth and have goodwill toward all.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Turmoil

  


  
      When you are in a whirl of constant motion, caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, you may yearn to stop the turmoil and create some peace and quiet.  A certain amount of turmoil is out of your control; however, you may be able to control or eliminate more than you realize.
     Some turmoil may be caused by pressures from society and family.  You do have the power to lessen these influences and decide for yourself what is best.
     Some turmoil may be self-imposed.  Your to-do list may need to be analyzed.  Some things can be done by others, some things are not really essential, and some things need to be deleted.
     Other turmoil may be happening in your mind when you are in a transition of changing your thinking.  Even though you see the value of former opinions, you may have gained new perspective and are in the process of changing your mind.  This can cause turmoil for yourself and sometimes for those around you who are more comfortable with the way you are and prefer you to remain the same.
     Some turmoil we just have to live with, while some may be necessary as we take steps toward change.  We may find it advisable to reduce or eliminate  whatever turmoil we can in order to create a healthier and more peaceful way of life.
   

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Desensitize


     Doctors can desensitize patients to relieve pain, lessen the effects of allergies, and cure phobias.  Lives can be greatly improved.
     At times, we may need to desensitize ourselves when we are overly sensitive, take offense at others' behaviors, get our feelings hurt too easily, and hold grudges.  We need to realize when we are being too self-centered.  Our lives will be improved when we thicken our skin, become more sensitive to other people, chill, and not sweat the small stuff.
     Some video games, TV shows, books, and movies can desensitize our normal, healthy reactions.  Overexposure to images of sex and violence can cause us to numb our sensitivity.  We may identify with a character who blurs the lines between good and bad in order to be successful or survive.  Our basic values may shift temporarily or change.
     The right amount of sensitivity is necessary for physical and emotional health.  We need to be on guard when we become too sensitive or when we allow outside influences to weaken our values.